Saying Goodbye.

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Yesterday was a hard day.  We said goodbye to our beloved corgi after 13 years of love and craziness.

Over the last year, he’s had bladder control issues.  Poor baby.  No pain.  No suffering, just succumbing to old age.

Over the last month, he’s slowed down, slept more than awake and was having trouble getting up due to his back legs slipping out from beneath him.

In the craziness of finding another place to live, we thought he’d be with us for a while longer.  Three days ago, he stopped eating, then just went to sleep Saturday evening and never woke up.

Tippy was a gift from a friend we knew who begged my son’s father to let him have the puppy.  He was a tiny, little puppy and we were told he was a “Jack Russell”.  The funny thing is, his ears gave him away.  Our vet took one look at him and informed us that he was most definitely was not; but a Welsh Cardigan Corgi.  (He has a tail)

My son, a 5 year old who had wanted his own puppy and not share his mom’s 3 poms, delighted in the fact that we had gotten him his own dog.  As time went on, the two became thick as thieves.  The love they shared was beautiful.   They slept together up until a few years ago when Tippy began having trouble getting up into the bed, so he then slept under the bed.

Tippy was smart.  He liked to make you think he was dumb; but he wasn’t.  He’d watch closely all we’d do and then figure out ways to get himself into trouble with his new found knowledge.  He was a master escape artist when the mood hit him.  A major beggar when he really wanted something and patient with the little dogs.

When we first brought him home, my female pom took him under her wing.  She showed him the ropes, treated him like her own pup and nurtured him into believing he was a tiny Pomeranian lapdog, just like the other 3.  At around 30lbs, he was not easy on the lap; but definitely well loved.  She was the ultimate mommy to all the pups and loved them all.  She even treated my son like her own when he was a baby and loved to play with him, so Tippy was just another pup for her to raise.

As a matter of fact, Tippy loved her so much, that when she slowed down and finally passed in 2007, he stayed right by her side until the end.  It was sweet and a treasured memory for sure.

Time has been short; but full of love.  The 13 years we had him was not long enough; but it was full of love.  He had a good life with us.  He will be missed.

The hardest part for us was the burial.  My son had to do it on his own.  I’m not strong enough.  I tried to help; but due to my illness, I was useless.  Our little girl offered us both comfort when we were crying.  She heard my son in the bathroom last night and wouldn’t leave until he came out and she could love on him.  She’s amazing.  My pommy boy went to Tippy before we wrapped him up and licked him goodbye.  He’s known Tippy his entire life and they were fast friends.

I’m not sure how or if they’ll mourn like we do; but I know that we’ll all do it together and we’ll all get through it one day at a time.

Until we meet again at the rainbow bridge, Tippy.

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No Place Like Home

After renting our current home for the last 7 years, it’s time to move on.  With my income being reduced and our rent being increased, we were kind of forced to make a change.  We began hunting for a new rental with a lower rent that accepts doggies.  No luck.

I began thinking about looking into buying a house. I contacted a Veteran’s Mortgage Broker and got preapproved for a mortgage and began my journey back to buy a house in May.  They recommended a Veteran realty specialist in my area who knew the ins and outs of acceptable residence for VA approval.  My son and I found many great places; but one by one, they showed to be “unworthy” for one reason or another.

Amid this chaos, I was also seeing an ENT and an ear neurologist to help with my ear infection and increased balance issues.  As of yesterday, I’m continuing this journey without answers.

Today, I received notice that once the insurance quote and written appraisal report comes in that the underwriter will take the file on for approval of my mortgage.  I’ve already received preapproval for it all from the underwriter, so we’re set and progressing toward our August 2nd closing date.

YES!  We found a house!  YEAH!

It’s half the size of our current place, with a nice back yard for the pups.  It’s an older home; but passed inspection with ease due to the owner’s complete restoration of the home over the last year.  It will be the same distance to the college my son is attending as our current location, without the toll he’d have to pay each day at present.  Another plus!  The home is 3 bedrooms and one bathroom; but with our schedules, that isn’t going to be a problem.

I am half way to having the house packed up.  It’s hard to do more than a few hours at a time for me; but I’m getting there.  I have time.  I have 1/2 a garage full of donated items for the Salvation Army that I’ll schedule for pick up on the 26th of the month.  I’m excited for this new adventure.

I’m having the property deeded in both our names so if anything happens to me, my son won’t have to pay inheritance tax on the property.

I’ve sketched out plans for the yard, to include an area for a firepit and plants around the front and back.  These are plans that I’ll implement over time so I have things to do around the house to keep me busy.  No need to rush anything, just busy work.

Next week, my son is going to drive out to get my niece and nephew with my father.  My father is excited about the road trip and even my son is looking forward to their time together.  I’m so proud of my son.  He’s gotten his driver’s license and has even had his first solo adventure with the car.

Last weekend, we went to DCI in Orlando.  We saw my son’s HS band director there with his wife.  We hung out with them while waiting during a lightning delay (two 30 min. periods).  His wife and I will be getting together next week for lunch when things are less busy for both of us.   I love these two so much.  Such great people. ❤

DCI was great.  So fun to watch these wonderful musicians play their routines and compete against themselves for greater performance of their craft.  My son loves the Blue Coats.  Me, I love the Cadets out of PA.  They have such beautiful shows.  I especially loved the one they did last season most of all.  They always incorporate singing in their shows and I just love their choir.

God has so blessed my son and me.  He’s lead me to a great house.  He’s helped me through this daunting process.  He’s held me together on the days I’ve wanted to just fall apart.  My life has been a series of ups and downs.  My life has been in turmoil more than peace.  It’s made me a much stronger woman and I am grateful to God that He has made me this way.  He is so beautiful and so rewarding and so very loved by me.  I can not imagine making this journey without Him.

I dedicate my life to serving Him in all I do.  I bring glory to His name by sharing my testimony with others on His faithfulness.  He is my everything.  With Him, I rise above.  Without Him, I fall and can’t get up.  I am not perfect.  I fail Him daily; but I know that each new day brings new grace, new strength, new abilities and renewed love from Him.  Nothing can change that and nothing will make me doubt Him.

Our corgi is dying.  He’s not eating, just drinking.  He’s having trouble walking and sleeping more and more.  I’ve seen the signs before and want him to go peacefully, here with us.  We have discussed this at great lengths and we both agree that unless he begins to cry out in pain and suffering, he’ll stay here with us, until the end.  We both love him so much and want what is best for him.  He will be missed so very much.

Until we meet again…..

Summertime…..

Here we are, on the cusp of summertime and so begins the rains.  We’ve been lucky thus far that its rained only at night so far; but I’m sure the normal afternoon monsoons will start soon.

My son & I have been looking at new places to live and we may have found one.  We shall have to wait and see if all goes well.  It’s been a tough couple of weeks with us finding, then viewing, then finding more places and viewing, in a seemingly endless cycle of disappointments.

What has made these trips worse has been the fact that my ear infections have progressed to the “worse” stage and my vertigo is strongly asserting itself into my life and causing me intense dizziness to the point of severe nausea.  Not even sea sickness bands or tablets have provided any relief at all.  It’s a nightmare.  My only hope is that next week, when the ENT places tubes in my ears, it will help.

My son passed his driving test today, so he’s finally street legal.  Finally got an appt with the advisor at the college.  Looking good for the scholarship to pay for it and we’re working toward being settled into a new place before he starts in August.

Today’s prize was that everything seemed to be going our way.  I’m just waiting for the other shoe to drop.  Ha, ha.

The places we looked at today:  first one a total bust.  Bad neighborhood, duplex, small and not a good place for the pups to live.  Not happy with it at all.  The second place was nice.  Spacious, nice flooring, good neighborhood, quaint, great fenced back yard for the pups and we both agreed we like it.

Cons:  Needs washer, dryer, microwave and  chicken wire for the fence.  The fence is a nice wooden one; but my baby, Honi, could slip right between the slats, so we’ll have to put up some chicken wire, about 2 feet from the ground up, to prevent her from escaping.  There are 6 foot privacy fences on both neighbor’s sides.  Not a bad little place.  I can see the potential of me building up the landscape in the back yard.  The yard is just big enough for us to let the pups out for their thing and for any BBQ we may want to do out their.

However, with all the things I need to do for the place, which isn’t a whole lot, I look forward to doing them.  I also need to do some more packing.  I’ve gone and reduced the number of storage tubs I’ve had in the garage and added a bunch more stuff to the donation boxes.  My craft room will be my biggest challenge; but I’m up to it.

I’ve been looking at storage solutions, room ideas, decorating ideas and more, just wanting to change things up a bit.  I look forward to the challenges.  Of course, my son has many friends who have volunteered to assist us with the move and I am grateful that they’re on board with helping us out.  I definitely couldn’t do it without them.

Last Friday, we went to see Incredibles 2 with one of my son’s friends.  Not bad for a sequel.  It’s great how they will only produce quality stories. I’ve heard that Cars 2 is crap; but since I didn’t care for Cars to begin with, I never watched the other 2 they put out.  Anyway, we laughed so hard at the humor and cheered on the supers before going home satisfied with the movie.

My partner at church will be gone for the last two weeks of July and first two weeks  of August, so I’ll be “THE” AV gal.  My son will take care of the sound portion and we’ll work as a team.

This past week, I watched as our drummer, (the man who had a stroke back in October, whom my son was subbing for) playing like his old self.  So great to see where God took him in his health care journey.  We are all so grateful that he is back in the band and my son will be his “sub” when he can’t make it in.  Such a blessing.  God is so good! ❤

Our Pastor was able to come back to church on Saturday as well.  He’s been out the last two weeks with stomach issues that seem to be resolving.  YEAH! We have an associate Pastor working with us the rest of the summer with our band in order to give our Pastor a break.  Another blessing in our lives.  God is so Good!!!

My love of this church family is so overwhelming.  I absolutely adore them and look forward to the days when we get together.  I cannot think of a better family dynamic than ours.  We pray together, we share our lives, we cry, we laugh, we love, we learn and we worship the Father, all while singing the praises of the great I AM.  We are small; but mighty.

On this journey we call life, don’t forget Who put us here and how much He loves us.

Thank You for Your Service

So, I’m watching the movie, “Thank You for Your Service”, a movie about what happens when a soldier comes home from war.  It deals with PTSD, Traumatic Brain Injury, and the VA health care system.

I remember when I was first discharge from the Marines when I was a young woman and first went to the VA hospital closest to my home in NY.  I filled out paperwork, enrolled in the system and filed a claim.

I was treated like shit.  From the first doctor on.  I was in massive pain, I waited hours to be seen by a doctor.  I had tears streaming down my cheeks as I waited to be called in.  I couldn’t take the pain.  I was miserable.  I was hurting.  I saw the doctor, who gave me nothing; but a referral to Psych.  I went to the VA Psych hospital and was taken to a room where I was patted down by two male security guards, who only used the metal detective wand on the males and was treated to a groping.  I then saw the doctor, who made the situation worse and I left there feeling 10x’s worse and assaulted.

The movie tells the characters that it will take up to 12 weeks for the claim to go through; but realistically, it’s more like 6-9 months.  For me, it took 2 years.  I filed in October 1994 and received benefits in October 1996.

The problem is and always will be that the system is broken and now that we have even more service men and women filing everyday, it’s like putting twenty pound bag of sugar on a scale that only measure up to a pound.  It’s going to break and the sad thing is these men and women NEED the help, desperately.

I hurt so much for them.  I feel their pain.  I dream their nightmares.  I struggle, still, with a system that doesn’t give a fuck about it’s patience or those that serve this country after they leave service.

I was last seen by a doctor at the VA clinic September 2016, right after losing my best friend.  You are supposed to be seen at least once a year or you are unenrolled.  My prescriptions are renewed with just an email and when I tried, several times, to get an appointment, I’ve been given the run around.  I’d love to ask them, “Who do I have to kill in order to get an appointment?”, but I don’t want to get arrested or something.  SMH

As the movie ends, they tell you that the real men, whom the story is about, did finally get help.  It’s good to hear.  It’s nice to know that they are still out there and not part of the suicide statistic that is so high in the veteran community.

Everyone has a story to tell about their VA experience.  My father goes to the one in Miami.  He loves it.  His claim was quick and he’s treated like a king there.  Of course, it is veteran run.  People who know what the military is like and how to treat their fellow veterans.  I’m happy for him.  Wouldn’t it be great if the whole system was so much better?

I remember a few years ago hearing about how one VA facility had a makeover of it’s waiting areas and how it was so needed and they asked on veteran what he thought and they were not prepared for his answer, that’s for sure.  It would have been a better use of money had they revamped care and not where we have to wait for care.  That money would have helped more people on the medical side of things, don’t you think?  Yeah, they didn’t like it at all.  I had the same feeling they did.

Shortly after my friend died, I was having a conversation with a long time friend who had the opportunity to meet with President Trump on his campaign trail, before he was president.  Trump had asked those in attendance about VA health care and my friend told him what I had spent the last year dealing with at the local clinic and how my best friend had died because of their lax medical practices and his aid took notes on it.  I hope that it will help other veterans in the future.

 

 

Women Veterans

I am a 100% service connected disabled veteran.  What does that mean?  It means that I received an injury while in military service to this country.  I’m also a woman veteran.  When I joined the USMC I was part of only 1% of the military that were women.  Now, almost 11% of our military force are women.  What an increase.

I bring this up on the eve of Memorial Day; because I am currently watching the 2018 National Memorial Day Concert on PBS.  They made a salute to women veterans and gave the history of women in military service since the Revolutionary war to the present.  They told of women disguising themselves as boys in order to fight in the Revolution from Britain right up to the present, where women are flying jets and are now even 4-star generals.

Back in the mid 90’s, I was discharged by the USMC due to my injury.  I went to the VA Hospital in NY and was in for the biggest culture shock of my life.  Not only was the VA ill equipped to help women; but they were hardly even helping men.  It was disgusting.  Things such as gowns for patients were nonexistent.

My experience and treatment was horrible and after telling a friend about what I had personally gone through, he introduced me to the Women Veteran’s Coordinator and I soon became a part of the solution.  We met monthly.  I spoke with women veterans who wouldn’t use the VA for health care due to their not being equipped to care for us.  With millions of baby steps, they just held a Baby Expo at the VA facility in St. Pete.  Things have changed and thankfully for the better.

Now, I’m not saying it is the best health care in the world; because it’s not.  Backlogs, no available appointments, shitty attitudes from staff members, etc. still prevail.  I mean, I’ve not seen a doctor their since Sept. 2016 and even though I’ve tried to get an appointment, I’ve been put on hold until they’ve hung up on me or told they’d get back to me and I’m just grateful I have Medicare or I’d be dead by now.

I’ve seen specialists both at the VA and the private sector; both of which have told me that with my multiple drug allergies and no cure or surgical options, I’m screwed.  It sucks; but it can’t be helped.

I remember my mother saying multiple times “Marine Wife, hardest job in the Corps.” and I got so pissed off and told her so.  “Mom, I hate to burst your bubble; but it’s not the hardest job.  Being a Woman Marine is the hardest job.  We have to work twice as hard, do twice as much, prove ourselves daily to be good enough and endure men who think the only thing a Woman Marine is good for is a turn on her back.”  She didn’t like that at all.

I was getting ready to graduate boot camp and we were at the photographers for our picture and a male platoon came into the area; because they were next.  Their drill instructor turned to his platoon and said to them, “Here they are, boys, the next platoon of Marine sluts getting ready to graduate.”  My DI never said a word.  I know my platoon was humiliated and embarrassed.  It’s something I will never forget.  It’s a shame that some men feel it is okay to speak to others that way.

I’m proud of my service and would do it again if I could.  Granted, I don’t believe that a woman should be in combat; but if a woman wants to do so, she can now.  I loved my military service.  I loved my job as an aircraft accountant.  I loved the people I worked with and the lifelong friends I’ve made and stay in touch with.

My story has been published in 3 books, shared at the Women In Military Service for America Memorial, as well as shared by myself at meetings across both NY State and Florida.

I have hope that one day the VA will provide great care to veterans.  As I reflect back on my time in service, I Thank the women who came before me that afforded me the opportunity to serve this great nation.  Without them, I could not have served this great nation of ours.  I love the USA!

Pain

It’s been a heck of a week.  Only a few days until graduation for the boy and I am so hoping that the pain will at least recede enough to make it tolerable.  I think it would be far better for my pain to be anywhere but in my face.  It’s like an open tooth.  It’s horrible.  I know, I know.  I’ve shared this before.  So sorry.  I just never thought that 26 years after a botched dental procedure I’d still be suffering such horrible pain and agony.  I guess no one with Trigeminal Neuralgia expects it to last.  Yes, there are days I can push the pain back; but I haven’t been able to do so in a while.  I guess I need to focus on doing that more often; but for whatever reason, I’m stumped as to how I used to do it. <sigh>

I took the kids to the beach a few times and we were lucky enough to be able to stand still as a school of sting rays swam around us, TWICE!!!  Such beautiful and majestic creatures and definitely one of my favorites.  I love seeing them in their natural habitat.

Sting ray season is from April to October and it is best to do the “ray shuffle” so as not to disturb them as they tend to hide just beneath the surface of the sand in water.  By shuffling your feet, you alert the rays that you are in the vicinity and they come out and remove themselves from the area.  Both times we were out on Sanibel, we came upon them in the late afternoon, as the sun was lower in the sky.stingrays.jpg

The parents will be here on Friday evening in preparation for graduation on Saturday morning.  They missed the awards ceremony; but to be honest, my son and I wish we’d missed it, too. LOL!

Anyway, we’re actually going to see Deadpool 2 tomorrow night and we’re looking forward to it.  Of course, nothing can top Avengers: Infinity War as the best movie EVER!  I’m such a nerdy comic book girl and the last 10 years of movies has been AWESOME!  I truly thought they couldn’t top Black Panther; but they DID!  The only thing that would’ve made it better is both this one and part 2 released within a few months, not a year; but I can’t be too pushy.  😀

Anyway, I hope to get through the next few days with minimal pain.  We certainly shall see.

School Walk Out

We do not need stronger gun control laws, what we do need is better Mental Health Care.  Laws don’t stop criminals.  Laws don’t stop gun violence.  An unarmed citizenship allows dictatorships to become a reality, just ask the Jews from WWII.

I remember while I was still in school, Bernie Goetz shot and seriously wounded four men who tried to rob him on the subway.  This was not the first time he’d faced attackers trying to rob him and when the first time ended in the attackers getting a slap on the wrist, he got angry.  This seems to me to be the start of people taking social injustices into their own hands.

I am not, by any stretch of the imagination, advocating for any type of vigilante justice or justifying anyone shooting anyone.  However, I should be able to carry a gun in order to protect myself and property from anyone.  I can also do a lot of damage with a knife, a bat, a crowbar, a broken glass bottle, etc.  If I am wanting to do damage, I will find a way to do it, regardless of the weapon and will get any kind of weapon, illegally or not to do it.  That’s just the way people work.

If I want to hurt you badly enough, I will find the means with which to do it.  It is that simple.

On the other side of the coin, we have a lot more mental illness springing up all over the place.  PTSD is running rapidly through our military, domestic violence sufferers, accident victims and violence survivors.  We have bi-polar disorder, schizophrenia, anxiety disorders, ADHD, depression, dementia and OCD that cause our brains to act in a non-normal way.  Sometimes they are easily identified and sometimes they are not.  Sometimes they are controlled with medication, sometimes they are not.  The stigma we have placed on mental disorders has people who suffer them hiding in shame.

I remember when I was 13 years old and suffered from chronic ear infections (and still do to this day) my pediatrician told my parents it was psychosomatic (all in my mind) and my father freaked out fearing they’d stick this in my medical records, stigmatizing me for life as someone with a mental disorder.  Crazy, right?  True!

We, as a society, need to tear off the Band-Aid that hides people in a closet of shame for being sick.  We do not choose to be this way, it just happens.  Whether it is because of trauma, chemical imbalance, birth/DNA or whatever the reason, mental illnesses are no different than having cancer, influenza, Lupus, arthritis, liver disease, etc.  It is out of the person’s hands and is no more controllable than the sun rising and setting.

I suffer PTSD.  I also take Cymbalta for it.  I will never be able to come off of this drug; because of it.  Without this drug, I can’t go out in public, I suffer in anxiety in crowds, I have uncontrollable episodes of rage and violence, incredible bouts of fear, my mind likes to cycle into madness and my fight or flight response is in overdrive.  I am not ashamed of my PTSD; because it shows the world that I survived what could have destroyed me.  I have had four traumatic instances in my life that have caused me to be at this point in my life and each one could have easily destroyed a weaker person.  I think of it as a badge of honor, not a stigma of shame.  I wish others could feel the same about themselves.

I don’t want to see another school shooting.  I don’t want to see another Oklahoma City bombing.  I don’t want to see another Washington Sniper or Las Vegas Shooter.  I want to see mental health care given a priority.  I want the stigma removed from it.  I want us to live in a better, more caring world.

Taking our guns away will not stop the violence.  Those who wish to do harm will find a way.  We need to wake up and help our fellow humans to be better humans.  Wake up, people!!!  We are turning into our own worse nightmare and if we’re not careful, we may wake up imprisoned by the very people who want to use violence against us.

Walking out for gun violence is not going to solve anything and most who walk out will only do it to get out of class.  Addressing the underlying issue will go a lot further than unarming our citizens.

Whatever you decide to do, be safe while doing it.

God Bless!

 

What is wrong with people these days?

Saturday, I chaperoned my son’s Indoor Drumline trip to Riverview HS.  I so love volunteering and spending the day with the kids and my son.  In the morning, the Color Guard performed and then in the evening, the Drumline performed.  It was a long day; but I love watching them perform.

After my son’s team performed, the battery exited the gym to remove their drums and return to remove and fold the tarp. As I exited the gym, I realized they only had one person to hold the doors open, so I stood to the left side of the entrance and held open the door on the left for those exiting with instruments.

At this time, I noticed two students had not returned to the gym with the rest of the battery and that a girl was having a panic attack. It looked like she threw herself down on the ground in a fit.  I told another Mom to check on her and directed the boy to go assist with the tarp. I turned away from the situation and focused on helping those exiting the gym.

As I was helping to guide one of the instruments over the threshold, the girl entered the alcove and tried to reenter the gym. I turned and told her she was not needed and to step away. She in turn, tried to push her way through me and screaming in my face that she needed to help. I and another student told her the tarp was folded and just waiting to get through the door. I then told her to she needed to step away from the area.

All instruments and the tarp were then successfully removed from the gym. As I walked away from the doors to await the group loading the tarp on the cart, the girl was still throwing herself around in her fit and I guided her away from the others and tried to get her to calm down. I told her to breath. She pushed me away, saying she couldn’t breathe. I tried to get her to refocus away from the panic and she told me to get away from her. I then instructed her that if she didn’t calm down, I was calling an ambulance because she was becoming a danger to not only herself; but those around her.

Her panic ended after hearing this and she ran over to help with the tarp. I then talked with the tech and told her that this girl was out of control and was a danger to not just herself; but those around her.

As I walked away from the tech, Mr. and Mrs. S (band director and Guard instructor)were approaching and I walked toward them. At this point, I was not going to say anything; but wait for a better opportunity to speak with Mr. S in private. However, Mr. S read my body language and asked what was going on. I then explained what had occurred stating that in my opinion, if she can’t get herself together, she is going to wind up hurting herself and those around her.

Mr. S then asked me if she put her hands on me. I told him yes, she had pushed me at two different times. He then called out the girl, instructed her that she was never to put her hands on a parent or student and stated a parent meeting was going to be scheduled for Monday evening and he left the area. I turned to retrieve the first aid bag and the girl ran up to me, distressed, telling me that she was in a panic attack and didn’t intentionally do anything wrong. I told her to step away from me, I didn’t want to hear it and I didn’t want her to be in my face.

At that time, I took the first aid bag back to the trailer. I waited for the other parents to return with the kids, gather up my stuff and went to the bus to wait. There were more than enough parents present that I felt it would not pose a problem and distanced myself from the situation.

Now, before I reveal my questions, please know that I am not a “hater” of anyone.  I love and respect everyone, no matter their illness or persuasion.  IMO, it has nothing to do with me and is none of my business.  So, excuse my curiosity.  No offense intended.

Okay, so here is the question?  What is up with all this crap?  More and more kids are having panic attacks, ADD, ADHD, and what have you.  There are more kids these days identifying as gay or transgender, etc.  What is happening?

Can someone explain what is going on?  I don’t understand.  Is it something with all the chemicals in our food and beverages?  Is it that parents are raising their kids this way?  Is it that we can no longer spank our kids?  Are we letting the government have too much control and we just can’t raise our kids the way we were raised?  Is it that the earth is now too close to the sun and we’re on our way to hell?  I just can’t figure it out.

When I was young, I didn’t know anyone with these types of situations that were my age.  We weren’t medicated.  We weren’t in identity crisis.  I’m at such a loss as to what has happened to cause all this.

I’m not saying I didn’t know people who were gay or transgender; but not at the rate and amount of those who now identify as such.  If someone can tell me what is happening, I’d love to know.

BTW, I mean no disrespect.  I’m just curious.  I’m saddened for this young girl.  It just seems like there are more and more people who just can’t handle life anymore in any way.

Sunday Musings

Once again, I’m suffering from double ear infections.  UGH!  Every time I get one, I think back to the pediatrician who told my mother that my ear pain was psychosomatic and all I wanted was attention at the age of 13 and how she took it as gospel.  This is the same doctor who told my mother that my sister, at the age of 8, was insecure because she still slept with a teddy bear and that her stomach pains (which was a blocked intestine) was all in her head.  After hearing this, my mother took her x-rays and medical records to the ER in another county and was diagnosed immediately with the blockage and was told they caught it in time before it killed her. So, her believing this quack was an insult.  Because of it, I never complained again and kept my pain to myself.  It wasn’t worth the fight.

Anyway, I’m forever suffering from them.  When my son was a baby, I discussed it with his pediatrician, who told me that I shouldn’t have them either.  UGH!  Not everyone is the same.  It’s why I think I’ve had Lupus a lot longer than  when my diagnosis came in 2007.  It would explain a lot of other ailments over the years.

I’ve binge watched several shows on Netflix.  Just watched “6 Souls”, “The Five” and “The Fall” over the four days.  They were a little intense.   I’m a police show junky.

I’m worried about my son.  College, leaving home, etc.  He’s 18; but very naïve.  I’ve been letting him drive home from school daily.  I wanted to get him lessons; but at $70 an hour, I just can’t afford it.  So, we’re on our way to doing it slowly.  I just hope his confidence grows; because at present, he’s still very nervous.

I’m needing a new place to live.  I know that when the child support runs out, I’ll not be able to afford this place anymore.  A friend shared a link to some cute cottages; but at present, they’re not even built. They are going to be built in an area that I would not move to due to the high crime rate also, so Nope!  Since it’s “Snow Bird” season, rentals are not easy to find, so I’ll have to start looking during the March/April time period.

I’ve begun working the AV at church and still have my nose in the bible by doing a bible study of Philippians and reading the book, “Girls With Swords” by Lisa Bevere.  I’m hoping that God will reveal where He wants me to go and how He is going to get me there.  I’m feeling a bit lost right now and I just have to keep taking baby steps in hopes that it is the right direction.

I am so broken these days.  I can only hope to recover.  Hurt and heartache are no stranger to me.  I just feel like I’m drowning in it all the time.

Between heartache and illness, I’m just so tired of being sick and tired.

Long Week

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What a week this has been.  My son had rehearsals 3 out of 5 days and performances on two nights.  He played drums for the Choir concert on Tuesday evening and then had a Jazz performance on Thursday evening.  We no sooner ended Marching season and have now begun Indoor Drumline, which doesn’t end until April.

The Jazz performance was great.  His director singled him out and told about the song they were playing, “Drumming Man” which featured my son on the drums throughout.  Great piece and he did an incredible job.  He’s also stepped up and is subbing for our drummer at church, who had a stroke 3 weeks ago and is in rehab.  So proud of my boy. ❤

I went to the doctor on Friday due to this prolonged crap from Irma stirring up all kinds of garbage.  Gave me a more powerful antibiotic, two shots, singular and nasal spray.  Doctor told me I was full of fluid in my ears and my sinuses are swollen.  UGH!  So sick of this crap. 😦

My son and I went to see “Wonder” on Friday evening and it was pretty good.  He had read the book a while ago and was curious to see how good the movie was going to be.  He is now on my sh*t list.  He broke the cardinal law of taking me to the movies.  THE DOG DOES NOT DIE!  Anything can happen.  People can die, just don’t kill the dog.  Simple rule.  You’d think my kid would know better?  Nope.  Dog dies.  I lose it and he says, “Oops, Mom, I forgot.”  He’s grounded for the next few years!!!!!

After church last evening, we stopped at CVS.  We were in the Christmas aisle and I was playing with the musical animals.  One was doing a rocking rendition of Sleigh Bells and I was dancing.  Little did I know I was also being videoed and sent to my sons snap chat for all his friends to see.   Brat!  Though he got a lot of great responses to it like:  That is so your mom.  Aw, sweet!  She’s so much fun.   I’m not too upset, just caught off guard that he would do something like this.  SMH Gotta watch myself in public around this one.

We just got Netflix.  We’ve both binge watched “Stranger Things” and “Mindhunters”.  We like them both.  Not sure what the next thing will be.  We LOVE the new ABC show “The Good Doctor”.  He’s a big Freddie Highmore fan from “Charlie & the Chocolate Factory” and “Spiderwick Chronicles”.  He didn’t really care for “Bates Motel”, though.

I can only imagine what this current week will bring our way.