For the last 24 years, I’ve been in pain 24/7 for 365. This is a fact, not a whine. This new pain is bringing me down low. Just when I think this is going to be my year, life kicks me in the gut. I don’t think I’ll ever catch a break. I truly hate to complain about the pain; but it is so bad that I am back to vomiting over it. UGH!
I finally decided that wearing a button down shirt is my best option. It is the “least” painful thing to wear when you have to go from one outfit to another. It is still painful; but I’m not having to lift my arm as much as when I wear a pull over.
The pain is radiating from the fingers up to my neck. It is excruciating and I want to scream all the time. I’m not; but I want to do so.
I sometimes feel like God is playing a joke on me. That I am the butt of all of his jokes. “Hey, look what I can do to this gal” and the next disaster strikes. I take it all in and smile while I’m doing it because I know He’s got my back and won’t let me flounder. Boy am I a fool.
Don’t get me wrong. I love God with all my heart and soul. It is just that I feel so lost and alone. For every step or two I take, I am kicked back a mile. I haven’t been able to do anything outside of the house in almost a week. I just drove my kid to and from school and a small trip to the grocery store; but that was exhausting to me.
I haven’t even made dinner in three days. No, my kid won’t starve; but I’ve always made sure to make him a meal and I just can’t do it. I’m so wiped out. I can’t even brush my hair. It’s a raccoon’s nest on steroids!!! I look like holy hell.
If this is supposed to teach me something, I certainly would love to know what. I also feel that I could have learned the lesson without the pain.
My MRI is on the 16th and ortho appt. is on the 22nd. I can hardly wait to see what happens. I just want to move forward.