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Why me?

I’ve lived my life with a great love for everyone.  Why is it that no one; but my son, has ever truly loved me?  My life is one painful thing after another.  I have so many questions about why my life has gone this way.

I mentioned the lie of last evening in an earlier post and the thing that gets me is that after telling me about his “love interest” he proceeded to offer me encouragement and made like our friendship had value to it when he knew he was lying.  So, I have to wonder, what did I do to cause, yet another, to intentionally hurt me?

I don’t even feel sorry for myself.  I accept that my lot in life is to be shit on by everyone.  I’m used to the pain.  I just can’t understand why.  Am I such a horrible person that I don’t even see it?

I pray for everyone.  I love everyone.  I give far beyond what I get.  I don’t even look for any type of payment for anything I do for others.  I know others don’t have a heart like mine.  I accept all this without complaint.  I talk to God about it all.  I give it to him and I have been so much better for it.  I don’t worry like I used to.  I am happy more than sad these days.

Heck, it’s not like I told the man I was moving to his town to be with him.  I wanted to just see where it would lead.  I know he’s healing and I just wanted his friendship and that maybe God would bless us one day.  A year, two years, five years, or never; but just get to know each other so we could see.  However, I received a slap in the face for caring.  I’ve never known someone to throw out a friendship and love from that friend, for just extending the hand.  I even told him that’s what I wanted.  Heck, I guess I misunderstood his responses to my straightforward statements.

Once again, I am the fool for being too much of a giver.  Funny, he told me he was the same way.  If that were true, I don’t understand why he’d deliberately hurt me like he did.  People like me don’t go out of their way to hurt others; because we know how much it hurts.  SMH.

Hurt people hurt people.

I pray to my Heavenly Father that He heals him fully.  I pray that his heart and mind are fully restored with all his hurts removed.  I pray he finds true love and happiness.  I’m not even mad at him.  I forgive him for hurting me.

I just wish I knew why he had to hurt me, just like everyone else.


About irishgoddess1337

Retired Marine, Christian who survived Domestic Violence, living with Lupus, PTSD, Fibromyalgia, Migraine, TMJ, Trigeminal Neuralgia, Sleep Apnea and living my life for Jesus! My son is a Senior this year!! YIKES! I love music! My son plays drums in his High School Marching Band & Percussion group. We live with three fur babies -- Tippy the Corgi and Honi & Teddy the Poms. I scrapbook, stamp and make rag dolls for fun! I've recently started acrylic painting and making jewelry. Life is good!

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