Hateful People

Have you ever known someone who is a hateful person? I’m stuck with one. He’s the type of person who pulls out all the stops when you have an argument. He throws everything at you and the kitchen sink. This man pulls materials from any intimacy you have ever shared, any confessions of the soul, any slight you have given him over the entire time you have known him. He does not fight nice and thinks he is justified in what he is doing.

Just took him to the ER on Wednesday evening and he got admitted on Thursday morning to the hospital. They took real good care of him and after three days, he was discharged to come home. He was given medication to take, antibiotics, which he needed to continue over the next four days in order to fully recover. Only problem is that he can’t drink while taking them, so he stopped taking them. I can tell he’s beginning to not feel well again; but he feels he is cured and has been drunk ever since.

As for me, he just told me this morning that since in the 8 years I’ve known him that I’ve never been hospitalized for my pain, so it’s insignificant in comparison. I have never been in so much pain that I needed to go to the emergency room. That I “always” have a headache and need to quit bitching about it.

Trigeminal Neuralgia has been my constant companion for the last 24 years. I have been in pain 24/7 with no relief. I have been to countless doctors, had numerous MRI’s, CT scans and tests done which all prove worthless in finding me a cure. I am allergic to half the medications prescribed for this disease and the other half of the medications used are ineffective.

My pain has been reduced to meaningless.

I have held him while he’s cried over losing his children, over his painful neuropathy, over his tummy issues, over his nightmares; but for me, who doesn’t complain, who doesn’t cry about my problems, I am worthless.

When my head has numbing that crawls from my face, crossing it to give an entire head of numbness or when it feels like I have bugs under my skin, does not matter. When I get lightning strikes from a smile, eating, crying, talking, or just breathing, you don’t matter. I’m so tired of this shit.

I am really hating him more than I am even liking him. He can’t get out of his own chair or way, but I am the one who is a piece of shit.

I feel like I have a second father. He lectures me on countless topics, to which he feels I am in desperate need of hearing. He can’t wait to point out how stupid I am if I don’t know something. He is genuinely clueless when it comes to interacting with people. If he can’t be the center of attention, he pouts.

He’s recently gotten in touch with his oldest brother. They are both diabetics and alcoholics, so they share so much. They will talk for hours. His brother and he as so much alike it is crazy. They’re 11 years apart and more alike than twins. Scares me. I spoke with his brother’s girlfriend and we are amazed at how much alike they are.

He exhausts me. He doesn’t let me sleep. He is mean. He’s rotten and EVERYTHING is MY fault. He can be critical; but I am not allowed. I sometimes wish God would kill me and end my suffering.