Graduation, Schools and Guns

My weekend started Friday morning with Graduation rehearsal for the boy.  Once that was over, I took the girls out for lunch and a movie to celebrate one of their birthdays.  We saw Deadpool 2 and had a great Italian meal.  I then headed home to get my son and take him to dinner with his grandparents.

Once home, I prepared for the morning and headed to bed.  We had the first scheduled Graduation of the day over at the college stadium, which began at 10 am; but arrival was 9 am.  We got up and out to make it to the 9 am arrival time.  My son looked so handsome in his cap & gown and the service was actually pretty smooth and timely.

After the ceremony, photos with friends and family, we headed out to eat at a local place for lunch with “the birthday girl” and her family to celebrate both of their achievements.  Her father paid for it all their 6 and we were a group of 6, 12 people. WOW! He told me that he was more than happy to pay it for all I have done for his daughter.  I was so deeply touched by this beautiful gesture.  I am truly blessed.

We spent the afternoon with my parents and after they left, we were both sacked, so I went to bed and the boy to his room to do whatever.  My son let me know before I went to bed that he was having about 10 friends over the next day. UGH!

Sunday morning was a rush to the store for provision and a cake.  I’ve been so busy this weekend with things, that today was the first day I heard of the terrible events in Texas on Friday.  My heart is saddened and I am so sorry for the loss and heartbreak these families are suffering.

I know that I have previously written about schools and guns.  I know I have shared my point of view.

I believe that if we enforce the laws we have, things like this could be harder to happen.  I also think that David Hogg, who calls himself a survivor of the Parkland, FL shooting in February, is in serious need of some mental health treatment.  I think this NOT because he was there; but because he calls himself a survivor, even though he was at home during the attack.  In my mind, that is like saying my dog is a rape survivor because no one has ever raped her.

Remember, the above statements are ONLY my opinion and I’m not at the nearest media outlets spouting outrage and propaganda.  I don’t have twitter and I hardly post anything on my facebook page; but scripture references and family/friend photos.

With all that being said, the fact that Mr. Hogg is tweeting propaganda, lies and making up statistics is shameful.  People believe his lies and shameful, insulting accusations of our political leaders.  A bill doesn’t become law over night, despite what Mr. Hogg may think.  The system is flawed, only because the laws on the books are not properly enforced.  It’s easy to blame others for our failings.  It’s easy to point fingers.  What isn’t easy is taking responsibility for our own failings.

Unarming the public is not the solution.   I shared previously about the unarming of citizens overseas and how they are now being prosecuted for their facebook posts.  When one of our freedoms is taken and nullified, the rest are sure to follow.

This is a mental health issue.  The shame and stigma of mental health issues is pathetic and if we’d stop shaming kids who have these problems or putting them on drugs in elementary school, we might raise a better generation of children; but what do I know?  I’m only a mom, a blogger, a disabled veteran and a woman.

What I see, though, is my sons friends parents who are uninvolved it their kids lives due to overworking, no interest or just don’t give a crap.  I see kids so starved for love that they call me mom, run and hug me whenever I am near and genuinely love me; because I care about what they are involved in.  I care about what they’re doing outside of the band room and ask.  I care about their days.  I listen.  Sometimes I give advice, sometimes a shoulder to cry on.  Most of all, I give them my time.  And, I genuinely love them.

My opinion is just that.  I don’t have the solutions.  I don’t know how to help these lost souls.  I wish I did.  I can only pray that something is done to fix this and that no more lives are lost.

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Sons & Daughters

Have you ever read a book, listened to a speaker or got to know someone and were blown away by them?  Back in December, shortly before Christmas, I was on YouTube and watched a video.  It was a “Sid Roth:  It’s Supernatural” episode featuring a man named John Bevere.

I watched a 30 minute video in which Mr. Roth interviewed John Bevere about the Holy Spirit.  It was a great video and as I had recently finished the book, “Forgotten God” by Francis Chan, I was very interested.  I searched John’s name and came upon his  website: Messenger International. At this site, I found a few books that caught my interest and ordered 3 of them.

John’s book, “The Holy Spirit” was one of them.  What a great book.  I devoured it and filled a notebook with notes.  I also ordered “Girls With Swords” by his wife, Lisa Bevere.  As I began reading the book, I looked her up on YouTube.  I cannot tell you how many of her videos I have watched.  This dynamic woman and her husband are wonderful people.  What an incredible couple in ministry to our Lord. WOW!

But it gets better!!!  They have four adult sons who work in the ministry field as well.  They are Addison, Austin, Alec and Arden.  They have a new site ministry they have recently debuted that is as powerful as their parents.  Sons & Daughters ministers to those in their twenties to forties (IMO) but even though I am approaching 50 this year, I found it to be just as helpful to me as well.  I’m following them in Instagram as well.  (Though my son’s friends laugh; because almost all of those I follow are Pomeranians.)  LOL!

Yesterday’s video was by their son, Austin, about depression.  It really hit home as I have suffered PTSD and depression for over 25 years.  It is so helpful to know that others who are Christians, also suffer.  It’s also great to know that our Heavenly Father loves us so much that He will help us in our time of need.  Austin shared encouraging scripture, his own journey and offered encouragement for those who also suffer.

I have to say that this family has so impacted my life over the last few months and I believe that God put them in my life for a reason.  He wants me to grow in faith and has shown me a family who’s faith is empowering to those who get to know them.

Shortly before Christmas, I found out that the plan God had for me was no where near possible at this time.  I was devastated.  I wanted to crawl into a ball and die.  I was angry and upset.  I railed at God for the deception.  Then, as days went by, I humbled myself to Him and begged forgiveness.  Since that time, I have been in the word.

I know He will not forsake me.  I know He loves me.  Scripture tells me that He will provide for all my needs.  I can no more turn my back on Him than I could voluntarily stop breathing.  I love Him.  I know that whatever He has planned for my life will be far better than anything I could ever imagine.

So, for today, I will continue to walk in faith.  And if you are in need of a spiritual lift, I highly recommend their ministries to you all.

13 Reasons Why: Part 2

So, I have just spent the last 3 days watching the Netflix Series, “13 Reasons Why” based on the book by Jay Asher.  My original post can be found here.  Again, I warn you — “SPOILER ALERT!”

Based on the novel, it is a bit different in that it adds details that were not part of the book, such as the way those involved now interacted once each one received the tapes for listening.  It also involves a lawsuit involving Hannah Baker’s parents, in which they are suing the school because she was bullied.

It all starts with Clay Jenson, the 11th tape, who receives the 13 sides (7 tapes) in which Hannah Baker tells what has led her to take her own life.   In this version, Clay gets all kinds of grief from the others involved; because the young man has a conscience and a good moral code and standard.  After each tape, he confronts the antagonist with their part and causes them to all begin to question their roles in the end of this young woman’s life.

Let me tell you something.  It is not fun to be bullied.  It is not fun to be teased for being different and it’s not fun to be beaten up or raped.  Your actions have consequences.  What you do, you are accountable for and responsible for the fall out.  Life does not give you an easy way out when you have wronged another.  You may not see it right away; but eventually, it comes around.

Young men have to be crystal clear on getting a YES before having sex, because rape is a horrible thing.  Of course, a man can also be raped and the same rule applies.

The ripple effect.  When one action leads to another, bringing on another, etc. resulting in an end action that could have been prevented or maybe having a lasting effect on another.  You see, we’re all ripples and we effect the lives of all of those around us.  I have a bad day.  I run into someone and lose my temper with them, causing them to have their own ruined day and the effect moves ever onward.  OR  Someone having a bad day, runs into me and I decide to NOT allow it to ruin my day.  It can go either way.

Eg. Several years ago, my neighbor’s son parked his car on the street, and while I was backing out of the driveway, I hit the door and dented it.  I immediately contacted the neighbor of the incident.  He was upset; but understood, accidents happen. His son parked it illegally and there wasn’t enough room for me to back up; but I was still in the wrong and admitted it.  The police came and we were both faulted for the incident.  However, my neighbor’s wife was another story.  She came out, ranting and raving about it, calling me names, making me more upset about making an error in judgment.

Anyway, I digress.  The 13 episodes, based on the book, sent a powerful message and I would recommend it, if you read the books or not.  It’s a powerful story; but it makes a person think and consider their actions.  I hope that those who watch it, know that they have other options in this life.  Suicide is not an option.

Teens, especially, are vulnerable.  Hormones, emotions gone wild, not understanding or knowing how to talk about what is going on, fear, embarrassment, a multitude of reasons we adults can’t remember feeling “way back then” will assault a young mind into believing that they are unworthy, too far gone, afraid, whatever!!!  The worst thing, is being lost and alone.

BUT, You Are NOT ALONE!!!  Someone loves you. Mom, dad, best friend, cousin, aunt, uncle, etc.  Someone out there loves you.  Just reach out.  Someone will take your hand and if, for some reason, you feel you can’t, call a hotline.  There IS help out there.

http://13reasonswhy.info  has resources to assist you!

Don’t give up!  YOU MATTER!!!

Addendum:  I’ve just read several articles from parents who are totally opposed to this movie and it’s book.   Reason?  It deals with a dead girl, who killed herself and that is NOT the way to deal with this subject and teens.  Or they say that it glamourizes suicide.  WOW!!! Really?

Okay, so several year ago, a teen in our town killed herself for the same reasons given in the book.   I know kids who were friends with this girl.  Kids that were upset, knew she was bullied and did nothing to help her.  The fall out from that suicide was horrible.  What did they do?  Counselors were available for those in need; but for the most part, it was a non-issue for the school district.  Oh and an anti-bully rally was had, with miserable attendance so as to have no real effect.

With that being said, I have to wonder what is the right approach to this subject?  We discuss the issue in school.  Most kids think it’s a joke.  They make fun of those who are on their films, posters and the stories when they leave the auditorium  I’ve seen it.  I’ve heard it.  What will it take to get through to teens?  I don’t have the right answers; but I do know that sometimes it takes a book and series like this one to wake people up.

I don’t have the answers.  What I do have is a desire to save the next person who wants to do so. Sometimes it is no ones fault.  Sometimes the fault lies with persons who a no longer in the picture.

I also know that the guilt of the survivors is hard.  When my friend tried to kill himself several years ago, he was suffering from the horrors of childhood, which he’d never fully dealt with and a 20 year marriage that went down the tubes, the still births of two daughters  and his 2 lives sons telling him to screw off.  That’s a lot of baggage for someone.  He attempted, I called the police and ambulance and then I was left with the repercussions.  In his mind, he was the victim and I had no reason to feel anything.  I did, though.  I suffered.

No matter the reasons, the hurt is long lasting.  We need to face this issue head on.  It happens.  It hurts all involved.  We need to wake up and IMO, this series/book does not glamorize suicide, it shows the fall out and how it leaves the people behind feeling.  We have to stop sheltering our kids; because we’re raising generations of people who are weaker and less able to handle everyday stress, let alone major crisis.

Wake up!

 

Movies, Madness & Mayhem

So happy that it’s fast approaching the new year.  I can only hope that life will keep getting better and better.

Went to see “Greatest Showman” last night with my son and a few of his friends.  Loved it, even though it is not even close to being a biographical story on P.T. Barnum’s life, it was, however; a great movie.  The music, singing and dancing were excellent.  I’d go see it a 2nd time for sure.  From beautiful clothes and scenery to the great acting, it was a beautiful movie.  It definitely was inspirational in that it encourages us to chase our dreams, no matter what anyone else thinks or feels.

As for the Lord and me, we’ve been trying to communicate to no avail.  I’ve been praying, asking and seeking; but I’m getting confusing replies and I’m sure that it will become clearer to me as time goes on; but at present, I’m hitting a few walls.  I’ve had two dreams on point, though they confused me greatly, I’ve received several picture clues as well; but I think I’m blocking them.  I’ve received several “MY plan, MY will, MY way” scriptures and I’m just hoping that I’ll figure it all out in time.  I think my upset from last week has me shut down on some levels and I have to let that go and continue on.  My heart is hurting; but I will carry on with the faith walk.

As for they mayhem, well, the dog is driving me nuts.  His bladder control problems are wrecking havoc all over the house and I just want to scream.  I know it’s not his fault; but it is messy and driving me nuts just the same.  I mop the floors daily.  As soon as I finish, I’m positive he waits until just then and he does it again.  UGH!

I’ve just finished John Bevere’s book, “Holy Spirit”.  Awesome book.  Loved it.  Can’t wait to start my next one, “Girls with a Sword” by his wife, Lisa Bevere.  I’ve listened to both of them speak on YouTube and am very impressed with their teachings on God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit.  I’m trying to grow closer to God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit in my faith walk.  I can only hope to get to the level these two people have reached.

I am currently sharing the job of Audio-Visual duties with another at my church.  Since we no longer have any children for “Kids Church”  I’m not teaching.  We have only 3 youth, who go to AWANA at another church on Wednesday night, so I don’t have duties for them, so I’ve been at a loss.  My dear friend has been doing the AV for years and I had the opportunity to do it for her a few weeks ago since she was unavailable.  Well, I so enjoyed it, I told her I’d love to join her in this duty.  She was overjoyed and I now feel I have renewed purpose in my church life.  So, we’re switching out weeks as needed.  When I have Indoor Drumline duty the end of January and twice in March, she’ll take it and other than that, we’ll have every other week.

I love to serve.  I like to feel useful and I know that this will be the best thing for me after the boy goes off to college.  YEAH!

Can’t wait to see what 2018 has in store for us all!

Unconditional Love

I love my son’s friends.  In his 18 years of life, he’s only had one “temporary” friend whom I did not like; because he was nothing but trouble.  His mother, unfortunately, encouraged it and I put an end to it.

I digress.

Yesterday, my son & 2 friends went to DQ with me.  We all sat together and talked for an hour about all they were going through as Seniors this year.  College essays, applications, dreams, goals and how to achieve them.  The one friend has completed all her applications and is in “wait” mode.  My son filled out two applications to his school of choice and the third friend is in the process of applying to several places.  She is stressed to the max.  Her mom is riding her butt to get it done.

As we sat and spoke of all these things, I couldn’t help but think back on all the times the four of us have gone to movies, to eat, did projects together and enjoyed each others company.  So many conversations between the four of us; but not just that.  They’ve been to my home, they’ve asked me for advice, they tell me they love me and they genuinely care about me as well as Ian.

I’m on all of their phones and have told them I would come get them, no matter the time or place, if they call.  No questions asked at that time; but we would discuss it later.  Hasn’t happened (yet) but they have the option.  I’ve always thought kids should have a “safe” place or person to talk with and try to be that person.

I’ve had kids tell me they wished I was their mom.  I’ve given hugs to those who needed it.  Been the shoulder to cry on when their heart is broken.  I’ve cheered them on and never let them feel that they weren’t the best and greatest person I’ve ever met.

I’ve celebrated victories with these friends of my sons.  I’ve celebrated birthdays with them.  I’ve offered encouragement, advice, love and correction.  I never lie to them, even if it hurts.   I’ve teased them, laughed at them and with them and my reward is more than I have ever thought possible, their love and affection.

When I was a little girl, I wanted to be a mom.  I wanted little people I could love.  At 16, I was told it was impossible.  For the next 14 years, I believed it.  Two miscarriages due to blocked fallopian tubes and only one intact after the 2nd fetus ruptured one, I never thought I’d see the day.  Then, God blessed me with my miracle and I have loved and cherished that child ever since.

Now, all these years later, I have more kids than I can count and am happier for it.  I get hugs.  I get love.  I get to watch them grow and learn and thrive.

Yesterday also marked an interesting text from a young man who is a friend’s son.  The poor kid is sick.  He’s graduated, has a job; but no insurance and was desperate to purchase his medication to get better.  He’s not allowed to go to work for the next 5 days and asked me for help.  I purchased the scripts and told him not to worry about it, just focus on getting better.  He couldn’t thank me enough.  For me, it was a no brainer.  I didn’t need to ask him about his parents involvement, doesn’t matter.  I asked him nothing, except who to call to pay the bill.  For whatever reason, I was the go to person and since I already consider this young man a son, I only needed to meet the need, not grill him.  He is an honest, smart, kind and sweet young man of integrity.  That was all I needed to know.

Last night also brought a fall.  My son’s dog, Tippy, is 12 years old.  He’s not long for this world.  He has lost bladder control and is shaky.  He has fatty tumors, a bad eye and grumpy on a lot of days due to pain of old age.  Last night, I slipped in a puddle.  I landed hard on my left hip and elbow.  My elbow has a knot on it and is bruised and scraped.  Yes, I was covered in pee.  (GROSS) and immediately took a shower.  Was not happy since I’d just done so and was wearing fresh, clean clothes for the night; but he can’t help it.  I’m debating if I need to take him to the vet for our last good–byes; but I’m not there yet and he is not suffering.  Just keep praying for him.

You see, I’ve got this problem.  I love unconditionally these kids and this dog.  I don’t see their flaws, only their potential.  I think if we had more people who encouraged and loved, despite who they are, what they are or how they look, we’d have less ugly in this world.  I pray for them and sometimes with them.  I just hope when I’m old and they are no longer in my life, that they’ll remember me for this.

Justified

I absolutely love the Apostle Paul. What a brilliant man, whom Jesus chose to be a Disciple in the 30 days after His crucifixion. Paul was a scholar, a lawyer and knew Jewish law by heart. However, he became one of the strongest follower of Christ and spreader of the new Christian religion in the first century. He’s also responsible for writing 2/3’s of the New Testament. I just love intelligence and it was something Paul loved to share with his fellow followers.

Last night’s service was on Justification. How we are all justified by the sacrifice of Jesus on the cross. How, by faith alone, we get to heaven. By Faith Alone! Romans is one of the hardest books of the bible because it is Paul explaining how the Laws of Moses are no longer a way to get to heaven; but only through the faith we give to God and Jesus.

Through the cross, Jesus shed His blood for us, paying for our sins, once and for all. Confess that Jesus is Lord, was crucified, died, and rose on the 3rd day, and you are free.  Our sins are gone. Forgiven by God, we are now righteous and justified in the eyes of the Lord. WOW!!!! We can’t get to heaven through good works, only through Jesus. Even those who try to get there by following the law will fail daily. Paul tells us that we do. Thank God for the Holy Spirit who resides within us for only His help gets me through the day.

Justified = Just as if I never sinned. To be righteous with the Lord. Make straight.

Confess that Jesus is Lord. Confess your sins to the Lord. Repent and you’re forgiven. God forgives, all we must do is ask.

Only God can help us to heal. For years, I’d held onto the past.  For years, I allowed it to keep me in anger, fear and hurt.  It was not until I came back to God that I have been able to move forward and get where I am now, forgiven and free.

I’m presently reading the book of Ezekiel in the bible.  It’s a tough one.  It presents God’s anger with the Israelites and the punishment He allowed them — 70 years captive by the Babylonians.  Only Ezekiel & Daniel were able to stay righteous in the eyes of the Lord.  Ezekiel, the prophet, who told the Israelites God’s intentions and Daniel, who stayed faithful to God in prayer and heart.

I’ve been very busy over the last few months with bible study.  I’ve done “The Daniel Prayer” by Ann Lotz, a study of Psalms by Cindy Heald, a study of Ruth by Liz Higgs and now Ezekiel.  I’m digging in deep to the word and learning my Father’s ways and words.  He is truly a wonderful Father.

School is back in session and we’re settling into the new year.  My boy is a Senior and back in band classes and Marching Band.  So proud of him.  First game is Friday and it’s away, so I’ll be a chaperone for the night.  He has a new band director, so I will be able to attend.

I had a horrible nightmare the other night and woke up screaming.  Scared my son, who came running from his room on the other side of the house.  I must have been really loud for him to have heard me with his headphones on.  YIKES!  I told him I’d rather dream of Pennywise than what I had dreamed that night.

The eclipse was nothing like I thought it would be.  Barely even darkened the sky here.  It was darker in yesterday’s thunderstorm than the eclipse.  Location, location, location. LOL!

I think our oldest dog, who is 12, is getting ready to cross the rainbow bridge.  He’s lost some bladder control and sleeps more hours than is awake.  He’s not in pain; just slowing down.  We shall see.

Still awaiting God’s perfect timing and have been really calm and patient lately.  I’m surprised by how calm I have been.  I can work myself up into a tizzy when I want to; but haven’t even given it much effort lately. Ha, ha.

Life is good. ❤

 

13 Reasons Why

So, I just finished reading the book 13 Reasons Why by Jay Asher. Not bad for a teen novel about such a sad subject.

SPOILERS!!!!  If you don’t want them, don’t continue this post.

So, the book is about a girl who committed suicide and leaves 13 stories as to what led her to do so.  Everything from rumors, lies, rape, drinking and betrayal enter into the mix.  Her first kiss becomes a rumor of lies that’s she’s a bad girl.  Reputation in ruins and humiliation.  Shame on you, Justin.  Alex made a survey that stated the poor gal had a great ass, which led to another student groping her ass, as if he had a right to touch her without her permission to begin with.  Jessica and her were friends of a sort and became enemies with a fight included.  Tyler was a peeper, with a camera to boot and there is nothing even remotely cool about a stalker!!  Courtney, butter wouldn’t melt in this girls mouth and even though she approaches you with the guise of friendship, she’s a liar and user, even if she’s so kind and sweet.  Ah, Marcus, a guy who thought it was okay to grope a girl, in public, and got so upset when she pushed him away and he fell on the floor.  Didn’t find it funny, Marcus?  Aw…poor baby.  Zach, Zach, Zach….when all a girl needed was a bit of encouragement in a time of crisis, you stole it from her and let the darkness descend even further over her soul.  And the fact that you KNEW, well, that’s rich.  Ryan, the poet, the writer, the guy who stole her poem, letting the world know of her sadness – anonymously.  Then there is Clay.  Ah, Clay.  They all stole her from you, didn’t they?  The only innocent one of the 13.  All you tried to do is date your crush and she was so far gone by the time you kissed her, you wound up losing it all.  Justin came back on the scene the night of Clay’s kiss and allowed Bryce to rape Courtney at a party, while she was passed out cold.  Hey, bro’s before ho’s, right Justin?  PIGS!  Oh, Jenny, who offered her a ride home only to plow into a stop sign knocking it down.  Who knew that not 15 minutes later, someone would die because of your hit and run?  And finally, Mr. Porter, Guidance Counselor of the Year!  Your sad, broken, suicidal student comes to you in pain and in need of help and you tell her to basically get over it and move one, so she does.  She swallows the pills, she ends her life, she moves on, just like you told her to do.

Signs were everywhere.  Changing her look.  Giving away her possessions.  Withdrawing from friends.  So many signs and so little attention given to her as she spiraled out of control.

In this world, there are a million things that are going to go wrong every day!  EVERY DAY!  It is always darkest before the dawn.  Believe me, I know what that is like.  I know what it is like to want to end your suffering.  But for me, THIS IS NOT AN OPTION!

There is nothing so devastating that ending your life is the answer.  Suicide leaves behind loved ones who have to live with the guilt.  It leaves behind unanswered questions.  It leaves behind a world that is not better because you are gone.  Life is not easy.  Struggle is in everything.  You cannot allow another person to take your joy, your happiness.  Find someone, anyone who will listen to you.  If one person doesn’t find another.  Don’t ever give up!

For the last 25 years, I’ve suffered from Trigeminal Neuralgia, a.k.a. “The Suicide Disease”.  It is listed in medical books as the most painful disease in the world.  I’m still here, still fighting.  I have PTSD with depression and days so black I want to close my eyes forever.  I don’t.  I have been beaten by and cheated on by the man I thought was my everything.  I’m still here.  I have buried my best friend after a long bought with liver disease.  I’m still here.  My parents should NEVER have had children due to their hate filled existences; but I am still here.  I have been raped.  I have been molested.  I have watched my world crumble too many times to count and I AM STILL HERE!

I beg of you, please, don’t let someone else dull your sparkle.  Don’t let this world beat you.  YOU ARE SPECIAL.  YOU ARE LOVED.

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 

Provides help to those in suicidal crisis or emotional distress.

Call 1-800-273-8255
Available 24 hours everyday

Musings and such.

Happy Independence Day, America!!!

Ever since my vacation up north, I’ve been sick or suffered with migraines.  Finally got rid of the bronchitis and now it’s just migraine central. UGH!  Let’s just say, the rainy season aka Florida summer is here in full force.  Let the suffering begin.  Ha, ha.

I recently read the book, “God, Where is my Boaz” by Stephan Labossiere.  It was short and sweet and to the point.  The author, who really got me thinking, told how God works in our lives, even when we are waiting on His plan for us.  The author gave tips on what to do in the waiting time; but also how to effectively pray to God so that we can get answers and not just “assume” that the next man we meet is going to be “the one.”

So, I prayed to God that night, after finishing the book.  Using a prayer to discover God’s Will for my life and if said man, whom I’ve known by name since November was HIM (again — as we know I have done numerous times over the last 8 mths) and received not only his NAME in my daily devotional; but also that I needed to dig in deeper to the word of God to get my “Boaz”.  Talk about a break through!!!!  YEAH!

Now, I pray daily so many times, but I never prayed for God’s Will before.  I prayed for discernment, for proof of the man, for peace, for a time table; but not for God’s Will.  Finally, I’m making progress.  LOL!

I want to get so much closer to God and receive my blessing from Him.  However, I also want to stay close to the Lord for the rest of my life.  I know He has picked a wonderful man for me and I only have to wait on His perfect timing in order to get to the plan.  I am committed to God and His will for my life.  I hope I don’t disappoint Him.

One of the other things Mr. Labossiere stated in his book was that a woman should prepare herself to be with her “Boaz” and I must confess that I’ve been doing that as well.  We need to forgive ourselves as well as those who hurt us in the past.  I’ve done this already.  However, fearing I will repeat mistakes or hurt this man, I’ve also been preparing to be a “Godly Wife” to my “Boaz”.

I’m not sure of the reality of it; but I’ve restructured my way of thinking when it comes to how to handle conflict, struggles, living with someone again and other things that will be challenging to a married couple.  I have one more school year with my son before college and he has all adult children.  Distance is an issue in the beginning.  However, if it is God Sanctioned, there will be a way.  I have faith.  I trust God and I look forward to the Love Story he is writing for us. ❤

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That still, small voice…

Today is the anniversary of the Crucifixion of Jesus Christ, my Lord & Savior.  On this day, God gave His Son to save the world.  ME!   I am awed and honored by this sacrifice, for a sinner like me.

I’m currently doing a personal bible study on Max Lucado’s book, “He Still Moves Stones” and it is wonderful.  God still uses the same book to teach us things that are applicable to us today, The Bible.  The bible is the LIVING word of God.  What was once applied to our world 2,000 plus years ago, is still applied today.  I find my strength in reading God’s word.

For me, I am deep in the word today, looking for answers to today’s situations and I have been finding them.  In Max’s book, he pointed out that even Jesus’ family disrespected Him in his own home town and He left them behind.  Much like I have left my sisters and father behind due to their dislike of me.  WOW!

Prayer was today’s chapter and I must say that I’ve been praying A LOT lately.  I’ve always prayed at the drop of a dime.  If someone is in need, I pray right then for them.  I’ve never been one to shy away from asking my Father to help those in need.  However, I also love to converse with Him.  I tell Him everything.  I have regular conversations with him everyday.

I remember being in a bible study several years ago and our teacher mentioned that she knew a woman years ago who prayed to God to find her keys.  My teacher thought that was a bit silly. She asked the woman why she did that and her response was, “If He can help me find my keys, imagine what He can do for my big needs.”  And from that day forward, I’ve told Him EVERYTHING!

I’ve asked God to help me lay hands on papers I’ve mislaid and found.  I’ve asked God to help me to calm down when I was upset or heard bad news and He has.  Over & over God has answered prayer after prayer for me.  I am so faithful to Him and I believe wholeheartedly that He will see to my needs.  That is why I am waiting on Him to fulfill His promise to me about His plan for my life.  I’m so excited to see it come to fruition and I know there is a lesson in the waiting.  Of course, for me it is to practice patience, my biggest weakness.

When I am in doubt, being beaten up by the enemy, I pray to Him for strength or clarity or whatever it is that I am in need of at that point.  He delivers.  I prayed for clarity on the “who” and he sent me four signs in one morning that it was, indeed, him.  I prayed for it “NOW” and He sent me several scriptures on His perfect timing.  He even made my next morning Daily Devotional on waiting for His perfect timing.  I’ve had doubts it truly is “him” and for Valentine’s day, I had a Hello Kitty valentine show up in my FB feed where Kitty was sending one to “his name”.  It’s been 5 months since promise and I have struggled.  Each time I battle my depression, I am feeling a lot of pain, I am missing this person, I stumble; but I always get up.

Two days ago, I asked for clarity, again, and the cartoon character with his name popped up.  When I told God I completely give up on this person, I turn on the television in the morning and the first thing they say is HIS NAME parkway is shut down.  FIRST THING!!!  All I can say is, it’s HARD to wait when your patience is near non-existent.  LOL!

Of course, it doesn’t help that this man is driving me nuts with his denial.  I think he is not afraid of the future; but afraid that the past will repeat itself and cause him pain.  I have seen what has happened to him and I grieve for his loss.  I have cried gallons of tears for him and mourn over his loss.  I pray for him.  I pray for his healing and strength and family and that if he is not for me, that God will banish him from my heart and mind.  So far, God hasn’t done so and keeps him in my focus. 😀

In the last year, I have grown so much spiritually.  I am so happy with my relationship with God.  I am glad that I can go to Him for everything and anything.  My faith is strong.  My love for Him is eternal.  My belief in His plan for me is solid.

So, on this anniversary of the greatest sacrifice the world has ever seen, I praise my Lord and Savior for who He is, what He has done for me and where I am in His world.

He is Risen! ❤

The Shack

If you want to see an extraordinary movie, I highly recommend “The Shack”.  You will laugh, you will cry and you will experience a miracle as long as your heart is open.

As someone who has suffered incredible pain in my life from so many sources, I definitely felt healing was the main purpose of this incredible movie.  On the way home, I stopped and bought the soundtrack and the book to read.  (Yes, I am nuts, but I’m okay with that.)

Sometimes when this life has dealt us too much pain to bear and we let it surround us and encompass us, we lose our hope.  We blame ourselves, we blame others and we blame God.  However, this movie introduces us to God, Jesus & the Holy Spirit and lets us see through their eyes.  Oh, the power of this movie is tremendous.

I spent time praying for another’s hurts while watching this movie.  I couldn’t NOT pray.  This movie has moved me beyond mere words.  To say it is powerful is an understatement.  Since seeing the previews, I have been drawn to this movie.  I am so grateful I went to see it.

I also had the pleasure of sharing the experience with two great women friends.  Each woman felt the same way.  Anastasia had previously read the book and mentioned that it was one of the few movies she’s seen that actually does the book justice.

My girlfriends and I enjoyed a wonderful Italian meal afterwards and great conversations as well.  I cannot imagine a better end to a great day than a movie and meal with friends.

My heart wants me to share the movie with the man whom God is preparing me for; but I don’t know how to broach the subject with him at present, so I am sure that God will reveal the way.

I love the Lord.  I rejoice in being saved by Jesus and I so hope that by sharing with others that they will come to know God through me.