Today, I’ve been doing a lot of reflecting on my life. I reread a few messages I’ve received from a friend who gives great advice and I realize what a wonderful mind he has and what a great way with words. I admire those who can articulate well. In a world of hashtags, abbreviations and slang, it is a great thing to be able to string more than two words together that make sense. So many of my son’s friends can barely speak correctly, let alone write a sentence. Writing almost seems a lost art; but I hold on to hope.
Anyway, I digress. This beautiful person’s words so touch my heart and when I compliment, it doesn’t seem to mean as much to him as it does to me. SMH.
Since injuring my arm/shoulder last week and having the MRI today, I have been a bit sad. Things don’t seem to be going the way I want them to and I’m not letting God have control and believe me, He’s let me know it, too. He sent me a scripture about it, too, just to make sure I was paying attention. Can’t get more specific than “Beautiful things will happen when God says it’s time.” Oh and I received this as my message from God that day, too: “Trying to force life to unfold faster than it is mean to is futile. Call forth your patience and let it move at its own pace.”
Anyway, I saw this injury as a setback and began to get really upset. I made it into a major deal, even though I just had the MRI today and have no idea the extent of the injury at this point. I’ve imagined the worse, made it a major setback and have been so upset by the whole thing. Of course, the fact that the pain was so horrible I wanted to rip the arm off and beat someone with it is beside the point. I couldn’t even handle pain anymore. Too much after too long suffering uncontrollable pain as well as not being able to take anything to dull the pain was just too much for me to cope with and I had a mini freak out.
The pain is manageable today and that is a plus. I began reflecting on my life. Where I am, where I am going, where I want to be and what God has planned and the path to get there. I am overwhelmed with it all. I had to step back, let go of control and let God do the work. It is not easy.
I have this great hope in God and His plan for my life. I want it yesterday. I get overwhelmed by it all. I sometimes wish He never let me know the plan. LOL! However, that would not be teaching me the patience He so wants me to learn.
I so wish I could sit down and discuss it with Him in a way that He’d explain it all; but I know that won’t happen. It’s just not God’s way. So I, like so many other believers, have to wait and see as this plays out, one day at a time. I am struggling. Not that I have doubts in Him. I have doubts in me. I have doubts in the plan of how. I have doubts in the other person coming around.
I’m doing so much praying these days. I just hope that I will grow closer to Him and him. I guess only time will tell.