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Who Am I?

I am a woman who thinks of death more than life.  I am a walking disaster.  I am a mistake.  Who am I?  I am fire & ice and heaven & hell.  Born as a substitute for a brother born dead a year earlier, I have been my parents greatest disappointment.

And yet, I am a happy, well balanced person — for the most part. 😀  Every time a bad thing happens to me, I rebound with strength.  I persevere.  I rise out of the ashes, like the Phoenix.  I do not know why.

Despite so many telling me how wrong I am.  Despite those who have broken me, I am still here.  I have been used by so many, yet, I still help.  I have been beaten, giving up, praying for death, and I am still here.  I have been lied to, cheated on, mentally and physically abused and I still stand tall.

I have had my heart ripped out of my chest, stomped on and given back and still, I am the same good person.  I have TMJ, Trigeminal Neuralgia, Fibromyalgia, Migraines, Sleep Apnea, Lupus, Endometriosis, and yet I am still fighting.  Why?  Why haven’t I given up yet?

I joined the USMC and left it all behind and a navy dentist broke me.  She destroyed my life and yet I am still here.  I have faced death 7 times and still I am here.  I have been molested, raped, and used sexually and I am still here.

Despite my brokenness, despite those who hate me, despite it all, I am still here.  I have forgiven everyone who has ever hurt me.  I harbor no ill will toward anyone.  I am at peace.  I do not know what the future holds for me; but I do know that for whatever reason, God still has a plan for me.

Each night, I thank God for getting me through it all.  I thank Him for listening to me when I was so lost.  I thank Him for all the wonderful memories He’s given me that block out the bad ones.

And so, as I now wait on the Lord, to direct me on the right path, I know that for some reason, He has a plan that is right for me.  Patience, though not my strong suite, is necessary, so I wait on the Lord.


About irishgoddess1337

Retired Marine, Christian who survived Domestic Violence, living with Lupus, PTSD, Fibromyalgia, Migraine, TMJ, Trigeminal Neuralgia, Sleep Apnea and living my life for Jesus! My son is a Senior this year!! YIKES! I love music! My son plays drums in his High School Marching Band & Percussion group. We live with three fur babies -- Tippy the Corgi and Honi & Teddy the Poms. I scrapbook, stamp and make rag dolls for fun! I've recently started acrylic painting and making jewelry. Life is good!

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