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Little Girl Lost

Sometimes I still feel like a lost little girl. It’s hard to believe I’ll be 45 this October. I have overcome so much and still I wonder how God let’s me be an adult, who takes care of a son.

I still have nightmares due to my PTSD. Sometimes my anger at my life is too much to bear. When I am so overwhelmed by my disabilities that I can only cry, that is when I feel like that little girl most. I just want to curl up in my bed and have my mom take care of me; but I can’t. I am a grown woman, who has her own child to take care of and I can’t have that luxury.

I would rather die in battle, as an honorable Marine, with a gun in my hand, than this slow, agonizing death at the hands of my own treacherous body. I don’t feel sorry for myself and the life I live. I’m a survivor and proud of the battles I have won. The problem is that some days, it just gets so overwhelming that I am that little girl in need of my own comfort. My major fault is that I put EVERYTHING ahead of my own needs until I reach this point and have a meltdown.

I have survived domestic violence, rape, and molestation. I suffer PTSD, Migraine, TMJ, Trigeminal Neuralgia, Lupus, allergies to everything, diabetes and hearing loss. And yet, I am still a little girl inside. I love my life. I love what I have accomplished, the people I have met along the way who have taught me so much, the young man I am raising to be such a wonderful adult. Life is interesting. The challenges are many; but the journey is worth the walk.

God, I am grateful for the many blessing you have given to me and my family. I am luckier than most. I accept the things I cannot change, even when I am feeling like a child. You, Lord, are my everything and I will shed this human flesh when we are reunited.


About irishgoddess1337

Retired Marine, Christian who survived Domestic Violence, living with Lupus, PTSD, Fibromyalgia, Migraine, TMJ, Trigeminal Neuralgia, Sleep Apnea and living my life for Jesus! My son is a Senior this year!! YIKES! I love music! My son plays drums in his High School Marching Band & Percussion group. We live with three fur babies -- Tippy the Corgi and Honi & Teddy the Poms. I scrapbook, stamp and make rag dolls for fun! I've recently started acrylic painting and making jewelry. Life is good!

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