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Still with Me

Still with Me by Thierry Cohen is a book about a man who commits suicide on his 18th birthday, forsaking God and losing his soul.  He is given just glimpses of what he “has”.  It is about a man who loves a woman so much; but who’s soul is lost due to his choices.  The soul that stays with his body is his dark side.  This dark side is mean, selfish and does what he can to use others in life.  However, the good part of his soul shows up, on his birthday, nine times over the next 59 years.  When his true self shows up, he tries to right the wrongs of his other self.  As each visit ends, he tries to understand and finally clarity is given at the very end  of his life. 

The author states that he wrote it because his best friend committed suicide and I cannot imagine doing this with my own life.  Not now.  However, at the age of 26, when things were looking so bleak and I couldn’t bear the pain of my disability anymore, I tried to end my life.  It didn’t work.  I “slept” it off.  No one even knew.  It was then that I realized God had other plans for me.  His plans must be great; because he has helped me escaped death 7 times. 

Besides the selfishness of ending your own life, I now see that it can also be detrimental to your soul.  My sister once told my father that I was the only one she’d forgive if I ended my life; because I am such constant pain.  I’ve read that over 90% of people who have TN end their lives.  TN (trigeminal neuralgia) is the most painful disease there is.  It would be understandable.  For me, it is no longer acceptable!  I will not end the gift of my life from God to end my own suffering. 

I recently heard a preacher state that if God hasn’t healed you of your suffering then you’re obviously not doing it right.  I don’t see it that way.  God doesn’t give you all that you want.  God lets prayers go unanswered if it is His will.  My pain is my journey.  My pain is mine to bear.  My pain is what God has given me and it is mine alone to deal with. 

My pain leaves me irritable.  My pain leaves me angry at times.  My pain leaves me exhausted.  My pain consumes my life.  What my pain does not do is end.  My pain has given me understanding.  My pain has given me resilience.  My pain has made me who I am at this time in my life.

The book really touched me especially since that could’ve been me.  What if this had been me?  I would have missed out on so much joy and happiness in my life.  My work with fellow Veterans, my wedding, my sister’s wedding, my niece and nephews, my own son.  I can’t imagine what it would be like without these wonderful, supportive people in my life.  They make life worth living and I would have hurt so many people.

I’ve always loved things that make you think.  Things that leave a lasting impression and this book is something that has left a very lasting impression on me.  I thank God very much for saving me so many times so that I can be here.  Thank you, God.  🙂

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About irishgoddess1337

SAHM, Retired Marine, Christian who survived Domestic Violence, living with Lupus, Fibromyalgia, Migraine, TMJ, Trigeminal Neuralgia, Sleep Apnea and living my life for Jesus! My son is a Senior this year!! YIKES! I love music! My son plays drums in his High School Marching Band & Percussion group. We live with three fur babies -- Tippy the Corgi and Honi & Teddy the Poms. I scrapbook, stamp and make rag dolls for fun! I've recently started acrylic painting and making jewelry. Life is good!

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