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Who Am I?

I am a woman who thinks of death more than life.  I am a walking disaster.  I am a mistake.  Who am I?  I am fire & ice and heaven & hell.  Born as a substitute for a brother born dead a year earlier, I have been my parents greatest disappointment.

And yet, I am a happy, well balanced person — for the most part. 😀  Every time a bad thing happens to me, I rebound with strength.  I persevere.  I rise out of the ashes, like the Phoenix.  I do not know why.

Despite so many telling me how wrong I am.  Despite those who have broken me, I am still here.  I have been used by so many, yet, I still help.  I have been beaten, giving up, praying for death, and I am still here.  I have been lied to, cheated on, mentally and physically abused and I still stand tall.

I have had my heart ripped out of my chest, stomped on and given back and still, I am the same good person.  I have TMJ, Trigeminal Neuralgia, Fibromyalgia, Migraines, Sleep Apnea, Lupus, Endometriosis, and yet I am still fighting.  Why?  Why haven’t I given up yet?

I joined the USMC and left it all behind and a navy dentist broke me.  She destroyed my life and yet I am still here.  I have faced death 7 times and still I am here.  I have been molested, raped, and used sexually and I am still here.

Despite my brokenness, despite those who hate me, despite it all, I am still here.  I have forgiven everyone who has ever hurt me.  I harbor no ill will toward anyone.  I am at peace.  I do not know what the future holds for me; but I do know that for whatever reason, God still has a plan for me.

Each night, I thank God for getting me through it all.  I thank Him for listening to me when I was so lost.  I thank Him for all the wonderful memories He’s given me that block out the bad ones.

And so, as I now wait on the Lord, to direct me on the right path, I know that for some reason, He has a plan that is right for me.  Patience, though not my strong suite, is necessary, so I wait on the Lord.

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About irishgoddess1337

SAHM, Retired Marine, Christian who survived Domestic Violence, living with Lupus, Fibromyalgia, Migraine, TMJ, Trigeminal Neuralgia, Sleep Apnea and living my life for Jesus! My son is a teen! YIKES! I love music! My son plays drums in his High School Marching Band & Percussion group. We live with three fur babies -- Tippy the Corgi and Honi & Teddy the Poms. I scrapbook, stamp and make rag dolls for fun! I've recently started acrylic painting and making jewelry. Life is good!

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