In a world full of busy people, sometimes help isn’t always available to those who need it without you paying a price. It’s why I have AAA. I don’t have anyone to depend on in this life but myself. It’s a shame; but it is a fact.
I write this post today; because I am reading a book that gave me a revelation about myself. I am a man. Yup. That’s right. My dad raised me to be self sufficient and not need to depend on anyone but myself. I can change a tire from the rim out. I can fix many minor auto repairs without assistance. I take care of all the things I need doing in my life and go for what I want. I set goals, I achieve them and depend on me for everything.
My son will be going away to college in the fall of 2018. I am already downsizing a three bedroom house so that I can get a much smaller, less expensive place on my own.
Now, with the realization that I act more like a man than I probably should, it has come to my attention that I am the reason all my relationships have failed because of this simple fact. I chase and I don’t wait. UGH! I am ruining my own life! No wonder I have always been one of the “guys”. I can’t get a man or keep one.
One of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do was ask for help from someone else. It is incredibly hard to do, so when I ask, it is because I truly need it. Now, for me, their is a difference between help and assistance. Assistance is for things like reaching stuff that is too high for me to reach or a two person job that requires two people. Help is when I can’t do it myself. Like a need for advice or something that needs doing that I physically can’t do. Though, I do admit, can’t is barely in my vocabulary. I don’t even include professions such as nail techs, doctors, dentists, social work, etc. that I can pay for, but things that you can’t pay for. I hope that makes sense.
I’ve come to the conclusion that what my father tried to do in making us the way we are has been the biggest mistake of my life. I once had one of my guy friends say something to me that really hurt my feelings. I got upset and burst into tears. After I had calmed down, he apologized and said, “You are so tough and strong and one of the guys that I forget your still a girl and should be treated like one.” WTH?
So, here I am, alone, which I believe I will always be, because let’s be honest, no man wants to compete with his woman to do the man stuff. <sigh>