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Dear Beloved.

My Dear Beloved!

How I miss you. How I love you. How I long to be with you. How I wish you were real. Alas, you are not. The man I loved and adored was a LIE!!!! He never existed.

I have to congratulate you on your 14 year performance. I had my suspensions; but could never quite see beneath the surface of your charade. Tiny glimpses into what I thought I saw and questioned.

Lie number one was that you loved me and only me. I found out that while you were telling me this lie, you were also telling your wife. While you were planning a future with me, in our apartment, you were planning to continue your life with your wife and children, hundreds of miles away. You lied to both of us. Crying to both of us about how the other was nuts. We were both fools.

Glimpses of your true self slipped out after our son was born. The rough way you treated him, the harsh way you treated ALL children. Complaints I made excuses for when other parents told me you were too rough, should’ve been a clue to me. That you held our son down on the floor and bite him all over and then blamed him for it, a small boy of 4 years old. The times you shared beer and porn with him at the age of 8 years old was too much. You were out of control and I should’ve left you in 2002 when you got fired from your job for using their computers for pornography. You remember, when I found out all about the whores you were sleeping with. The way you “cried”. Must be nice to be able to cry on command. PATHETIC!

And yet, I forgave you. I am a fool.

All the subtle abuses you perfected. How you would grab my face to inflict further pain on my damaged nerves. The straight faced lies. You are a great actor, my precious psychopath. No emotional attachment to anyone, not even your own flesh and blood. Three beautiful children who are so much better off without you. Our son, who is grateful to be free of you, is safe now. Your other two children and first Ex, all grateful to be free of you. Do you care? Nope. As I’ve said, you have no emotional attachment to anyone. You have no empathy. You only care about YOU and only YOU! Pretender, actor, liar, cheat!

Oh how I cried for the wasted years. I wish I had known. I wish I had seen. However, I do not regret it. I do not regret my son. He is more of a man at 14 than you will ever be at any age. What a wonderful person he is and continues to be as he grows and learns and blossoms.

I feel sorry for you. You will never know the love I have in my life. The love of a child & parent, the love of other people, the true caring that comes from relationships. Not that you even care; because you don’t know how. It is not part of your make up.

Oh my beloved man, how I love you still. Too bad, you do not exist, except in my mind.


About irishgoddess1337

Retired Marine, Christian who survived Domestic Violence, living with Lupus, PTSD, Fibromyalgia, Migraine, TMJ, Trigeminal Neuralgia, Sleep Apnea and living my life for Jesus! My son is a Senior this year!! YIKES! I love music! My son plays drums in his High School Marching Band & Percussion group. We live with three fur babies -- Tippy the Corgi and Honi & Teddy the Poms. I scrapbook, stamp and make rag dolls for fun! I've recently started acrylic painting and making jewelry. Life is good!

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