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Life’s Lemons

For the last 24 years, I’ve been in pain 24/7 for 365.  This is a fact, not a whine.  This new pain is bringing me down low.  Just when I think this is going to be my year, life kicks me in the gut.  I don’t think I’ll ever catch a break.  I truly hate to complain about the pain; but it is so bad that I am back to vomiting over it.  UGH!

I finally decided that wearing a button down shirt is my best option.  It is the “least” painful thing to wear when you have to go from one outfit to another.  It is still painful; but I’m not having to lift my arm as much as when I wear a pull over.

The pain is radiating from the fingers up to my neck.  It is excruciating and I want to scream all the time.  I’m not; but I want to do so.

I sometimes feel like God is playing a joke on me.  That I am the butt of all of his jokes.  “Hey, look what I can do to this gal” and the next disaster strikes.  I take it all in and smile while I’m doing it because I know He’s got my back and won’t let me flounder.  Boy am I a fool.

Don’t get me wrong.  I love God with all my heart and soul. It is just that I feel so lost and alone.  For every step or two I take, I am kicked back a mile.  I haven’t been able to do anything outside of the house in almost a week.  I just drove my kid to and from school and a small trip to the grocery store; but that was exhausting to me.

I haven’t even made dinner in three days.  No, my kid won’t starve; but I’ve always made sure to make him a meal and I just can’t do it.  I’m so wiped out.  I can’t even brush my hair.  It’s a raccoon’s nest on steroids!!!  I look like holy hell.

If this is supposed to teach me something, I certainly would love to know what.  I also feel that I could have learned the lesson without the pain.

My MRI is on the 16th and ortho appt. is on the 22nd.  I can hardly wait to see what happens.  I just want to move forward.

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About irishgoddess1337

SAHM, Retired Marine, Christian who survived Domestic Violence, living with Lupus, Fibromyalgia, Migraine, TMJ, Trigeminal Neuralgia, Sleep Apnea and living my life for Jesus! My son is a teen! YIKES! I love music! My son plays drums in his High School Marching Band & Percussion group. We live with three fur babies -- Tippy the Corgi and Honi & Teddy the Poms. I scrapbook, stamp and make rag dolls for fun! I've recently started acrylic painting and making jewelry. Life is good!

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