It’s been over a year now since God gave me a vision of my future. It’s been a long, hard year for me. BUT, I persist. So many times I’ve struggled and wanted to quit and so many times, I’ve come back in faith that what He showed me is meant to be.
Faith in God is not easy. It is a balancing act on a tight rope, strung between two trees over a canyon. I’d be lying if I said otherwise. I believe wholeheartedly in my Lord and Savior that this vision will come to pass. And yet…….
I struggle! Yup. The enemy will whisper in my ear that I’m not good enough. He starts that whole, “Did God REALLY give you that vision or were you daydreaming?” Slowly, doubt creeps in and I have a meltdown of godly proportions.
However, the enemy fails, EVERY TIME! That he does. You see, when I’m in doubt, I pray! I pray long and hard. I pray out my heartache. I pray for my brokenhearted desire to know that what God has told me is true. I ask for proof. I ask for a sign. I ask when. I ask how. I ask where. And HE answers me!!! EVERY TIME!!!
I got to asking so many times if God was sure it was going to be this particular person in my life that everywhere I turned, his name was there. I spent a month seeing this man’s name everywhere I read, saw, watched, and heard. I couldn’t not see his name. Multiple times a day, when I least expected it. As a matter of fact, God stuck me between two boys on a school band competition trip that had this man’s name and I interacted with them all day long. LOL!
I asked how. God sent me a dream that showed me “how”. I stumble in my walk and He lifts me up, dusts me off, and sets me right back on the path again. I prayed a prayer for His will and I received instruction the next day, along with my intendeds name. God is good!!!
At present, I’m working on getting closer to the Holy Spirit. He dwells within me, so I need to be more attentive to His needs and desires. I need to hear His voice clearer so that I do not grieve Him in anyway. I want to be a better me so that He is glorified by me.
I know that without God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit, I’d have nothing. I’d be nothing. I can’t live without them. I can’t. Great is the one living inside of me than he who is living in the world. 1 John 4:4
My Savior thinks I’m to die for, so how can I be less than that for Him?
I recently took a “Gifts of the Spirit” test on Lifeway. The test is designed to tell you what gifts you have received from the Spirit. My gifts are Faith, Mercy and Giving. Faith and Mercy scored equally on the test, followed by Giving just two points lower. None of the other gifts scored as high. When I read what each one is all about, I see this as how I’ve lived my life. It makes sense and I only regret not knowing all of this sooner.
When I think of the time I put God on the shelf and lived for me, I see so much waste and loss. And yet, God did bless me during this time as well and I couldn’t see it for the blinders I was wearing.
I recently spoke with my intended on Messenger. By the end of our conversation, he told me I was special to him otherwise he’d never have looked for and found me. He considers me a dear friend. I am so touched by his words. He also told me that he has improved in his overall well being and is getting closer to being wiser from his journey and in a better state of mind as he was before he was “broken”.
Ah, brokenness. How we that suffer PTSD know that word well. I must say, we never truly become unbroken, we just learn to live with it in a better way. I’m so happy for him. His journey has been long and hard, as I know mine has been; but what we are now is such a different individual that I believe we had to go through the storm in order to be stronger, wiser and more understanding.
I look forward to where this journey is taking me and how beautiful it will be. ❤