Not My America

Day after day, night after  night, we see it on television, hear it on the news and can find it within the social media feeds that are inundating our lives.  I’m talking about the intolerance of the American people for the difference of opinion.  Don’t start taking offense right away.  I’m talking about the ones who are screaming and yelling for acceptance; but are not willing to be accepting themselves.

We have elected officials who scream and receive positive media on their anti-American troupes.  We have elected officials who are campaigning to end our over 200 years of American ideals.  We are letting 1% of the American people to dictate what is right or wrong in America instead of listening to the common sense that is reality.

Women are not men.  Men are not women.  Men are stronger and faster by nature and shouldn’t be competing in women’s sports.  We see this in the military all the time.  Even those who get surgery to change who they are still have the genetic make up of their original sex.  Just because a man becomes a woman, he doesn’t start going to a GYN for health care; because he is still genetically a man and our genetic make up is different, even in the way we experience a heart attack.

We have an immigration problem.  We are flooding this country with illegal immigrants who are criminals, drug traffickers, killers, etc. It is a shame.  I’m not racist in any way, shape or form.  You can call me names; but then you are part of the problem.  My good friend, Alynne, is a LEGAL Cuban immigrant who agrees; because she came in the right way over 25 years ago and took the tests to become a citizen.  Being here illegally is wrong.  My grandparents did it the right way and so did my great grandparents.  They came through Ellis Island and became citizens.

Abortion is murder.  I used to be pro-choice.  As a woman who could not have a baby and had two miscarriages before finally having a baby, I can’t imagine murdering my child.  We create life.  Life is precious.  I can’t end someone else’s tiny, innocent life.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m a warrior and will kill for those I love; but I can’t imagine killing a child.

Even the media is on board with the crazy that has captured the country.  I pray for this country.  I pray for her people.  I can’t believe the chaos that is now pushing forward as acceptable.

Wear a MAGA hat, get attacked.  You are the problem, called names, exploited, doxed, etc. and no one cares.  However; if you attack them in the same way, you prove their point.  We are wrong either way.

IMO, because we have lost our way and denounced God; we’ve lost our moral fabric as a country.  We allow immigrants to come here and they don’t assimilate. We’ve allowed them to bring their cultures here and force the American people to accept their culture; but if we tell them to assimilate we’re racists.  Something is wrong.  Why come here if you just want to live your culture?  Can’t you stay where you are and be culturally accepted?  When we allow the violent, rage filled, screams of the 1% to dictate the rules, we lose.

I respect people.  I love people.  I don’t go around calling others who are different names.  It’s not my thing.  I’m not looking for a fight.  I want to wear whatever I want without fear of being attacked in public.  I want to be accepted for who I am.  I want my freedom of religion, speech, choice; to be free.

And, honestly, I’m sure this post will receive a lot of negative comments and name calling; but it’s to be expected.  I’m not mainstream.  I’m not agreeing with those who cause harm, hurt and restriction of freedom, so my rights to share my thoughts and opinions are not allowed.

This country is quickly losing her status as a superpower.  We look foolish around the world.  We’re a joke.  Instead of uniting, we’re imploding.  We need to wake up before we end up like other failed countries.  If the Socialist Democrats have their way, we’ll have the worst health care, no money, no food and be forced to support the fat cats in Washington more than we already do.

Wake up, people, before we lose our precious freedom.




IWD — History

I’m all for celebrating the women who have paved the way to the freedoms and liberty I have today as a woman.  In fact, when I first came out of the USMC and became a member of the American Legion, I organized local (5 counties) women veteran’s to come together for change in the VA system and to register them for the Women In Military Service for America (WIMSA) memorial in Washington, D.C.   I met women who were nurses in the Army and Navy during WWII.  I met a WWII Marine who was an expert in mechanics.  I met Korean war and Vietnam women vets and even some who fought for Iraqi Freedom.

As a matter of fact, I helped organize these women to go to the dedication of WIMSA when it was opened in October 1997.  It was a great 4 day weekend that we all came together for a common celebration.

What bothers me about IWD today is that we’re celebrating women in a time when women think that lying, cheating and scamming, as well as celebrating an anti-Semite congress woman, a socialist congress woman and a racist congress woman, is acceptable behavior.  Since when is it okay to celebrate evil?   I’m disgusted that these women, along with the METOO movement are abusing our hard won freedom by mucking it up and making women out to be batshit crazy!

I’m sorry if this offends anyone; but everyday, more and more crap is surfacing that is proving that women can’t be trusted.

Look, I’m an extremely tolerant woman.  I’m accepting of all people until they betray me.  I give the benefit of the doubt to all until I am proven the fool.  Believe me, I’m usually the one standing by looking stupid for having foolishly trusted someone for so long.

However, I am seeing more and more celebration of what is morally wrong.  You are responsible for what you do and say.  They have consequences.  The fact that Nancy Pelosi is so afraid of the 3 new Congress women is disgusting.  What they are doing is promoting hatred, separation and unrest in this country.  I’ve never seen a country so divided.  You can’t be a conservative/republican in this country without fear of some looney attacking you.  When did our freedoms get taken away from us?

If we continue down this road, we’ll be no better than the Soviet Union in the 80’s or what Venezuela is right now.

Medicare for all —  I have cancer.  I need to see a specialist.  The wait for seeing said specialist is months long.  My cancer advances quickly.  I am dead before my appointment.

I’m sick.  I go to the hospital; but the wait is days long and they haven’t any beds.  Things like appendicitis leads to death. 

People don’t go to school to become doctors anymore.

Food — When the government steps in and takes control of your business, they tell you when, where and how to run it.  You harvest your food, send it on trucks to central locations and it rots before it can be given to people to eat.  Food lines become longer and food becomes scarce. 

I could go on; but we’ve seen this before and if America doesn’t wise up, we’ll see it in full color take on our country.

I celebrate the women who take a stand for what is right.  The one that lends a hand to another woman in need.  The one who sees a friend struggle and leans in to help.  I’m for the ones who lift each other up, not the ones who step on my hands as they climb over me to take the higher step on the ladder.  I’m also for the women who work hand in hand with the men of this world to make things better for us all.

I am not better than a man. God made us both and made us equals. I’m so tired of seeing the male bashing, mud slinging hatred that is running rampant in this country.

Only God can save us now.

Murder in America

I’m sorry if you don’t like what I have to say; but as always, in the land of the free, I am entitled to my opinion.

Abortion is murder.  What a few states have just signed into law is beyond murder, it’s an abomination.  The fact that they will allow a doctor, midwife or nurse kill a baby that is born alive is a horrible person.  I’m outraged.  The next thing we know they’ll allow parents to murder their children.

I cried when I saw NY, my home state, as the leader in this horrible new abortion law.  I keep crying as each additional state adds it’s murder law to the books.

What is wrong with people these days?  Are we so screwed up that if one side of the aisle is against it, the other side needs to embrace it?  Between that and the New Green Deal or the anti-sematic rhetoric, this country is quickly turning into a garbage dump.  This is not the America I grew up in, the I fought to defend, that I’d give my life for.  I can only put my faith in God that we can turn this country around and make it the wonderful place I grew up in.

You can’t let your kids sell things door to door; because you don’t know who you neighbor truly is anymore.  You can’t trust teachers, coaches or babysitters anymore.  This whole world is screwed up and we better fix ourselves before they completely take away all of our freedoms and rights.

WAKE UP, PEOPLE!!!  The next thing you know, we’ll be in a communist state and standing in bread lines or worse, have nothing to eat at all.  I don’t care if you’re left, right or middle, you have a responsibility to keep yourself and others safe.  You wouldn’t feed your family poison, so why are you listening to people who have only their own interests in mind.  The government doesn’t care about you!  Each of these elected officials have only their greed and own agendas.

This is our country, we need to take it back.

Mind of a Mad Woman

Ah, the title of my blog and vlog.  I’m sure you wonder why?  Well, back in the mid 90’s I came up with the name and used to for the title of my poetry notebook.  At the time I started it, my life was out of control.  I had just been put on the Temporary Disabled Retired List (TDLR) and had moved back home from S.C. to N.Y.   My USMC days were over and my new “life” as a disabled veteran became a reality.  It was a time of chaos.  I was registering for medical care with the VAMC and filing a claim for service related disability.  My take home pay was $346 a month and I felt defeated, lost in bureaucracy, just another number in a broken system that had no idea how to treat women since women generally didn’t use the system for care.

It was sheer madness.  My mind was shattered in a million pieces and I didn’t know which way was up.  I felt defeated, half a woman and had no idea how to fix it.  I’d been let go from several jobs; because of my medical condition.  I didn’t blame them at all.  I was a mess and I knew it.  I was fortunate, though, because my family welcomed me home and stood by me when I couldn’t even stand up.

I have to say, it was probably the hardest time in my life due to the intense chaos and uncertainty of where I was going and what I could do.

Anyway, the title, “Mind of a Mad Woman” just seems to sum up my life.  Things are better than they were when life was so uncertain; but my mind is full of unending madness and I’m not ashamed of it or who I am.

Anyway, I’ve been working on my vlog and it’s got several videos.  I’ve got videos about my mom, dad, sisters, life and an 8 part series about being married to a psychopath.  I’m now working on a video about what a psychopath is and how I came to the conclusion that my ex was one.  Though these videos are not full of all the details and incidents, they do highlight the more gruesome ones.  I gloss over the things he did to our son; for his privacy.  I make references to the abuse; but don’t go into great detail.  I respect my son too much to cause him any stress.  That’s his story to tell.

Speaking of his story, he just had me proof read his essay last month in which he shares his experience.  He always has me proof read his papers and I was a bit surprised at the content; but really proud of him for being able to share it.  I’d always heard that you know you’re cured of the trauma when you can tell your story without crying.  I guess we’ve both reach this point in our lives. 😀

God has been very good to us.  He’s helped us heal, led us to places to get help, brought us to our home church and more.  We are both very blessed and I can only imagine when He’ll take us next.

In researching vlogging, I watch a few that I like for the variety of content.  I like Jon Carlin, Vlog After College and Zach Hing a lot.  Of course, I also watch Super Carlin Brothers, Topi the Corgi, Shawn’s Secrets and Harry Potter Folklore for entertainment.  I do like several others and do watch other; but these are the ones that I watch the most.  I also love to watch Ben Shapiro.  Please, no hate, he’s just interesting and I like him.

I have to say that I am nervous about being so public with my life.  After the ex and I split, his friends assaulted me on social media and created so much hell for me; because I “deserved” all that I got.  They shared his lies, taunted and stalked me.  I had to put my life in “private” mode or suffer the wrath of the people who knew nothing about our lives behind closed doors except what he told them. When he died in 2016, I was again harassed by his friends, sent horrible emails, accused again of being the bad guy and liar.  I can only hope that these people will not discover my vlog and begin the harassment again.

I’m strong enough to handle it, I just don’t want my son to be affected by the jackals in this life.

Crazy week!

Monday, I had to have a tooth extracted.  The site of the extraction isn’t bothering me at all, except the stitch, which is scraping my cheek and annoying.  My jaw and facial nerves, however, are out of control!!!  Not even where the tooth was; but the front, across my cheeks.  UGH!  My jaw is very sore when opening and closing and the fact that it’s hard to do anything (talking, chewing, etc). So annoying.

My son took me into the dentist and made sure that I’ve had everything I needed while recovering.  He knows I’m having a bad time of it and is being a sweetie pie.  He also pointed out the bruise on my face that I didn’t notice until he did. LOL!  The fact that it is nowhere near the extraction site is puzzling.  Anyway, he’s getting points for being such a good kid in my book.

His 2nd Semester schedule is much busier than his first.  It’s much fuller and longer hours.  I’m here at the house by myself for most of Monday to Thursday.  Well, at least I have things that keep me busy.

So, before we had the dental appointment, we had to give Honi a bath.  I think a dog came to the fence and peed on her.  She was covered in a smelly mess from head to tail and was soaked.  At first I thought she’d rolled in poop; but when we got her in the sink, it was all just wetness and not substance.  Anyway, she was really good in the bath and once she dried I brushed her out.  She had some mats; but after I sprinkled her with corn starch, they brushed right out.  She’s a good one, for sure.

I’ve been watching a lot of VlogAfterCollege on YouTube.  He’s a guy named Ryen who owns a corgi (Pembroke welsh) who looks a lot like our Tippy did.  So cute.  Biggest difference is that ours was the Cardigan and he had a tail.  Anyway, they’re pretty entertaining.

For the first time in over 20 years, I decided to stop going to the nail salon.  It was my monthly “me”; but after not finding anyone like the gal who’s done it for the last 9 years, it’s been a pain.  The last six months we’ve been here, I’ve tried a couple places and have been sorely disappointed.  As a matter of fact, I’ve not had them start lifting and popping off at the 3 week mark before and by the time it hit a month, they’re all off.  So, I am taking a break.  UGH!  They look terrible. 😦

I’ve already made and published a number of videos on my own YouTube channel and will be doing several more this coming week.

The Lord came to me and told me to tell my story.  I’ve been doing it on this blog; but I do believe that He wanted more, so I’m sharing it all on video, too.  Maybe they’ll help someone.  I can only hope.

Have a great rest of the week!

Missy Minzi

I’m a Pommy Mommy.  Have been since 1995 and have had 7 over all these years.  I still have two now, Honi & Teddy. (3 y/o & 10 y/o)  I love them dearly and can’t imagine my life without one by my side.

Today, I went onto Instagram and found out that one of my favorite little gals has passed away.  Her name was Missy Minzi.   Minzi lived in Germany with her mom and dad, two pommy siblings; Lia and Monty, and two keeshonds’, Cora and Aisha.

When I read the little blurb on her story, I fell apart.  This barely 3lb little one was another of those “heroes” we meet along the way.  As a pup, she’d been mishandled by a stranger who dropped her and due to this, her leg broke.  After trying to repair it, the vet finally had to amputate it; because of complications.

Losing her leg never stopped her.  She was the fastest thing on three legs.  Her brother, Monty was from the same litter as she was and she out ran him whenever they’d race.  This strong, feisty little girl will be missed by her fans.

Minzi even has her own page which you can click HERE to find.

Why this 3 y/o little girl left us so soon is unknown; but I’m sure the world is a bit sadder for losing her.  She was amazing.  Heroes come in all shapes and sizes and this little fireball was one of them.  She put a smile on the faces of over 116K everyday.  The creativity of her photos is amazing to see and always a smile on her little face.  I loved to see the new and exciting adventures she’d show us.

My first pom, Jake, was my best friend and the love of my life.  He came to me at a time when I truly needed him.  It was near the beginning of my disability and I have to tell you, the support and love he gave to me was indescribable.  I called him the “original” purse puppy.  No one was carrying dogs around in their purses when I was doing so.  I took him everywhere with me and no one even knew it.  It took me over a year to get over the loss of this sweet soul in fur. ❤

For those who have never had a dog, they will not understand the value that they can give to your life.  A companion beyond what is imaginable.  As a matter of fact, my Honi immediately jumped into my lap when I started crying over Minzi.  She offered herself to me for comfort.  She has done this since day one in our household.  When her daddy was alive, she helped him so much.  The poor girl mourned him terribly for an entire month before bucking up and returning to her joyful self.  She’s such a sweetie.

As I know her family is mourning her sudden loss, I am praying for their peace and sending them my love.  It’s so hard to lose someone you love so dearly.

Rest in peace, Minzi.  You are so loved.


New Year, New You!

As always, every New Year brings with it a new set of “resolutions” that we’re going to make to get in shape, budget, exercise, go to church more, or whatever you feel the need to change or improve.  Every year, within the first two weeks, old habits return and old desires become the normal, again.

At the beginning of this month, I started drinking “Keto Coffee” a brand of the ItWorks products that help a person to lose weight.  I’m not a coffee drinker. My go to beverage is water.  However, I gave the coffee a try and it’s not bad.  I’m beginning to use it more frequently and I’m hoping to see results soon.  I’m so not a scale person; but I will try and track my progress.

Because of my fluctuating A1C level, which is the only part of my blood tests that seem to be out of sync, I desperately need to get a handle on it and keep my weight down in order to keep the A1C at a normal level.  UGH!  So, I’m trying it all.

If you have an interest in trying this product and some others, check out the link HERE.

ItWorks has several products for weight loss, skin care, and immunity among others things.

Personally, I’m taking my health into my own hands; because no one else will.  If we don’t care for us, we lose.  I know with the healthcare industry and insurance industry so topsy turvy it’s a wonder we can even get in to see a doctor; because of the cost and all.  It’s a shame; but in this country, health care is not a priority; but a business.  This is why I’m trying to get my health a bit better.

There are somethings I will never be able to “fix” like my trigeminal neuralgia or my TMJ; but other things will depend on my changing my diet and lowering my weight.

With the new year less than a week away, I’m getting my life and health on track.  I hope you will, too.

Happy New Year!!!

TN, A Journey of Pain


I know I’ve written about my pain before and probably mentioned that I have Trigeminal Neuralgia.  The past two months, I’ve been suffering terribly from the pain and the increased vertigo and nausea.  It’s been a horrible time and I’ve accomplished little in the way of activity.

My journey began September 25, 1992 when a “routine” tooth extraction turned into a nightmare that has lasted 26 years so far.  24/7/365 Needless to say, it sucks.  It depends on the day if I can handle it or not.  Most days on the pain scale I am between 5 and 7.  The past two months, it’s been between 7 and 15 or more, to the point that I am incapable of doing anything more than breathing.

As a matter of fact, I was at church last night and the pain was at about a 5 when I got there and quickly escalated into an 8 by the time I left and when I got home, it took all I could manage to get out of the car and into bed.

Because my TN and vertigo have been escalating in the last few years, I decided to reopen my VA case and add the increased vertigo and having them add the TN to my disability rating.  Since I have a 70% rating with 100% unemployability, I never thought to add the TN; because I don’t get a pay increase. However, since the diagnosis came after the 1995 above rating, I really feel that I need to add it now, in case my son should need to have it in my records and noted as part of the disability.

In 1996, I was sent to Yale Pain Management in New Haven, CT; where I was diagnosed and received treatment from them until January 1998.  Of course, over the last 26 years, all treatments have failed.  I’ve endured medications that have caused weight gain, allergic reactions and no relief.  I’ve had acupuncture and nerve blocks.  I’ve gone to pain management a number of times.  I’ve learned Bio Feedback and self hypnosis.  All, to no avail.  I’m allergic to most narcotics used to help with pain (morphine, codeine, Demerol, Ibuprofen, etc.)  I’ve taken medications for TN as well as those used for epilepsy.

The last time I went to a Neurosurgeon in Orlando who specialized in Gama Knife surgery, I had a 3D MRI in Tampa before he presented my case to their weekly brainstorm sessions to help those with various nerve diseases; only to find out that they, too, recommended pain management as course of action.

Those who don’t know about TN, do not realize that everyday activities like brushing your hair, your teeth, touching your face, smiling, talking, frowning, washing your face, and a myriad of other everyday things can cause multiple variations of pain.  Stabbing, shocking, burning, pulsing, numbing, crawling and so much more.  UGH!  Oh and don’t get me started on eating and drinking!!!!

So, at present, it is suffer with it. Anyway, I hate to complain.  As a matter of fact, most people I know don’t even know that I have this.  I have to laugh; because I was talking about it with a friend when another friend over heard me and said, “I’ve known you for 9 years now and I had no idea.  You never complain.”  I guess I save it for the vlog, where I’m more or less anonymous and people can read it or skip it. 😀

Now, back to baking Christmas cookies!  I’ve volunteered to bake some for a friend who is a director at an area men’s rehab/shelter.  What a blessing that he can minister to those in need.  So happy to watch his ministry at work.  😀

Happy Holidays!

FB: Crimes of Grindelwald

My son & I went to see the new Fantastic Beasts movie and I was not impressed.  I am a Harry Potter fanatic and by far, the first Fantastic Beasts is my new favorite movie and I watch it weekly; but the new one?  Eh.

It has the same beauty that all the HP movies possess.  The beasts are awesome.  The details and scenery are wonderful; but the story line?  Scattered at best.

As far as I am concerned, this movie is what I call a “plot line advancer”.  It gave a wide scattering of new details to advance the story; but no real substance or story line to speak of.  UGH!

I had a feeling that I’d be disappointed and didn’t go opening day, but finally went on Sunday; because my son wanted us to get it over with.  Because of my love for the franchise, my son was very curious that I’d waited so long to go see it.  He also hoped that I didn’t like in; because he didn’t at all. LOL!

Anyway, I can only hope the next 3 installments are better.

Tuesday was my son’s Concert Band concert and it was good.  I was in a lot of pain and wished I’d enjoyed it more; but I know the pain steals so much from me and I was blessed to have been able to enjoy it a bit. I’m so impressed with his performance and that’s all that truly matters.

Thanksgiving was a pleasant affair.  Just the two of us, a 10lb turkey and all the fixings. Oh, and pie!  😀

I’ve been busy working on a 30 day devotional on Prayer over the last two months.  It’s nearly complete.  I’m hoping it will be received well.  If not, <shrug> so be it.

Tomorrow is my last class with Brian Guerin for “School of Hidden Riches” and thus far, we’ve covered a lot of the book of Revelations.  Very educational and knowledgeable teaching from Brian and worth the money I spent to do the class. He has such a soothing voice, too.  I’ve read all his books and even downloaded a few audibles he has.

My church pastor has been out since mid September due to an accident and hospitalization/rehabilitation. He’s healing nicely from his injuries; but can’t seem to catch a break.  He is now having breathing issues.  He is in need of prayer, so if you pray, keep him in mind.  Thanks!

I hope all is well in your lives.  May the blessings of the Lord be upon you from now through the holiday season!

A week in the life.

This week has been a bit crazy.  The weather has been cooler and it’s rained several  nights.  This has messed badly with my Trigeminal Neuralgia and I’ve been miserable.  So much so, that I am not going to see the new Fantastic Beasts movie today; because I’m in such pain.  I know I won’t enjoy it, so I’m not going to waste my money in misery.

Tuesday was my son’s first college “Jazz Concert”.  What an incredible experience.  He is a great musician and I so look forward to where God is taking him.  In the program, he was listed first name “El Oso de Jazz” last name – drums.  (The Jazz Bear) Which I found to be so cute, so it’s his new nickname around here. LOL!  The funny thing is I’ve always called my family some kind of bear, so this is perfect.  ❤

This morning was a tragic, crazy time for me.  The dogs got me up at about 7 am and I let them out.  I turned around and there was a frog on the glass door.  I quickly shut the door and he was trapped between the two doors.  I tried to work the doors so that he could get outside; but he was trapped and I was freaking out.  No matter what I did, I couldn’t get the frog to go outside.  Well, I wound up squishing him and I felt terrible.  Due to him being squished in the track and all, I couldn’t fully shut the door.

In this house, we spell fear “F-R-O-G”.  Doesn’t matter the species:  frog, toad, what have you, it is faced with FEAR! UGH!!!  This is from a childhood of torment by my sister to me with them and I have to say it is embarrassing; but it’s my life.

Now, because it was only 52 degrees this morning, my face was filled with stabbing pain the likes of which I wanted the earth to open up and swallow me into it just to escape the horrible pain.  I took some meds and went back to bed.

When I finally did get up, I let the dogs out, again and the dead frog popped out on the track and was ready for removal.  I went to get my son to have him take it out for me.  Of course, he’s as brave as me when it comes to these things, so I had to give him a set of long handled tongs in which he picked it up and escorted it out of the house to the fence to be tossed over.  He dropped the thing twice on the way; but mission complete.  We then threw the tongs away.

We have church tomorrow and he has plans for the evening tonight.  I will eventually get to see the new movie and I’m sure I’ll review it.  My son teased me about it when I told him I couldn’t wait to see it and then get it on DVD, along with Bohemian Rhapsody.  He stated, “Oh, so you’ll now have three movies on the weekly rotation instead of just “Fantastic Beasts”.  LOL!  He knows me so well.

I went Turkey Day shopping yesterday; because I knew I had to get it done.  I got our small turkey for only $5 and I’m thrilled.  Bought  all the fixings for it as well and I’m ready.  Got two pies — Chocolate Cream and Pecan.  Should be a nice day for us.

I truly hope that you and yours have an extremely blessed Thanksgiving.  Don’t gobble ’til you wobble and be careful on Black Friday.