Anniversaries

This month brings two important anniversaries for me.  June 24, 1987, I graduated from High School, making this year the 30th Anniversary.  It is also 8 years since I nearly died at the hand of my ex husband.  It is hard to believe how fast life passes you by.

I have very few people that I still speak to from high school, only those who have been life long friends.  I have even fewer from the time when I left the panhandle who I still communicate with.  It’s hard to believe those who believed the lies of an abuser over the woman who nearly died at his hands.  <shrug> It is what it is.  Can’t change the world or those who have eyes that can’t see.

My son & I are preparing to head North on Saturday to visit an old friend from my USMC days.  So excited.  A whole lot of catching up will be had and a whole lot of laughing, singing, dancing and foolishness.  I haven’t even begun to pack.  I figure tomorrow is soon enough.

I am one week post surgery on my throat and still feeling a bit of pain; but what can you expect when you have something shoved down your throat to remove a cyst.  It’s healing according to the doctor.

Currently reading three books.  One is on Ruth and breaks down her life with Naomi and how she abandoned her life in Moab to go with her mother-in-law, to Judah, and worship the one true King.  The 2nd is a Max Lucado study on Jesus at the Cross.  It is broken down into the tiniest of details of that day.  My 3rd is by Anne Graham Lotz called “The Daniel Prayer”.  It is how to make your prayer life as powerful as Daniel prayed to the Lord and finally freed the Israelites’ from their 75 year imprisonment by Babylon.  It’s a follow along study with Videos on her site.

I bought the movie, “The Shack” on Tuesday and my son & I watched it that night.  Such a powerful movie and had me in tears again.  Love that movie so much.  The lessons it brings are simply beautiful and give such hope.

 

Happy Mother’s Day

I hope your day is spent in beauty and love.

My wish is to always be the best Mother I can be to my son.  The Sarah Connor Meme was what he posted on my FB wall for Mother’s Day.  I guess that speaks for itself. LOL!  Oh how I love that boy of mine. ❤

Friday evening was the Band Awards Night.  My parents came and my son received his Junior year award, his Jazz, Percussion and Marching pins and was named Most Outstanding Musician for this past year.  So proud of him and his accomplishments. Afterwards, I took him, my parents and one of his friends out for dinner at Ruby Tuesdays. Delicious food, great company and lots of laughs.  Gave my mom her gifts for Mother’s Day and we all had a great time.  So blessed to have these great times together.

I know I have a year until my son graduates and we’re making the most of our time together.   The first two weeks after school gets out, we’re going to Virginia to spend time with friends.  Not sure if the whole time will be there; but we shall see.  Also have an open invite from my Uncle in NC to stop by, so I may spend a few days with them as well.

I am so looking forward to our trip.  It’s about a 17 hour drive; but I know the two days it takes to get there will be tedious, however, well worth the hassle.  Seeing a friend I haven’t seen in over 20 years.  So blessed to be able to do so.  He’s just had both knees replaced and I just can’t let any more time go between us.  I have to see him.  I can hardly wait to meet his wife.  She’s sweet and kind and has tamed this man a lot from our youth.  I adore them.

This year has gone by quickly; but the last week has seemed to crawl by slowly.  I guess knowing that it is only a few weeks until I get to vacation must be what is making it seem this way.  Of course, the time we’re away will fly by for sure. LOL!

Last week, my cousin laid to rest her boyfriend of 17 years.  It was unexpected.  He had a brain tumor that he didn’t know about, caused him to lapse into a coma and become brain dead within two days.  Devastating her, his family and their friends.  What is strange is that in September, shortly after my own loss, we had gotten together and had discussed what would happen to her if something happened to him.  I had been explaining to her all the things I needed to go through with the power of attorney, lawyer, cremation, etc.   She expressed her concerns about her situation with me and I listened and shared what I knew from my own personal experience.  I hope it led to a talk with him about it.  She hasn’t been up to talking to anyone, so I am not sure.  I feel so bad about the situation.  She loved him so much.

Actively working on my patience.  On my second Max Lucado bible study book.  Did a short one on patience that I’d gotten from another source.  It was only on patience and about 60 pages, but very intense.  I certainly needed that.  Still waiting on God’s perfect timing.  ❤

God Is Good!

I began reading Max Lucado’s new book, “He Still Moves Stones” and I’m on chapter 4 last night and right there, in black and white, it shows me that even Jesus had trouble with his family.  WOW!  Max let me know that it is okay that I have walked away from my sisters and father due to the way they treat me.  That Jesus left His family and it wasn’t until His death that His family sang His praises.  (No I don’t want them to sing my praises when I’m dead)  It is just good to know that I’m in good company with the family thing.  😀

This past weekend, I took my son and his friend to Daytona to watch the FFCC Championship.  Last year, our High School won 1st Place.  This year, the lazy band director wouldn’t do Indoor Drumline, much to the kids disappointment.

Daytona was beautiful.  The weather excellent.  The hotel sucked!  They never cleaned our room on Saturday while we were gone all day.  Not happy.  No clean towels and when I went to the front desk, no one was there; but a sign that says “we’re full”.

The competition was great.  Very much so for us.  The boys hung out with friends from another school and just had a stress free weekend.  My son got sunburn on the top of his feet.  He missed school yesterday since he couldn’t wear shoes.  SMH.  Walked the beach.  Went to the fishing pier.  Saw dolphins and black tip sharks in the water.  I got a little sun; but I know better than to over expose myself due to the Lupus.  I bought a nice purple ball cap that I just love and almost bought a turtle; but worried he wouldn’t make it home alive.

I went to Bubba Gump for an early dinner/late lunch before going over to the arena and I must say it was delish!  The waiter was great, the whole staff, actually.  I had the Calamari and a shrimp po’boy along with 2 Georgia Peach tea’s that gave me a slight buzz; but wore off very quickly.  LOL!

Started PT yesterday.  Not too bad, so far.  I had to wear a pain pump patch for 3 hours afterwards which is a type of cortisone.  At least I’m not allergic to it. Ha, ha.

 

 

The Shack

If you want to see an extraordinary movie, I highly recommend “The Shack”.  You will laugh, you will cry and you will experience a miracle as long as your heart is open.

As someone who has suffered incredible pain in my life from so many sources, I definitely felt healing was the main purpose of this incredible movie.  On the way home, I stopped and bought the soundtrack and the book to read.  (Yes, I am nuts, but I’m okay with that.)

Sometimes when this life has dealt us too much pain to bear and we let it surround us and encompass us, we lose our hope.  We blame ourselves, we blame others and we blame God.  However, this movie introduces us to God, Jesus & the Holy Spirit and lets us see through their eyes.  Oh, the power of this movie is tremendous.

I spent time praying for another’s hurts while watching this movie.  I couldn’t NOT pray.  This movie has moved me beyond mere words.  To say it is powerful is an understatement.  Since seeing the previews, I have been drawn to this movie.  I am so grateful I went to see it.

I also had the pleasure of sharing the experience with two great women friends.  Each woman felt the same way.  Anastasia had previously read the book and mentioned that it was one of the few movies she’s seen that actually does the book justice.

My girlfriends and I enjoyed a wonderful Italian meal afterwards and great conversations as well.  I cannot imagine a better end to a great day than a movie and meal with friends.

My heart wants me to share the movie with the man whom God is preparing me for; but I don’t know how to broach the subject with him at present, so I am sure that God will reveal the way.

I love the Lord.  I rejoice in being saved by Jesus and I so hope that by sharing with others that they will come to know God through me.

 

Painting & Craft Show

I’ve made two and a half paintings this week.  I have been feeling rather sick for the last week and a half.  Last Sunday, I couldn’t even get out of bed.  My vertigo has been acting up and when it does, I feel so out of control.

Anyway, I made a painting for my dear friend, Francine.  It’s a beautiful woman, reaching for the light with red hair.  Yes, Francine is a red head.  She’s a beautiful person and I just saw a picture on the internet and I just had to paint it for her.  Francine is alone in NYC.  Her parents are both gone and we’ve just made such a strong connection with each other.  She also has a Pomeranian, so, she’s a great person. LOL!  Even though the distance is far, we connect on a deep level and I can’t imagine a better friend than her.  She’s also an inventor and is now marketing her baby travel containers.  I just adore her.

My second painting this week was of the Pittsburgh skyline.  It needs one more thing added to it; but I am pretty satisfied with it.  I’ve started a third by painting the entire canvas black and it now awaits it’s subject matter.  Yesterday I was going to start on it; but my dizziness is making it hard to hold my head up, so it will have to wait.

Next Saturday is the craft show I signed up for to sell my jewelry creations.  I’d asked a friend to look them over; but so far, hasn’t done so.  <sigh> I don’t want to be a pest, so I’ll just go forth without knowing.

I have necklaces and bracelets and I just need to get some hooks for my display boards and I will be set.  It is at one of the local high schools and is just 1/2 a day, so I should be okay.  I’ve already gotten a table cloth and have added many tags and such to them at this point.  I really hope all goes well.  I also hope that I am feeling a bit better before this day comes.  UGH!  Sometimes I so hate my body and it’s betrayal.

Tomorrow, I go back to the ENT doctor.  I am not looking forward to this at all.  I know that I am still suffering from voice problems and I have no idea where this will lead me.  The right side of my throat is throbbing today.  I couldn’t even speak last night by the time I went to bed.  I am really afraid that I have a serious problem with my voice box and I don’t want to lose it forever.  Of course, I have a big voice, so it would be missed. LOL!  I had a friend once who called me “Ethel Merman” all the time and when he did, I’d belt out a song in imitation of her.  He’d always laugh.

Have I mentioned that patience isn’t one of my strong suites?  LOL!  Still “patiently” waiting on the Lord.  Having to be patient with these test results.  Got blood work done on the 31st and was able to look them up on Friday and was pleased that they reflected much better than 6 months ago.  It was really hard to wait for the few days to see them; but I am extremely please with the results all the same.

Rooting for the Falcons today in the Super Bowl.  I just can’t root for the Patriots, not since “Deflate Gate”.  It was such a betrayal and I just can’t do it.  So, the Falcons it is.

I remember when I was married and we used to have such great Super Bowl parties.  I’d spend two days preparing food and getting the house ready for the game and we’d have such fun.  Or I’d prepare food and we would go to the American Legion and party there all night.  Such great fun.  I even found my son’s Steeler’s jersey from way back when.  It’s so tiny.  Made me miss him being that small.  Hard to believe he’s already 17.  Time sure does fly.

You can never go back.  So, onward and upward.

 

Out of my comfort zone

I have a friend from childhood on FB who recently posted two videos with him singing on them.  He’s pretty good.  We were in choir together in HS and he had his own rock band back then that was pretty popular among our peers.  He also had a gal we knew from then sing back up vocals to his first song.  She was quite the singer back in the day, too.  Our music teacher commented on the post encouraging others to do the same.  Planted a seed in this crazy mind of mine. LOL!

I am seriously considering doing the same thing.  I love to sing.  I have a large vocal range and even put on a “One Woman” show back in 2005, which was met with acclaim.  I remember when I was stationed in Iwakuni and went to my first karaoke bar and was conned into singing a song with a friend.  I was so nervous; but I did it anyway.  I started singing and the entire bar went completely silent.  My two friends, who were with me, were slack jawed in awe.  It made me feel so good about my abilities.

I am not one who seeks out admiration from others.  I don’t like to be the center of attention; but I do just want to do what I love and if that makes others happy, then that’s great, too.  With that said, I am going to try it.  I’m going to sing some songs and then I’m going to post them on youtube and put it out there.  <shrug>  Who knows where it will go; but it will be me, raw and naked for the world to see.

Ever since I was a little girl, I have loved music.  It is timeless.  It is magical and it is beautiful.  It speaks to those who let it and resonates through the ages.  I cannot imagine my life without it.

Over the last several months, I’ve been pushing myself to do things I haven’t done in ages.  I am liking all these new experiences.  It is definitely pushing the envelope that is for sure.  I’d not do these types of things, at least not in a long time.  I’m finally off the back burner and have rejoined the human race.  Well, at least the creative side of it.  Ha, ha.

After school today, I sat here and listened to my son, who was playing his drums in the garage and I have to say I am very impressed with him.  I’ve watched him go from not being able to play at all to mastering the art.  What an impressive thing to have witnessed, the growth and development of a young musician.

Hopefully, I will be able to watch his talent develop into a wonderful life of music and a career he will blossom in.  ❤

Happy New Year

So, it’s a new year and only 4 days until the kid goes back to school.  I’ve kept the kids busy.  We went to Russell Stover’s and Museum of Science yesterday.  It was a nice day for us and they seemed to really enjoy the museum a lot.

New Year’s Eve was spent going out to eat at Rib City, followed by church service.  We watched “God’s Not Dead 2”.  Great movie.  Cried, of course.  Makes you think, that’s for sure and the movie left an out for a third movie.

Took the kids to see the movie Sing, which I really enjoyed.  I wasn’t sure that I would; but I really did.  Cute movie.  Will probably buy it.

I’m deciding whether to sign up for a craft show on February 11th.  I’ve gotten busy making stuff for the day and went shopping for some supplies today that were on sale as well.  I’m going to be busy, that’s for sure.  😀   I’m hoping the craft show gets well promoted.  It’s being held at ICHS, so hopefully they do a good job of it.  Just wanting some advice about if I should go for it or not.

Things have been slow and easy here at the house.  I am taking down the tree tomorrow.  It’s been up long enough.  I can’t believe that Valentine’s Day stuff is already out.  Stores seem to push the holidays on us nearly as soon as the last one is finished.

Book work is coming along well.  Over 30,000 words completed.  The car is going in for it’s first scheduled maintenance check next week.  I finally hit over 4,000 miles this week.  Ha, ha.  Only took me 6 months. 😀

Mom turns 70 tomorrow.  Can’t believe it.  She certainly doesn’t act like it.  She’s just told me a few weeks ago that she wants to take my son and nephew on vacation this summer across country.  This, of course, is after I told her I was taking my son up north to visit with his siblings and to visit several friends.  I am not happy; but even if my son goes with them, I believe I will still go north to visit.  I can’t believe that she knowingly made these plans.  Same shit, different day, I guess.  I haven’t said anything to her; because there truly is no point.  SMH.

Well, I’m off to get busy making stuff.  HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Good Friends

Yesterday I met my friend Deb for lunch at Ruby Tuesdays.  We got there at 12ish and stayed until 5 pm just talking.  LOL!  We be crazy.  We laughed, we cried, we shared and we ate.  Due to the circumstances of the past year, we hadn’t had a chance to get together for a while; but she’s the type of friend that even if 5 years had passed, we’d pick up right where we left off.

Since life is now different for both of us, we’re going to see each other more often.  We’re going to start walking in the evenings together. I’m looking forward to it.  Life has really gotten simpler and I am just floating along on this lazy river of life.

All presents are wrapped and under the tree.  Grab bag gifts for my son’s party are ready and I just have to make the food.  Should be a fun time for those who attend.  I really like his friends, even the difficult ones.  Great group of young people who share some common interests.

Donated a bunch of things to locale Toys For Tots.  Took a big box of stuff to them this afternoon.  They needed “teens & tweens” stuff and we provided well for them.  I like to donate; because you never know when you might be in the same position.

Making “Spaghetti Grilled Cheese” tonight for dinner.  Saw a video on them and since we both LOVE spaghetti sandwiches, why not with gooey melted cheese, too!  Can’t wait to try’em.

Book is coming along nicely.  I’m burning up the keyboard with tales of sin.  I can hardly wait to share it.

Church tonight and next week’s service will be a joint service with our host church for Christmas Eve.  Our bible study on Wednesday was our last of the year and we begin again on January 11th.  I don’t know if I mentioned it previously; but our study is the book of Job.  It has been quite the journey.  Even knowing the outcome of his situation and the reason behind it, the struggle could be relatable to today.  I remind myself that I have to praise my Lord in the bad times as well as the good because HIS plan is so much more than what I have planned.

I am so over this year and the “bad” things that have happened that I look forward to putting it behind me so that God can deliver me to the next thing he has planned for my life.  Patience is easier said than done for me; but I am waiting as patiently as I can.

This week is full of 1/2 days and exams for the boy.  No school Friday and two full weeks off of school.  One of his friends is taking him out to Christmas shop this week.  He’s looking forward to that.  His Christmas Concert was Thursday night and he was great.  Mom & Dad came up to see it.  We then went out to dinner and closed the place.  Ha, ha.

We went to the comic book store yesterday and he got a new game and I got some comics.  They moved from a tiny little store front to a much larger one and it is so much nicer.  Had a video chat with my friend and saw how much her son loved the gift I sent to him.  She also shared a video of him “reading” their good night story and how he was singing “row, row, row your boat”.  So cute.  I love that little boy.  He’s 18 months old and I so much miss when my baby was that small.  ❤

I’ve gotta run…….

Feeling Sassy

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Feeling a bit sassy today.  Picked up my order for the kid’s presents, wrapped and under the tree.  Have two more to come in.  I’m so done.  I hated having to go to the store to pick them up.  I have one more by mail and one more by store.  I did go to my local pizza place and get an XL box from them to wrap one of the kid’s gifts that didn’t come in a box.  I love this place.  They are the best.  I praise them all the time on my FB page.  They are great people and we eat there at least once a week. LOL!

I normally hate to shop and this season makes it worse for me.  Dropped the last two packages in the mail today for the season.  Just hope they like their gifts.  Ha, ha.  The kid is at a rehearsal for his concert next Thursday evening.  My parents will be here for the show.

I pick up the poinsettia orders today and deliver them on Saturday at church.  He sold 8 total or should I say he sold one and I got the other 7. Hey, it’s 6 over his required, so I’m pleased with that.

This is a photo of my legs.  I’ve always had great legs.  They’re really muscular and this photo came out great of them.

I met a man while out today who was easy to talk to and very kind.  We spoke of both our recent losses and he was promoting his job at a local new Mexican place locally.  He offered to buy me a Margarita.  Ha, ha.  He lost his wife 2 months ago and had positive things to say about Hospice as well.

I was praying with my Bible study group yesterday and she mentioned the fact that we don’t know the true date of Christ’s birth.  I found it funny because I had just prayed two nights previous about that.  I know we don’t know the exact date that Jesus was born; but we do know which day we celebrate it and for me, that is enough.  I’m not going to get all bogged down on when; but in the WHY!

He was born to save us from eternal suffering and to die for our sins.  That is what is important, not the whole b.s. about what date.

 

BW

fankit_39ea07df451410227.jpgI remember my youth and love of comic books.  Batman & Captain American were my favorites.  However, there was one that stood out above the crowd.  She was in some of the comics I read.  Her name was Black Widow.  Oh, how I loved her.  She seemed to be this exotic, elusive, unsung hero.

Don’t get me wrong, I loved Wonder Woman and adored the Saturday morning show “Isis” and watched both these powerful women every week on their respective shows; but there was just something about Black Widow that had me.

I loved the song, “Queen Bee” by Barbara Streisand from the movie “A Star is Born”; because it told the story of said spider.  I fell in love with Alice Cooper’s “Black Widow” song and later, Lita Ford made two songs to the pretty spider.  How could a girl like me not fall hard for my favorite heroine.

Imagine my surprise when Marvel came out and launched their movies and included my lovely.  I must say, that was the ultimate reward for a die hard fan.  As for me, I have a confession to make.  I’ve been her, too. 😀

Back in my USMC days, in the earlier than the internet days, computer users used what was called BBS or Bulletin Board Systems and I used the name “Black Widow” as my own.  It was the early 90’s and we all could become who we wanted behind the keyboard.  I loved those simpler days.

Since I developed this persona, I have used her over the years.  She’s my alter ego.  She is who I write as.  She is “the mind of the mad woman” within me.  I love her.  She’s free to write poetry, short stories and even books.  She has ensnared many within her web and she lives deep within my soul.  With her I am free.

I remember when my email address included her.  blackwidow@xxx.ooo This name definitely gave people a lot of assumptions as to who and what I was.    Ha, ha.

Now that she is so widely known, I am a little jealous of those who think they can have her.  She was my secret for so long and now it’s out.  Nothing like being laid bare for all to see. LOL!  Of course, she’ll always be my alter ego.  She’s who has developed so many poems and short stories and she is freeing.  I will always keep her within my soul.