FFCC Drumline Competitions

From January to the end of March, we have a short Winter season called “Indoor Drumline” which is fun for the high school musicians (drummers) looking for an outlet. The ensemble is a competitive unit whose goal is to obtain the highest and most precise level of training and performance in marching percussion.

This year was our first experience with indoor.  It’s been GREAT!  Our high school entered 4 stages of the competition and took third place in the first 3 and 5th place in the last which we competed with a larger number of teams.

Our show, “Pathways” had a pit with marimbas, vibes, guitars, gong, large drum, chimes, keyboard & drum kit and a battery of 9 members, 3 snares, 5 bass and one tenor.  The show is around five minutes of time.  The performers routine is performed on a tarp.  From the time the unit steps into the performance area, they are timed for setup and graded on the time and their performance routine.  Costumes were designed and worn and the kids did wonderful!

We had four cars with 17 kids to take around the state to compete.  Our crew was great and the parents who drove were very supportive.  Every member did a great job of making the show a success and I was so proud of them all.  This smaller, tighter group of performers worked really hard to accomplish so much in such a small amount of time.

We ended in Daytona Beach for the FFCC championship and a weekend spent away.  We came back with our 5th place placard and a sense of real accomplishment.

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IMO

In my opinion…

First off, I can’t describe the anger I feel when someone gives their opinion and when I give mine in return, I am chastised, mistreated or ignored as if I don’t matter.  I’m so tired of it.

I MATTER!  MY OPINIONS MATTER!

We live in a world where expressing your opinion is easy.  You can write a blog or share various views and information on numerous social media venues.  However, when it comes to actually talking to people, you can’t seem to allow your opinion to be voiced because you get some blow hard who feels your opinion doesn’t matter.

I was speaking to one such blow hard a few days ago and each time I did so, when needing to express myself on the subjects we spoke of, the immature @$$ either yelled over me so I could not be heard OR mimicked me in order to get me to shut up.  I felt like I was speaking with a 2 year old instead of a man equal in age to me.  What a jerk!

What makes it worse is that I am sick.  Sick and tired of this blow hard thinking that I am not as important as he is.  Continually, he treats me as if I am too stupid to even understand anything.  When I get upset, he apologizes; but not without a backhanded insult to go with it.  So over it!

This last week seems to be worse than most times, though.  I’m suffering from a viral infection of the sinuses and I’m feeling just horrible.  He is too.  Every time he starts a discussion, which is long winded and to “educate me” on things I already know and for which he is not even near as schooled as I am, I get told how ignorant I am.  When I prove myself true, I am a “know it all”.

I am beyond knowing what to do about this and until I figure it out, I guess I’m going to have to live with it. 😦

I’ve got to get back to being more positive.  I hate all this negative stuff I’m in right now.

Promises are lies.

I’m so tired of promises that are lies.  I’m so over the bull shit of living with a crazy man.  Promises made to me always broken.  Lies told so often I can’t tell when he’s telling the truth.  Thought he was different from the ex; but I guess I’m not right as usual.  Today, because I was not feeling well yesterday, he decided to treat me like shit.  How come when he’s sick, I bend over backwards to take care of him; but not reciprocate at all.  He’s taken great liberty to assault me four times today by throwing various objects at me and telling me that I’m the violent one who assaults people.  Haven’t touched him at all.  Ignored him the whole time.  The last two hits were because I’m not kissing his ass as usual.  First some random thing from the table and then when I told him “No”, he wiped a die at me, hitting me square in the cheek.  It has caused my nerve damage to scream in pain; but it’s my own fault for denying him HIS WILL!

FUCK HIM!  I told him I was calling the police and he flipped out.  I don’t even care.  I’m tired of him throwing things at me like I am his personal shit bag.  I’m tired of hearing what a cunt, whore, bitch and slut I am for not being “perfect” everyday.  If I spend too much time with my son, I get cursed out.  If I spend too much time at church, I get cursed out.  If I have a life outside of HIS WILL, I get cursed out.

He recently received his VA pension and thinks he’s king shit.  He then proceeds to tell me that I’m jealous because I have to lord it over him that I make money and he didn’t, so now I  will proceed to destroy all the things he’ll buy with his money because I’m that much of a bitch.  BTW, this is something that never even occurred to me; because I don’t think like that. He continually tells me how well he knows me and what I’m going to do, even when most of the time, it is untrue.

He’s a no good drunk, too.  Can’t tell you how many times he’s “promised” to stop drinking, take better care of himself or help me out only to NOT.  He was told not to mix his meds with energy drinks; because of the adverse affects; but he continues to do so.  He lies to his doctors.  He “sugar coats” his bullshit and I’m the bad guy if I call him on it.

He’s just now accused me of going to kick him out because he has money.  Well, since he’s been drunk and stupid since receiving it two weeks ago, I can’t help but want to kick him out.

Got him a dog, who adores him, and he throws her in my face repeatedly.  She makes him happy but gives her back all the time.  He’s a jerk.  I wish he’d drop dead sometimes.

Get this, the doctor told me to take control of the medication by delving it out, so I fill the pill box weekly.  Well, if I don’t hand the pills to him and then give him his shots, he won’t take them.  He will pitch a fit.  When I tell him they are less than a foot from his hand, his reaction is “aren’t you going to get them for me?”  What about my shot???  He can’t do anything on his own now.  Oh, I should mention that I am in charge because he tried to off himself in November.  Yeah, that jackass took a bunch of metformin and two nova pens (synthetic insulin).  So, I called the ambulance and had him Baker Acted.  I wish they kept him longer than three days.  He’s been on a drunken rampage ever since.

I’m angry.  I went back to the VA for therapy because of all this.  He’s pissed off.  I can’t have therapy.  I can’t “talk” to anyone about him in a negative way.  I have to eat my anger and accept it.  Shove it under the carpet so no one can see it.   FUCK HIM!

I keep forgetting that I am not allowed to be sick.  I am not allowed to be upset or angry. I just have to be happy and carefree all the time, at his beck and call.  I wish he’d leave me alone. I’m sure he’ll be dead soon enough.