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So much pain

I am in so much pain I can barely breath.  My Trigeminal Neuralgia is at full force today.  The pain is radiating through my entire head and the numbness that is crawling across my face is making me crazy.  The light is obnoxious, the sound deafening and if I wasn’t such a bitch, I’d eat a fucking bullet right now.  Alas, I am not going to give into this mother fucker.  I will conquer it.

I’m allergic to pain medications, so I have tried several other methods of dealing; but to no avail.  Sometimes, nothing helps me at all.

I went to my class tonight and tried my best.  I could hardly wait to get out of there, though.  I love my instructor; but everything was so annoying to me tonight.  UGH!  I don’t even know how effective it was; but I was there.

I despise these out of control days.  I can’t take it when the tears stream down my cheeks in rivers of misery and  there is nothing I do can stop them.  TN SUCKS!!!  It’s year 24 of this misery and you would think I’d be used to the 24/7 crazy; but there are days I can deal and other days when no matter what I do, it overwhelms me to no end.

I remember back in 1997 when the neurosurgeon suggested that they remove the nerves from my face and I was horrified because there was such a high risk of permanent paralysis and I don’t think it would have helped anyway.  In 2012, I went to another specialist and he decided I wasn’t a good candidate for gamma knife surgery, either.  Nerve block did nothing.  Allergic to narcotics, can’t even take ibuprofen. This shit sucks.  I’m only 48 and I can only imagine the next 50 years of this pain.

OMG, I just realized I’ve lived half of my life with this shit!  UNBELIEVABLE!  I could just smack the doctor who did this to me.  Heck, I can’t even sue them because I was in the military.  I’m so over it.  I sometimes wish I were normal; but I’d probably be bored. LOL! Such is the life in the mind of a mad woman.


About irishgoddess1337

Retired Marine, Christian who survived Domestic Violence, living with Lupus, PTSD, Fibromyalgia, Migraine, TMJ, Trigeminal Neuralgia, Sleep Apnea and living my life for Jesus! My son is a Senior this year!! YIKES! I love music! My son plays drums in his High School Marching Band & Percussion group. We live with three fur babies -- Tippy the Corgi and Honi & Teddy the Poms. I scrapbook, stamp and make rag dolls for fun! I've recently started acrylic painting and making jewelry. Life is good!

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