Why is it that when you need to sleep the most, it doesn’t come and the memories of yesterday come sweeping in for me to review and judge?
I’ve been up since 4 am and I know it was after midnight when I finally fell asleep. I couldn’t sleep because my mind will not shut down. I reviewed my life and my mistakes. All the times I opened my heart to another only to get screwed over.
My friend’s daughter had a baby in 2004. She was living in utter squalor. Didn’t even have running water or a toilet, so I gave her a choice, come home with me or I call CPS. The baby was dying. He looked like skin stretched over skeleton. It was a shame. He was not tolerating the soy formula he was given. He was also lacteous intolerant. By taking him in, I was able to save them both. She got pissed that I wouldn’t let her deadbeat boyfriend stay, so she called her grandmother, who took her and the boy in; but refused the boyfriend, who eventually went off with another gal. I’m the bitch.
I had a friend who came through Hurricane Katrina and used EVERYONE she could to get things. She had men sending her money and gifts. It was pathetic. However, she also used me and when I truly needed her, she couldn’t be bothered to help at all. I did so much for her and she couldn’t even write a letter of support for me and my son after we were abused by the ex.
Another time I befriended a gal at church. She used and abused every member of our church. She took money, stole, begged for rides everywhere, hurt so many people and then stood back and acted like the victim.
I have always had a heart for others and I guess that’s why I’ve been used so much. I hurt so bad for all that I’ve lost; but I know God is watching and he knows my heart. It’s not always been bad. I’ve had a lot of friends that have not been bad at all. I guess I just have been letting some “stinking thinking” happen, especially in the late night darkness.