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Bad day

Today is a bad pain day.  I’ve spent most of the day in bed.  My son is out with friends, so the house is empty except for me and the pooches.  I’ve spent a lot of time crying.  It’s two weeks until Christmas and I’m not really feeling it.

The tree is up and completely decorated.  My son is having a party here next Sunday.  The house needs a “once over” before then and I will get to it this week.  The presents are under the tree and wrapped.  I have just one more to go pick up and I’m done.  My son’s concert is on Thursday night and the parents will be here for it.

With all this readiness, I’m still just blah.  I made two paintings last night.  Hate’em.   I have no motivation to do a dang thing.  I’m barely making this post.  I just have to get it out, though, so I’m doing it. 😛

I bought Christmas dinner last night so we’re ready for that night.  We’re having a joint service with the church we rent space from on Christmas Eve, which I am looking forward to going.  I spend my 4 mile bike ride praying to God.  I am always talking to Him. 😀

Still working on the book. Wrote two more chapters the other night bringing it up to 13 chapters.  It is coming along nicely.  I’ve been reading a lot.

Sometimes I get so lonely.  I have friends; but I don’t know how to deal with the loneliness. I’ve always been good with my own company.  I’ve never had a problem with being by myself.  I guess it’s just the loss that is starting to hit me hard.

Today was the Hope Hospice Memorial service for all those who passed this past year.  I didn’t go.  I wanted to go; but I just couldn’t.  Maybe I should have; but for some reason, I couldn’t make the call to tell them I’d attend.  I couldn’t make myself go there.

I’m falling apart, I’m barely breathing…..I’m in so much pain.  TN sucks.  I guess it’s the weather.  I’m not sure why every time it changes, I get struck with this pain.  It brings me down so much.  It’s not like it’s not an everyday thing, it is; but changes make it worse.  Rain is the worse.  Well, except for cold.  Cold cuts me to the bone.

I feel a bit better (emotionally) now that I’ve put it out there.  Journaling has always been a big help in these circumstances.  Just wishing this year to be over so I can move on.  We shall see.


About irishgoddess1337

Retired Marine, Christian who survived Domestic Violence, living with Lupus, PTSD, Fibromyalgia, Migraine, TMJ, Trigeminal Neuralgia, Sleep Apnea and living my life for Jesus! My son is a Senior this year!! YIKES! I love music! My son plays drums in his High School Marching Band & Percussion group. We live with three fur babies -- Tippy the Corgi and Honi & Teddy the Poms. I scrapbook, stamp and make rag dolls for fun! I've recently started acrylic painting and making jewelry. Life is good!

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