Freedom

Tonight I went downtown to “Bike Night” and saw Lita Ford in concert.  Had a fabulous time and as I was driving home, it occurred to me that in the last year, I have truly enjoyed the freedom of not having to ask someone’s permission to do things and have them say no or to say yes and then upon the day’s arrival, force me to cancel my plans, leaving me disappointed.

I can hardly believe it took me a year to realize I am finally free!  I’m free of controlling men.  I can come and go as I please.  After spending the last 22 years with 2 different men who controlled my every move, I am free to do as I please, when I please, with whomever I please.

WOW!  I am amazed.  After all this time, I’ve finally realized that I owe nothing to anyone.

I always believed that a couple should share everything and respect each other and love each other and treasure each other.  In relationships where one partner is completely controlling of the other, you don’t get these same freedoms, love or respect.  You become a virtual slave to the other person and their needs are all that is important.  Even though I’ve completed some intense therapy, I have only just now realized the extent to which I was controlled.  I am so grateful that I am no longer in such situations.  YEAH!!

Knowing that God is bringing me my next relationship and it will be blessed by Him, I have no fear that I will have to worry about that again.  God is directing me toward His plan for my life and I have to say that it is greatly anticipated and looked forward to.

I’m keeping busy while I wait for this plan.  I’ve been crocheting blankets for Boggy Creek Summer Camp, which children with brain tumors and cancer attend yearly.  This camp gives each camper a blanket and teddy bear to keep.  So far, I’ve made two and am working on the 3rd.  I also am working on two other blankets for friends having babies in December & January.

I’m busy with my son’s Senior year of HS as well.  He got his Sr. portraits taken and the cost about floored me!!!  YIKES!!!  I didn’t really like them, either.  He has about 3 weeks left of Marching Band and the time seems to be just sailing by.  He’s working on his college audition videos with several boys from band and is making progress.  So proud of him.

I’ve lost 19 lbs in the last month and am happy with my progress.  I’m steadily getting my life in order.  I’ve got to downsize more and I am waiting until it is a bit cooler to start again.  UGH!  It’s still so incredibly hot.

I miss living up north sometimes.  I miss the leaves changing, the crisp smell of autumn air and the crunch of leaves under foot.   I miss hiking in the woods or up the mountains.  <sigh>

My grandfather passed away this week.  It’s been 18 years since my grandmothers passed, within one week of each other, while I was pregnant with my son.  My grandfather suffered with dementia for the last few years and it is truly a blessing that he has gone home to our Lord.  I know my NC family is grieving his loss.  It hurts that I will no longer get to see him; but I will one day, when I leave this world.  He will be greatly missed. ❤

Most of the missed hurricane days from school are going to be made up before the new year, with only a few days after the new year comes to finish it up.  My son will be graduating on May 19th at 10 am and my parents told me that they’re planning a cruise right after with my cousin, who’s twins will be graduating on the 17th of May, so we may tag along if the price is right.

My world is finally settling into a new normal.  I’m learning to be me again.  I’m who I am again.  Living my life, raising my son, taking care of my pups and loving the new freedom I’ve regained.

Life is good. ❤

 

Advertisements

Not My America

It’s a sad day here in the USA.  It seems that the whole country has gone mad.  It is no longer “My America” any longer.

My America is beautiful.  We’re diverse, we’re proud, we’re free and we’re grateful to those who paved the way.  My America is color blind, kind and gives a helping hand.  My America salutes the flag, kneels before God and stands proud to claim to be American.

Growing up in America, I was raised in a small town in New York with only one traffic light, best friends who were black, Puerto Rican and Jewish, went to church on Sunday at our local Catholic church and even attended more than one Saturday evening in the Synagogue, worshiping with my best friend, Heather.

In the summer, we all swam in the lake and winters skating on that same lake.  We had numerous sleep overs, hikes up the mountain and overnight camping trips to various locations with the folks.  I’ve marched in many a Veteran’s and Memorial Day parades as a girl scout and attended more than one function at the local American Legion Post and our Elks Lodge.

I respected my elders and God forbid I gave them sass, because my Mom and Dad would find out and I’d be in deep waters.    I volunteered to help others.  I made regular visits to my grandparents and celebrated holidays like Christmas and Easter in school!  It did not matter that my best friends were white, black and of Indian descent, all that mattered to us was that we liked each other and had the same interests.

We were poor and I never even knew it.  We were on the Government Cheese program where the government brought the dairy surplus from farmers and gave it to those in need.  We got it monthly and even cut the mold off it to eat it when we had it for so long that it began to go bad.  I wore hand-me-downs from my cousins and most of them were male.  LOL!

I was bullied.  I was beaten up by both girls and boys.  I worked it out.  I liked everyone; but not everyone liked me.  My parents didn’t fight my battles, they made me do it myself.  They didn’t involve themselves in kid fight; because kids make up and parents are still angry and it’s over kid stuff.

We celebrated our differences; but we also joined together in our solidarity as Americans.  It is the old school, hometown values that made this country great.

Big Jim and Tiny were the local gay couple we all knew were gay and that you could call on them for help if you needed it.  They also had a cool steam engine in their front yard, which was so cool.  A good friend of the family, a man named Niles, was Jamaican and the darkest skinned man I ever knew and we called him “Uncle” because he was like an uncle to us kids.  We knew to be home by the time the street lights came on and we were hardly ever at home; but out playing and enjoying the fresh air.

If a person wore a uniform, they were an authority figure and we had better behave or we’d be in trouble.  We knew most of the town police and firemen.  They knew who we were, too.  We could walk or ride our bikes anywhere.  We were safe.  We were home.

It’s why I, myself, put on the uniform and served this great nation.  To protect and serve.  To honor what those who came before me had already established so that my children could enjoy the same rights as I did.  And yet, here I am, raising my son in a country I don’t even recognize.  I also have to state that in Sept & Oct 2016, I received a flag for two fallen Marines, both of which served Honorably and passed.

People are killing people for being different.  People are disrespectful to each other.  People are rude and self – centered, self – obsessed, and selfish.  People move to this country and think we need to change to fit into a mold of the country they left.  If it is so important to you to have your customs, why did you leave?  Why should I have to adopt your customs and values?

When I was stationed overseas, I had to adapt to their local customs and ways.  I didn’t go their expecting them to change their laws and customs to accommodate me.  I was expected to follow their ways.  As a matter of fact, everyone who does go to a foreign country in the military, has to go through a weeks worth of orientation before going to their commands so that no one can say they were unaware of local laws, customs and traditions.  Ignorance of the law is no excuse.

With all that has changed in the last 15 years or so, I’m not sure that we’re going to be able to bring this country back to it’s former glory.  It’s a shame.  Yes,  there are problems; but violence doesn’t help.  Protesting doesn’t help.  Treating people with disrespect doesn’t help.  We have to work together in order to work it out.

What I do know is all of this discord is tearing our nation apart.  I’m saddened and wanted so much more for my son.  I’m hurting for our children.  I’m hurting for the country I so love.  I’m hurting for those who are hurting.  I just want my country back.

I’m a Pittsburgh Steelers fan.  Today, not so much.  I was disappointed in the fact that they refrained from even entering the field for the National Anthem.  These men are paid to perform.  They are not a political organization.  They are overpriced showman.  It’s the same with actors/actresses.  They’re paid performers.  They make more than the average American does to entertain us.  Why are we giving them the power to do this?  We need to cut them off.

 

 

 

Last week of school!

So happy this is the last week of school.  My son is doing great.  Honor Roll student for the last 3 years and I couldn’t be prouder.  This weekend, the Juniors decorated crowns to wear today for school as the incoming Seniors for 2017-18.  I had three kids here doing it and they came out great.  Each one reflected the person greatly.  Such fun for them.

This has to be a Southern thing; because I’d never heard of it growing up.  It’s cute and they had a blast today.  They’re all looking forward to summer break.  I am, too!  For the first time in over 20 years, I’m going to see a friend.  I so can’t wait.  We’ll be leaving home on the 3rd and spending a couple of weeks up  north.

The drive will be horrible, I’m sure; but we’ll get there. 😀 It’s 17 hours; but I can do it.   Just take lots of breaks and take our time.  Two days should get us there.  He’s as excited to see me as I am to see him.  I’ll be staying with him & his wife and his daughter lives close by.  It’s going to be awesome.  Already have my dog sitter locked on and she comes to stay here while we’re gone.

I’m so hoping and praying that the trip will be great and that I will not feel crappy while I am gone.  Hopefully God will take care of me while I am traveling. 😀

I’ve been doing a lot of journaling, bible study and praying.  Just trying to keep busy for while I await the trip.  Not doing much else these days.

God Is Good!

I began reading Max Lucado’s new book, “He Still Moves Stones” and I’m on chapter 4 last night and right there, in black and white, it shows me that even Jesus had trouble with his family.  WOW!  Max let me know that it is okay that I have walked away from my sisters and father due to the way they treat me.  That Jesus left His family and it wasn’t until His death that His family sang His praises.  (No I don’t want them to sing my praises when I’m dead)  It is just good to know that I’m in good company with the family thing.  😀

This past weekend, I took my son and his friend to Daytona to watch the FFCC Championship.  Last year, our High School won 1st Place.  This year, the lazy band director wouldn’t do Indoor Drumline, much to the kids disappointment.

Daytona was beautiful.  The weather excellent.  The hotel sucked!  They never cleaned our room on Saturday while we were gone all day.  Not happy.  No clean towels and when I went to the front desk, no one was there; but a sign that says “we’re full”.

The competition was great.  Very much so for us.  The boys hung out with friends from another school and just had a stress free weekend.  My son got sunburn on the top of his feet.  He missed school yesterday since he couldn’t wear shoes.  SMH.  Walked the beach.  Went to the fishing pier.  Saw dolphins and black tip sharks in the water.  I got a little sun; but I know better than to over expose myself due to the Lupus.  I bought a nice purple ball cap that I just love and almost bought a turtle; but worried he wouldn’t make it home alive.

I went to Bubba Gump for an early dinner/late lunch before going over to the arena and I must say it was delish!  The waiter was great, the whole staff, actually.  I had the Calamari and a shrimp po’boy along with 2 Georgia Peach tea’s that gave me a slight buzz; but wore off very quickly.  LOL!

Started PT yesterday.  Not too bad, so far.  I had to wear a pain pump patch for 3 hours afterwards which is a type of cortisone.  At least I’m not allergic to it. Ha, ha.

 

 

The Shack

If you want to see an extraordinary movie, I highly recommend “The Shack”.  You will laugh, you will cry and you will experience a miracle as long as your heart is open.

As someone who has suffered incredible pain in my life from so many sources, I definitely felt healing was the main purpose of this incredible movie.  On the way home, I stopped and bought the soundtrack and the book to read.  (Yes, I am nuts, but I’m okay with that.)

Sometimes when this life has dealt us too much pain to bear and we let it surround us and encompass us, we lose our hope.  We blame ourselves, we blame others and we blame God.  However, this movie introduces us to God, Jesus & the Holy Spirit and lets us see through their eyes.  Oh, the power of this movie is tremendous.

I spent time praying for another’s hurts while watching this movie.  I couldn’t NOT pray.  This movie has moved me beyond mere words.  To say it is powerful is an understatement.  Since seeing the previews, I have been drawn to this movie.  I am so grateful I went to see it.

I also had the pleasure of sharing the experience with two great women friends.  Each woman felt the same way.  Anastasia had previously read the book and mentioned that it was one of the few movies she’s seen that actually does the book justice.

My girlfriends and I enjoyed a wonderful Italian meal afterwards and great conversations as well.  I cannot imagine a better end to a great day than a movie and meal with friends.

My heart wants me to share the movie with the man whom God is preparing me for; but I don’t know how to broach the subject with him at present, so I am sure that God will reveal the way.

I love the Lord.  I rejoice in being saved by Jesus and I so hope that by sharing with others that they will come to know God through me.

 

Merry Christmas

f8a2df2ae668efdaf1a37530fead202b

It’s been a hell of a year.  I am so glad that next week is a new year.  I’m so over this one already.  With that said, MERRY CHRISTMAS to all who follow and read this blog.  TY for taking the time to do so.

My son asked me if we can do stockings after church tomorrow night and presents on Christmas morning.  Sure, why not?  I’m really looking forward to church tomorrow night.  I’ve been so absorbed in our Pastor’s services this month.  He’s brought even greater meaning to the events of long ago and tomorrow will be the climax of the season.

Our Women’s Bible Study is on break until January 11th, so I am doing one on my own called “Anchored”.  It’s about women who have lost babies and how to deal.  I lost my two angels 23 and 21 years ago.  I put the grief on the back burner for various reasons and never fully grieved their losses.  Last January, when my 2nd would have turned 21 it hit me hard.  WOW!  When I discussed it with my friend, she told me that God protects us from the pain until we are strong enough to handle it and I guess it was finally time to deal with it.

Why it took so long, I’ll never know, however, with PTSD, things come back even years after the initial trauma, so I’m going to attribute it to this in my life.

My first baby was a shock.  Didn’t even know I was pregnant.  I found out and lost it in the same day.  My coworker and friend took me to the base clinic where I was transported by ambulance to the Naval Hospital for emergency surgery.  It was a tubal pregnancy and due to the blockage of endometrium, had no where to go; but expand the tube until it burst.  Not pleasant and extremely painful.  I guess it was a blessing in disguise; because the father, the only guy I had slept with in months, had disappeared and I later found out he was sent to a squadron and deployed.  Two weeks later, I had surgery on my jaw and my life ruined, so it was all part of the plan.  Ha, ha.

My second lasted for 10 weeks before my fallopian tube burst and I needed a D&C and exploratory surgery to find the fetus in my abdomen.  It was also a time I needed to “suck it up” because I had to comfort my mother who lost her son 28 years previous.  I can now grieve my loss without worry that I need to take care of her.

Anyway, the study has me really exploring my feelings and my gratitude to God for protecting me from the hurt for so long.  My two angels will meet me in heaven,  of that, I have no doubt.  I sometimes daydream about what it would be like to have them here with me; but that was never meant to be.

I also wonder if I would have contacted the man who fathered my first.  Would I have done it all on my own, without ever telling him?  I don’t know.  This life is so strange and I’d never want to trap a man that way.  It was not his fault.  I was not supposed to be able to get pregnant.  The fact that both were tubal just shows that the sperm was small enough to get through the blockage; but a fertilized egg could not.  Hell, when my son was born in 1999, the doctor told me after ,the C-section, that he was surprised that I became pregnant with all the shit blocking my insides.  The fact that I nearly died delivering the boy is another miracle of God’s that I am still here.

When I count my blessings, I count him twice.  My son is my miracle.  I’m so proud of the young man he has become.  I love him so very much and I can’t imagine my life without him and I wouldn’t want to, either.

The weather here, though it is warm still, has been miserable.  It’s messing with my body in a painful way.  I also have a sinus infection and couldn’t get into the doctor today, so I’m going to be suffering for the next few days until I can get into see him.

My heart longs for things that God is making me wait for.  😦  Elvis is singing “Blue Christmas” to me and I know that it is not by accident.  I keep getting signs from God that what I desire is possible; but I don’t want clues, I want the promise. LOL!  He is definitely teaching me patience.

My book is still coming along nicely.  I’m please with the results thus far.  Whether it is supposed to be a hit or not, does not matter.  What matters is that I put it down on paper and get it out of my head.

OH!!  I went to the comic book store and got the newest BW comics.  I’m thrilled.  They ordered the ones that they didn’t have and I should have them in a couple of weeks.  YEAH!  Thrilled.  Gosh, I’m so geeky. LOL!  Can’t run away from who I am, I guess.

My son and I have the next two weeks to spend together.  He wants me to take him up to the Russell Stover’s store and I guess we’ll do it one day next week.  I don’t look forward to the drive; but we’ll make it an adventure and have some fun on the way there and back.

My baby sister is spending the week with my parents.  She’s in from NY and we may have lunch with them on Monday.  We’ll see.   After a year of “low battery” message on my remote, they finally died today. Ha, ha.  Talk about eking out every drop of energy from them. 😛

I’m wishing everyone a very Merry Christmas, a Happy New Year and many blessing from God your way.

 

Goodbye’s the saddest word…..

On Saturday, September 3, 2016, @ 8:15 am, I said goodbye to my best friend.

The call came in at 6:06 am; but I slept right through it.  I’d spent the last few days going back and forth to Hospice House and taking Ian to and from CCHS for school and band.  I was just so tired; but knew I’d not sleep.

I woke up at 7:20 am to my dogs telling me to get up and let them out.  No rest for the wicked.  As it happens, I looked at the answering machine after they came inside and saw that glowing green #1 and knew.  I listened to the message and called back right away.  It was then I was told he was going fast.  I hurriedly dressed and drove there.

The nurse hung up with me and went to Leif’s room and told him to hang on, I was on the way.  I arrived at 7:50 am.  I caressed his head and held his hand.  I kissed him and sang to him.  I prayed with him and I told him it was okay to let go and be with our Heavenly Father.  I told him I loved him and I felt his hand spasm and then he was gone.  I continue to sit with him, not wanting to let go.  The nurse came in at 8:27 and I told her he was gone.  She retrieved the doctor and it was official at 8:30.

The social worker came.  She had a blue vase with gorgeous bouquet of sunflowers (my favorites) with her, a sign, I am sure, that he was telling me it was okay.  He was okay.  I shared some funny and sweet stories with the social worker, nurses and staff members.  They came in to make him “presentable” and I wandered off to the chapel to pray.

I told our Father to take care of him.  To hold him close and show him the “ropes”.  I told him I’d be there to meet him and to enjoy the time he’ll spent with his two daughters.  His life here was so hard, so unfair, so tragic; but now, he’s in heaven and has his new body and can be with those who will only show him love.

Arrangement had to be made and decisions I wasn’t ready for; but had to make.  Pastor Larry at Hope prayed with me, spoke with me and reminded me that God is my strength and my comfort.

He was so cold.

My comfort also comes from knowing Leif is finally at peace.  He is no longer hurting.  His soul is renewed in love and that one day we will meet again.  I will miss this great, big, gentle giant who loved me more than anything in the world.  I will see you again, my Cota Bear.

On Sunday, I went to make and finalize arrangements for his cremation.  I ordered his urn.  Papers signed, notifications made, tears flowed.

Leif was my hero.  My knight in tarnished armor.  The one who kept me grounded to this earth and the one who helped me soar.  He would catch me every time I fell. We fought as fiercely as we loved and laughed even harder than that.  He was my best friend, my fiercest competitor and my champion.

Cota Bear, I will miss you and love you until my dying day, when we will meet again.

10895319_510058355801628_540104733_n

Two Months

Two Months

It’s been two months since my friend entered went to the ER and nearly died. Hope Hospice has been a great assist in caring for him at home. It’s been a hard two months; but we’re making it. Officially sober since May 11th and out of the woods from withdrawal. There is hope.

End stage Liver disease is a horrible way to die. I have to sit by and watch the breakdown of a life. As he drifts off to sleep, he mumbles and his hands flail about animatedly. He has no idea. He calls out, he sometimes knocks things over.

He hallucinates all the time. Don’t get me wrong, he has times of lucidity; but he still sees things and gets confused. Sometimes I have to “poke” the images he sees to show him that he is seeing things. He was convinced a man had broken into our home. I had to fake calling the police in order to calm him down. It wasn’t until several days later that I was able to convince him it wasn’t real. Now, he’s told me, when he’s not sure if something is real, he will poke at the image or he’ll close his eyes to see if it will disappear.

He’s up and around now using his walker. He’s lost the water weight (ascites) in his legs and stomach thanks to water pills prescribed by the doctor. He has fallen several times and gotten scraped up; but we’ve gotten him off the ground without additional assistance. Walking around does, however, make his feet and legs sore. We’re hoping that he’ll start physical therapy soon to help.

His appetite has increased at times; but then he will go with only one to two bites of food. He’s taking extra fiber and MoM to help him have BMs. He is, for the most part, in good spirits. I have even been able to take him out to the eye doctor after he broke his glasses and needed a new pair.

He LOVES his CNA. She comes three times a week and gives him a bed bath, puts lotion on him and makes him feel better. He adores her. She’s a great person and I think the world of her, too. He has a nurse who comes once a week and a Social Worker every two weeks.

All things considered, he’s doing very well.

My son went to Jazz Camp at FSU in June and I had to drive him. This left us having to get someone in to stay with my patient. Thankfully, there is a lady from my church who is a retire PA who came over and stayed the two days. She then stayed two days when I went to pick my son up.

My son LOVED the camp, learned new techniques to take back to Jazz band at CCHS and made several new friends. He had a great solo at the Friday evening concert combos (4 songs) and played in two pieces on Saturday afternoon. He did a great job and I am so proud of him.

This coming weekend, we’re heading down to Hollywood Hills HS for an Indoor Drumline workshop with Stryker, a semi-professional Drumline. It’s only one day and he is so looking forward to the opportunity to sharpen his drumming skills.

This summer has been so good for him. The last week of July is band camp and I know he is looking forward to that as well. My son impresses the heck out of me. He’s so dedicated to his music and I am so proud of his dedication and skill. I love the stuffing out of that kid.

Between the two of these guys, I am have seen such incredible progress and couldn’t be prouder of them. What a great summer so far.

What’s in it?

Since April 23rd, I’ve changed my lifestyle for the better.  In January, I went in for standard blood work and food out my A1C was at 11.5.  WAY out of the normal range.  My doctor wanted to put me on insulin right away.  I wanted a chance to do it with a change in diet.  I struggled.  I couldn’t do it alone.  I was a mess.  I feared I’d have to go on insulin at the age of only 45 and I was not happy.  I lived in dread. 

My friends and I met up at the local Panera Bread for an end of school year (even though we had 6 weeks left of school to go) Bible Study celebration.  We’d been working on it since August last year, once a week, we’d meet up and share in the word of God.  It was great.  Well, one friend walked in with a copy of “The Daniel Plan” by Pastor Rick Warren.  I said, “Hey, I’m on the waiting list for that at the library.” Hers was borrowed, too and she told me she loved it and wanted to try it out.  So, we decided that for the next 6 weeks, we’d continue to meet and give it a try!

Week 4 I had my next quarterly A1C test and it was 7.5.  YUP, that’s right!  I brought it down.  Now, 7 weeks later, they’ve cut my medications in 1/2.  I’m doing TERRIFIC and it is all because of the Daniel Plan.

The Daniel Plan is a 40 day jump start program to a new and improved lifestyle.  It is based on Romans 8 and uses five basic principals to a new you.  Faith, Food, Fitness, Friends and Focus.

Faith is based on using your own personal faith in God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit to work in your life to create a temple for the Holy Spirit in your body that is pleasing to God.  My life is dependent of God’s plan and I am dedicated to being the best person I can be for Him.

Food is all about what we put in our bodies.  I learned to read the labels on foods, look for chemical additives that are bad for a person’s health and to change my unhealthy eating habits for better ones.  I learned that if it comes from a growing plant, it is good for you; but if it is manufactured in a plant, it is not.  No High Fructose Corn Syrup, No MSG, No Trans fats!  I learned to pick out the multitude of names that companies use in order to disguise unhealthy ingredients into food products.  I’ve cut out gluten based starches cause inflammation in our bodies and I feel better.

Fitness was a hard one for me; because I was feeling to badly to begin with; but I pushed myself.  I’ve been riding my bike for the past 8 weeks and am pushing myself further and harder than before.  I’m moving easier with a lot less inflammation than before.  I’m not a 100%; but I’m making headway.

Friends have been so important.  When I have felt stressed and wanted to eat, I instead contacted a friend.  If I felt a set back in some way, I could talk to my group of friends, who are also on the plan, and feel better.  With friends who hold you accountable, I am more likely to keep to the program and I do.

Focus has helped me to keep it all on God.  Scripture, prayer, devotion and love for God keep me focused on a better lifestyle for a happier, healthier me. 

Pastor Rick Warren worked with Dr. Hyman and Dr. Amen and consulted with Dr. Oz to help people get healthy.  They have the program, a cook book, a journal, and interactive DVD study that keep you on track.  At our last weekday meeting, we shared a few recipes for healthy alternatives.  It was great.  So great, in fact, that I began a second 40 day Bible Study with another group of friends to get them healthy, too.  It is wonderful.  My excitement about feeling better, getting stronger and staying faithful to God is now helping others to do the same. 

I love God for how he is helping me to be a new ME!  He is good all the time and I just love Him.

Not that anyone cares……..

We all know that one person who is a bit of a drama queen.  They make mountains out of mole hills and find a way to get the attention they crave from any situation.  I know one who is particularly starved for attention and sometimes, is so annoying that I want to scream.  Eg. last night, this person got up too fast, which always causes them dizziness & had to grab the table for support.  Now, as someone who has suffered from vertigo for the last 20 years, I know to take it slowly.  This person, however, will not take that advice and I do believe it is for the attention it gets them.  Anyway, this person got up too fast and nearly fell down.  “I almost took a nose dive, NOT that anyone cares.” was the statement made to this action, creating an eye roll from me.  Geeze! Get over it.  Do what you’re supposed to do and you wouldn’t have these problems.  Take it slowly!

So, I state that taking it slowly would result in an easy time of it; but I was met with an angry stare, so I just shut up.  This person wanted the drama, not the advice. 😦

This got me thinking.  It’s true.  No one really cares anymore.  We say we do; but for the most part, people don’t truly listen to others, stop and think about others or truly give a crap about anyone else.  If it doesn’t effect us immediately, most of us don’t even care.  So sad.  I truly believe we’ve reached a point in the universe that we hide behind our media devices and only care long enough to make the appropriate response before moving on to the next thing in our lives.  Eg. Facebook post about how ill you feel gets a dozen “so sorry, feel better” responses; but how many of those people give you a call and ask you if you need anything?  How many of them send you a follow up the next day?  How many of these “friends” care enough to see if you are feeling better? 

For me, since I’m feeling lousy 90% of the time, I tend to not post about illnesses unless it is an unusual event.  However, when my friends say they are feeling bad, I do care and I will pray for them.  It may not be the thing they want or need; but I feel that asking God to speed their recovery is something I can do for them.  I wish I could do more.  But, how many people truly care?  Do they think about the sick friend past the initial post of feel better? 

I cannot say that everyone “doesn’t care”.  There are some who truly care and do whatever is possible to assist.  What I am saying is that this world is becoming increasingly unfeeling due to the fact that so many of us hide behind a faceless/nameless screen without personal contact.  I grew up in a time without all this technology.  I had face time with friends.  Yes, this keeps me close to those who are far away; but what about the person right down the street?  They’re lost in the shuffle of daily postings, time spent in cyberspace and the fast paced life I never wanted in the first place. 

I pray that God will intervene.  I pray that we, as a people, don’t get so lost in technology that we forget how to really live.  I hope that people don’t stop caring for other people.  I hope that the “personal” touch is not lost. 

I read a book as a child about a utopian society that was run by machines and how even the basic sexual acts were no longer for the pleasure of human contact; but per functionary for procreation only.  A place where you were told what to think, what to feel and what to do.  It was sad and I pray that we’re not headed in that direction. 

Hope this made sense. 😀