50th Anniversary Party

Congratulations to my mom and dad for making it last for 50 years of marriage and 52 years together.  It’s nearly unheard of these days.

Well, my sisters threw a 50th Anniversary Party for my parents this weekend. I offered no input to the gathering and didn’t even attend. Why? Because shortly before Thanksgiving last year my father let me know exactly how my family feels about me.

Apparently, my family has been putting up with my bull shit for years.

“IT has come to my attention that I am a total and complete piece of shit in the eyes of my family. I am so sorry that I was ever born. For the last 46 years, all had to deal with me. I am nothing; but a nasty, evil bitch. I never realized how much my own family disliked me. I got an earful. I’ve heard all about how no one likes me and can barely tolerate me.  By the way, it’s good to know that I deserved to get my ass kicked by my ex-husband.”

I am beyond hurt.  I am beyond caring.  Today, after not showing up yesterday, my sister posted that they had a great time; but missed my son at the event.  No mention of me.  My son was sick.  He didn’t want to go anyway, he’d had enough of his “Aunt” blaming me for things.  Yeah, he spent part of the summer there with my parents and couldn’t wait to get home to sanity.  I guess he didn’t care for her degrading of my character while he was out in Texas with them.  Poor kid.

I’ve seen my father a few times since then with minimal talking.  I don’t have anything to say to him and apparently he doesn’t have anything to say to me, either.   Fine with me.  My mother kisses my ass so that I don’t take my son from her, which I never would, and I can’t even imagine what I have done that was so wrong in my life that they are better off without me.

At this age, I was so over looking for their approval.  I just never realized that I was so hated by my own family.  I’m glad they all had a great time.  I am also glad I didn’t go and ruin the party for them.  I just wish I knew what it was I did that was so horrible that they feel this way.

I’d apologize to them; but they’d probably tell me I was looking for pity which is so untrue.  I don’t need pity.  I don’t want it.  I feel sorry for me not at all.  I guess I’ll never know what the heck is wrong with me as a person.  I’m human, not perfect.  I try to be a good person ALWAYS; but I’ll never be good enough for them. 😦

Yeah, should’ve know….my mom’s favorite saying as I was growing up was, “I hate you, I wish you’d never been born.”  Yeah, so do I.