Freedom

Tonight I went downtown to “Bike Night” and saw Lita Ford in concert.  Had a fabulous time and as I was driving home, it occurred to me that in the last year, I have truly enjoyed the freedom of not having to ask someone’s permission to do things and have them say no or to say yes and then upon the day’s arrival, force me to cancel my plans, leaving me disappointed.

I can hardly believe it took me a year to realize I am finally free!  I’m free of controlling men.  I can come and go as I please.  After spending the last 22 years with 2 different men who controlled my every move, I am free to do as I please, when I please, with whomever I please.

WOW!  I am amazed.  After all this time, I’ve finally realized that I owe nothing to anyone.

I always believed that a couple should share everything and respect each other and love each other and treasure each other.  In relationships where one partner is completely controlling of the other, you don’t get these same freedoms, love or respect.  You become a virtual slave to the other person and their needs are all that is important.  Even though I’ve completed some intense therapy, I have only just now realized the extent to which I was controlled.  I am so grateful that I am no longer in such situations.  YEAH!!

Knowing that God is bringing me my next relationship and it will be blessed by Him, I have no fear that I will have to worry about that again.  God is directing me toward His plan for my life and I have to say that it is greatly anticipated and looked forward to.

I’m keeping busy while I wait for this plan.  I’ve been crocheting blankets for Boggy Creek Summer Camp, which children with brain tumors and cancer attend yearly.  This camp gives each camper a blanket and teddy bear to keep.  So far, I’ve made two and am working on the 3rd.  I also am working on two other blankets for friends having babies in December & January.

I’m busy with my son’s Senior year of HS as well.  He got his Sr. portraits taken and the cost about floored me!!!  YIKES!!!  I didn’t really like them, either.  He has about 3 weeks left of Marching Band and the time seems to be just sailing by.  He’s working on his college audition videos with several boys from band and is making progress.  So proud of him.

I’ve lost 19 lbs in the last month and am happy with my progress.  I’m steadily getting my life in order.  I’ve got to downsize more and I am waiting until it is a bit cooler to start again.  UGH!  It’s still so incredibly hot.

I miss living up north sometimes.  I miss the leaves changing, the crisp smell of autumn air and the crunch of leaves under foot.   I miss hiking in the woods or up the mountains.  <sigh>

My grandfather passed away this week.  It’s been 18 years since my grandmothers passed, within one week of each other, while I was pregnant with my son.  My grandfather suffered with dementia for the last few years and it is truly a blessing that he has gone home to our Lord.  I know my NC family is grieving his loss.  It hurts that I will no longer get to see him; but I will one day, when I leave this world.  He will be greatly missed. ❤

Most of the missed hurricane days from school are going to be made up before the new year, with only a few days after the new year comes to finish it up.  My son will be graduating on May 19th at 10 am and my parents told me that they’re planning a cruise right after with my cousin, who’s twins will be graduating on the 17th of May, so we may tag along if the price is right.

My world is finally settling into a new normal.  I’m learning to be me again.  I’m who I am again.  Living my life, raising my son, taking care of my pups and loving the new freedom I’ve regained.

Life is good. ❤

 

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Mom?

On Saturday, I chaperoned my son’s Band Competition trip.  They competed with other bands in their 2A Class at another high school north of us.  It was a hot and tiring day; but the kids were terrific and placed 2nd in their class and received a 1st place for their Color Guard.  Overall, it was a great experience with a lot of younger, freshman competing for the first time.

At the end of the evening, the leaders come on field for awards presentation.  I had moved from where our band was in the stands to the otherside of the field’s bleachers in order to take photos for the event.  As the 2nd to last band performed, I waiting with our kids and one of them told me he wished I was his mom.  I was stunned.  I gave him a hug and told him I loved him.

For me, it’s easy to love these kids.  I am their cheerleader, mom, task master, shoe tying, instrument holder, jacket zipping, water giving volunteer!  And I love it!  I have taken them to the movies, out to eat, hosted parties at my home, cooked for them and just given out hugs where needed.  I listen to them without judging and I give gentle suggestions when needed.  No child is turned away from this loving momma.  Need a hug?  I got one for you!

So, upon hearing this declaration, I was touched.  I was also shocked.  This young man has a mom and dad; but I learned today that his mom is 30 minutes from where we competed Saturday and he is currently living with dad locally.  That his mom, despite being so close to the event, couldn’t even care enough to attend.  My heart hurts.  He hasn’t seen her in months and I hurt for him.

I was telling my son this on the bus, just before heading back that night and a gal in a seat next to us stated that she, also wished I was her mother.  WTH?  From the sadness in her eyes, I knew she was also hurting and I smiled and told her that I loved her.  I later found out that she has a horrible home life and though there isn’t any physical abuse, you can tell she’s dealing with a lot emotionally.  A friend of my son’s told me that she is a Junior, has no cell phone or internet access, isn’t allowed to have friends over and her parents are very strict when it comes to what she can and can’t do.  Her parents also “forced her to come out of the closet” when she identified herself as a lesbian.  Though none of what I have stated about her home life is truly terrible in and of itself, I cannot help but think that whether my child is gay, straight, bi or whatever, it isn’t anyone’s business but his and who am I to tell him to announce it to all and sundry?

I have, in the past, listened to these kids cry on my shoulder for hurts and heartaches and even though my son is a Senior this year, I do believe that I will still be here for those he’ll leave behind.  His very good friend has already told me he was going to call me and invite me to games and competitions next year, so I had better be prepared. LOL!

I may only have given birth to one child; but my heart is filled with love and compassion for all these other young lives.  I adore them.  I remember my son telling me that one of the Seniors last year was telling him how he didn’t like to be touched or hugged and my son reminded him that he hugged me all the time.  This young man told my son that he does it for me; because he knows I need it.  LOL!  I think that worked both ways.  He never missed an opportunity to give me one. 😀

It’s been a great 4 years.  I love watching these young people go from tentative playing/marching to full on completed shows and victory!!!  Their hard work and effort really shows by the last night and I am there, cheering them on and showing my love and support.

The band director spoke to our bus and I asked him if I could say something.  When I spoke, I told them, as a 4 yr band mom, I was proud of them, they did great for their 1st Comp. and I could hardly wait to see the completed show and watch how far they’ll go.  They then screamed out that they loved me and we left to go home after a long, exhausting  day.

Justified

I absolutely love the Apostle Paul. What a brilliant man, whom Jesus chose to be a Disciple in the 30 days after His crucifixion. Paul was a scholar, a lawyer and knew Jewish law by heart. However, he became one of the strongest follower of Christ and spreader of the new Christian religion in the first century. He’s also responsible for writing 2/3’s of the New Testament. I just love intelligence and it was something Paul loved to share with his fellow followers.

Last night’s service was on Justification. How we are all justified by the sacrifice of Jesus on the cross. How, by faith alone, we get to heaven. By Faith Alone! Romans is one of the hardest books of the bible because it is Paul explaining how the Laws of Moses are no longer a way to get to heaven; but only through the faith we give to God and Jesus.

Through the cross, Jesus shed His blood for us, paying for our sins, once and for all. Confess that Jesus is Lord, was crucified, died, and rose on the 3rd day, and you are free.  Our sins are gone. Forgiven by God, we are now righteous and justified in the eyes of the Lord. WOW!!!! We can’t get to heaven through good works, only through Jesus. Even those who try to get there by following the law will fail daily. Paul tells us that we do. Thank God for the Holy Spirit who resides within us for only His help gets me through the day.

Justified = Just as if I never sinned. To be righteous with the Lord. Make straight.

Confess that Jesus is Lord. Confess your sins to the Lord. Repent and you’re forgiven. God forgives, all we must do is ask.

Only God can help us to heal. For years, I’d held onto the past.  For years, I allowed it to keep me in anger, fear and hurt.  It was not until I came back to God that I have been able to move forward and get where I am now, forgiven and free.

I’m presently reading the book of Ezekiel in the bible.  It’s a tough one.  It presents God’s anger with the Israelites and the punishment He allowed them — 70 years captive by the Babylonians.  Only Ezekiel & Daniel were able to stay righteous in the eyes of the Lord.  Ezekiel, the prophet, who told the Israelites God’s intentions and Daniel, who stayed faithful to God in prayer and heart.

I’ve been very busy over the last few months with bible study.  I’ve done “The Daniel Prayer” by Ann Lotz, a study of Psalms by Cindy Heald, a study of Ruth by Liz Higgs and now Ezekiel.  I’m digging in deep to the word and learning my Father’s ways and words.  He is truly a wonderful Father.

School is back in session and we’re settling into the new year.  My boy is a Senior and back in band classes and Marching Band.  So proud of him.  First game is Friday and it’s away, so I’ll be a chaperone for the night.  He has a new band director, so I will be able to attend.

I had a horrible nightmare the other night and woke up screaming.  Scared my son, who came running from his room on the other side of the house.  I must have been really loud for him to have heard me with his headphones on.  YIKES!  I told him I’d rather dream of Pennywise than what I had dreamed that night.

The eclipse was nothing like I thought it would be.  Barely even darkened the sky here.  It was darker in yesterday’s thunderstorm than the eclipse.  Location, location, location. LOL!

I think our oldest dog, who is 12, is getting ready to cross the rainbow bridge.  He’s lost some bladder control and sleeps more hours than is awake.  He’s not in pain; just slowing down.  We shall see.

Still awaiting God’s perfect timing and have been really calm and patient lately.  I’m surprised by how calm I have been.  I can work myself up into a tizzy when I want to; but haven’t even given it much effort lately. Ha, ha.

Life is good. ❤

 

Mr. Tin Man

Miranda Lambert has a song out called “Tin Man” which addresses the Tin Man from the Wizard of Oz, going on about how if he’d ever felt his heart break, he’d never want a heart.  It is such a beautiful song and I just love it.

And here I am, feeling at the end of my rope.  I hate how terrible I am feeling of late.  Summers in Florida are really hard for me with all the storms that plague the area, making me feel so miserable.  Lupus, TN, Fibro, etc. plays hell in these summer storms.

I’d rather die with honor and dignity than the slow and agonizing death of lupus.  The fact that my own body is what is killing me off is poetic justice.  I couldn’t die as a Marine on the battlefield or saving someone’s life; but as a result of the internal battle within my own pathetic body.

My own body can’t fight infection.  I feel so weak where I used to be so strong.  I’m a mess.  After 24 years of struggling with pain, which has always been tough, I find that I’ve reached the end of the road.

I’m so tired.  I just want to give up.  I don’t feel that I can fight this any longer.  It would be so easy to slip away, sleep the eternal rest.   I would take my own life if it wouldn’t leave my son behind and the heartache it would give him.  I can’t do that.

Bravery?  What does it mean?  Is it taking that leap of faith and taking chances?  Is it fighting the unknown for the greater good?  I’m not sure anymore.  I know I’m not brave enough to face the unknown right now.

I listened to Martina McBride’s song, “Anyway” and it makes me want to go forth and do battle; but the emotional turmoil and the heartache to come have me scared.

“You can love someone with all your heart, For all the right reasons, And in a moment they can choose to walk away, Love ’em anyway…… I sing I dream I love anyway”

I used to be a big risk taker; but found I gave my heart to someone who could not take the same risks.  I am so hurt by this.  I’ve decided to close myself off from the world and let it end.  I can’t risk the pain anymore.  I’d love to be able to; but my emotional well being is at stake, as well as my physical well being.

Of course, I have loved my son, whom is the miracle I never knew I would get.  My love for him is eternal.

I know a boy that has faced so much more than I have and he’s but a 10 years old.  Can I give up in the face of what I know “Robo-boy” will be going through?  Can I give up and show him that I’m not as strong as he is?  Is that fair to him?  Can I take away his faith?

Or do I stand strong against impossible odds and fight like the devil to survive the uncertainty that my life has so become?  Decisions are so hard to make right now.

I’m wrapped in barbed wire and roses, if you come too close, you will be hurt.

And I sometimes wish I were like the Tin Man, without a heart.  Just so I won’t feel my heart breaking each day.

God, please get me through this.  I don’t know how much more I can go forward and take in this miserable heart.  Abba, I want to come home.  I want to be with you and walk with you in the cool of the day in Paradise, basking in Your great love.  I’m so tired of stumbling through this horrible world.  What is the point?

Prednisone is Satan’s answer to Lupus.  Take these nasty things and look like a fat, chipmunk cheeked Ompa-Lumpa.  It’s no wonder I’m alone.  I hate that not only is my body beating itself up; but that bastard is invading my mind with his bull sh*t rhetoric.  It’s echoing in my mind.  Has to kick a gal when she’s down.  Jerk!  If I could get my hands on him, I’d kick the crap out of him.

Here it is, the pity train is leaving the station and is on the express line to full blown tantrum.  Crying and upset over a body that is bent on killing itself slowly and a mind full of lies.

All aboard………

unbreakable

 

God Is Good!

I began reading Max Lucado’s new book, “He Still Moves Stones” and I’m on chapter 4 last night and right there, in black and white, it shows me that even Jesus had trouble with his family.  WOW!  Max let me know that it is okay that I have walked away from my sisters and father due to the way they treat me.  That Jesus left His family and it wasn’t until His death that His family sang His praises.  (No I don’t want them to sing my praises when I’m dead)  It is just good to know that I’m in good company with the family thing.  😀

This past weekend, I took my son and his friend to Daytona to watch the FFCC Championship.  Last year, our High School won 1st Place.  This year, the lazy band director wouldn’t do Indoor Drumline, much to the kids disappointment.

Daytona was beautiful.  The weather excellent.  The hotel sucked!  They never cleaned our room on Saturday while we were gone all day.  Not happy.  No clean towels and when I went to the front desk, no one was there; but a sign that says “we’re full”.

The competition was great.  Very much so for us.  The boys hung out with friends from another school and just had a stress free weekend.  My son got sunburn on the top of his feet.  He missed school yesterday since he couldn’t wear shoes.  SMH.  Walked the beach.  Went to the fishing pier.  Saw dolphins and black tip sharks in the water.  I got a little sun; but I know better than to over expose myself due to the Lupus.  I bought a nice purple ball cap that I just love and almost bought a turtle; but worried he wouldn’t make it home alive.

I went to Bubba Gump for an early dinner/late lunch before going over to the arena and I must say it was delish!  The waiter was great, the whole staff, actually.  I had the Calamari and a shrimp po’boy along with 2 Georgia Peach tea’s that gave me a slight buzz; but wore off very quickly.  LOL!

Started PT yesterday.  Not too bad, so far.  I had to wear a pain pump patch for 3 hours afterwards which is a type of cortisone.  At least I’m not allergic to it. Ha, ha.

 

 

Out of my comfort zone

I have a friend from childhood on FB who recently posted two videos with him singing on them.  He’s pretty good.  We were in choir together in HS and he had his own rock band back then that was pretty popular among our peers.  He also had a gal we knew from then sing back up vocals to his first song.  She was quite the singer back in the day, too.  Our music teacher commented on the post encouraging others to do the same.  Planted a seed in this crazy mind of mine. LOL!

I am seriously considering doing the same thing.  I love to sing.  I have a large vocal range and even put on a “One Woman” show back in 2005, which was met with acclaim.  I remember when I was stationed in Iwakuni and went to my first karaoke bar and was conned into singing a song with a friend.  I was so nervous; but I did it anyway.  I started singing and the entire bar went completely silent.  My two friends, who were with me, were slack jawed in awe.  It made me feel so good about my abilities.

I am not one who seeks out admiration from others.  I don’t like to be the center of attention; but I do just want to do what I love and if that makes others happy, then that’s great, too.  With that said, I am going to try it.  I’m going to sing some songs and then I’m going to post them on youtube and put it out there.  <shrug>  Who knows where it will go; but it will be me, raw and naked for the world to see.

Ever since I was a little girl, I have loved music.  It is timeless.  It is magical and it is beautiful.  It speaks to those who let it and resonates through the ages.  I cannot imagine my life without it.

Over the last several months, I’ve been pushing myself to do things I haven’t done in ages.  I am liking all these new experiences.  It is definitely pushing the envelope that is for sure.  I’d not do these types of things, at least not in a long time.  I’m finally off the back burner and have rejoined the human race.  Well, at least the creative side of it.  Ha, ha.

After school today, I sat here and listened to my son, who was playing his drums in the garage and I have to say I am very impressed with him.  I’ve watched him go from not being able to play at all to mastering the art.  What an impressive thing to have witnessed, the growth and development of a young musician.

Hopefully, I will be able to watch his talent develop into a wonderful life of music and a career he will blossom in.  ❤

Feeling Sassy

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Feeling a bit sassy today.  Picked up my order for the kid’s presents, wrapped and under the tree.  Have two more to come in.  I’m so done.  I hated having to go to the store to pick them up.  I have one more by mail and one more by store.  I did go to my local pizza place and get an XL box from them to wrap one of the kid’s gifts that didn’t come in a box.  I love this place.  They are the best.  I praise them all the time on my FB page.  They are great people and we eat there at least once a week. LOL!

I normally hate to shop and this season makes it worse for me.  Dropped the last two packages in the mail today for the season.  Just hope they like their gifts.  Ha, ha.  The kid is at a rehearsal for his concert next Thursday evening.  My parents will be here for the show.

I pick up the poinsettia orders today and deliver them on Saturday at church.  He sold 8 total or should I say he sold one and I got the other 7. Hey, it’s 6 over his required, so I’m pleased with that.

This is a photo of my legs.  I’ve always had great legs.  They’re really muscular and this photo came out great of them.

I met a man while out today who was easy to talk to and very kind.  We spoke of both our recent losses and he was promoting his job at a local new Mexican place locally.  He offered to buy me a Margarita.  Ha, ha.  He lost his wife 2 months ago and had positive things to say about Hospice as well.

I was praying with my Bible study group yesterday and she mentioned the fact that we don’t know the true date of Christ’s birth.  I found it funny because I had just prayed two nights previous about that.  I know we don’t know the exact date that Jesus was born; but we do know which day we celebrate it and for me, that is enough.  I’m not going to get all bogged down on when; but in the WHY!

He was born to save us from eternal suffering and to die for our sins.  That is what is important, not the whole b.s. about what date.

 

BW

fankit_39ea07df451410227.jpgI remember my youth and love of comic books.  Batman & Captain American were my favorites.  However, there was one that stood out above the crowd.  She was in some of the comics I read.  Her name was Black Widow.  Oh, how I loved her.  She seemed to be this exotic, elusive, unsung hero.

Don’t get me wrong, I loved Wonder Woman and adored the Saturday morning show “Isis” and watched both these powerful women every week on their respective shows; but there was just something about Black Widow that had me.

I loved the song, “Queen Bee” by Barbara Streisand from the movie “A Star is Born”; because it told the story of said spider.  I fell in love with Alice Cooper’s “Black Widow” song and later, Lita Ford made two songs to the pretty spider.  How could a girl like me not fall hard for my favorite heroine.

Imagine my surprise when Marvel came out and launched their movies and included my lovely.  I must say, that was the ultimate reward for a die hard fan.  As for me, I have a confession to make.  I’ve been her, too. 😀

Back in my USMC days, in the earlier than the internet days, computer users used what was called BBS or Bulletin Board Systems and I used the name “Black Widow” as my own.  It was the early 90’s and we all could become who we wanted behind the keyboard.  I loved those simpler days.

Since I developed this persona, I have used her over the years.  She’s my alter ego.  She is who I write as.  She is “the mind of the mad woman” within me.  I love her.  She’s free to write poetry, short stories and even books.  She has ensnared many within her web and she lives deep within my soul.  With her I am free.

I remember when my email address included her.  blackwidow@xxx.ooo This name definitely gave people a lot of assumptions as to who and what I was.    Ha, ha.

Now that she is so widely known, I am a little jealous of those who think they can have her.  She was my secret for so long and now it’s out.  Nothing like being laid bare for all to see. LOL!  Of course, she’ll always be my alter ego.  She’s who has developed so many poems and short stories and she is freeing.  I will always keep her within my soul.

 

 

22 Days

The tree is up.  Purple lights make it look dazzling.  No ornaments, yet.  My son wants a small holiday party with his friends.  I told him sure.  Just have to pick the date.

I’m so ready for this year to end.  2016 has been a rough year.  I am so looking forward to a new year.

Church tonight.  Looking forward to that as well.  After not being able to go to church at all over the last year and a half, it is so good to be back to going each week.  I really hated to miss; but I was needed at home and I am glad I was able to do what I did.

Still plugging along on the book.  It’s coming along nicely.  God is blessing me in this arena as well as with benefits for my boy.

Took another painting class last night.  Turned out pretty good.  I’ve made a few art journaling pages today.  I had a jewelry class Wednesday evening.  From that, I was able to make several pieces while awaiting for my son during his audition for All County.  I made a bracelet in pink for my friend, Michelle’s birthday, which was yesterday.

My sister, Vickie was going to my mother’s for Christmas; but has since changed them, so now my sister, Michelle will be there.  Neither my son, nor I want to go there for the holiday.  We were invited for turkey day; but we didn’t want to be there on that day, either.

My son wants us to go to Russell Stover’s store while he’s on vacation.  We’ll have to see how the money is; but I’m sure we’ll be able to do it.  He likes that place for some strange reason. Ha, ha.

My son got himself two new CD’s yesterday and we listened to them in the car.  Avenged Sevenfold’s new song, “Angel” is really great.  I like it a lot.  My son once dedicated one of their songs to me on FB and I have to tell you, it was beautiful.

I love all types of music.  My tastes run from Classical to Jazz to Heavy Metal, Rock n Roll, Pop, R&B, etc.  I can’t imagine there is music that I haven’t liked.  I got hooked on Country while in the USMC (how could I not with three roommates from the South — 2 Texas & one Louisiana. LOL!).  Music has always been my go to when I’m in need of some soul healing.

My mind is scattered today.  But just a little bit.  I can’t seem to concentrate on one thing or another.  It’s distracting me.  I hope I can stay focused on tonight’s sermon.  I need it.

Well, I’m off to where that may lead.  Hopefully not too wild and crazy.  😀

Anger & Sadness

Dear Leif,

This will make the 2nd Thanksgiving you fucked me over!  The first one in 2014 when you tried to kill yourself and were an inpatient at the VA Bay Pines and now, this year, you had to die on me in September!  Thanks!  Some best friend you turned out to be. Ha, ha.

I miss you.  I miss how much we used to laugh.  Momma Bear, Michigan J. Frog, “sound effects”, and so much more.  You’re not here anymore.  I’m so sorry.

You’re probably laughing at me right now.  Jose Cuervo and I are celebrating together.  We both know that I’ll out last him.  Jose can’t compete with a crazy Irish gal.  “Don’t ask her on a straight Tequila night….”  BTW, drinking it straight from the bottle isn’t classy, I know, but who’s going to see me do it?  I was going to get all the stuff to make Twilight Zones; but you know I can’t resist my main man. Ha, ha.  We also know that this is not a normal thing for me.  I’m celebrating your life.  Cheers, BF!

The boy, of course, is hiding in his “mole cave” as usual.   I’m sure you know that Doug dropped dead.  You must be laughing at his dance in hell.    At least you’re not there.  I have the blessed assurance that you are in heaven.

Drove Anastasia to the airport at 4 am this morning.  So glad I could help her out.  I’m keeping busy these days.  Started painting again.  I’m making jewelry.  We decided to do a Nightmare Before Christmas themed tree this year, so I made ornaments.  We’re going to use that white tree again that you got for $5 two years ago. Will put her up tomorrow.

Finally found a place for all the shawls I made.  Donated them.  Going to be donating the hats, too.  I’m sure you know I’m downsizing.  I found a place to get rid of my books, too.  Don’t need all this shit.  You’ve told me that for years; but I’ve finally come to that realization myself and believe me, I won’t be able to move after the boy graduates with all this junk.  Who knows where I will end up?

I talked to Doris yesterday.  Your brother, Bob, is taking your passing really hard.  His guilt over not coming to see you is eating him up.  She says he’s skin and bones and constantly looks at the album and photos I sent to him.  He’s with Eric and your mom today.  Eric is still fighting with Kurt about the bs charges and the attorney told him he’d drop them for $2000.  We all know Kurt just wants money.  He’s so much like your father.  PURE EVIL!  I guess Bob is clinging to the only brother he has left, since they have both disowned Kurt for his crap.  Your mom is comfortable and they finally ran Erin off by not letting her call & make her upset.

I think I’ll make the Christmas cards this weekend and get them ready for mailing on the first.  I’m up to 4 miles on my bike and am thinking I may have to do something else to help with the “getting better” health.  This past week has been hard.  The pain has been excruciating in my face.  I’ve prayed for death.  I’m still here. 😀

Made a small turkey, walnut cranberry stuffing, rutabaga, green bean casserole, my creamy smashed potatoes, gravy and rolls.  Ian stuffed himself.  Turkey fell off the bone.

I think I’m going to sing today.  Maybe it will help.  Maybe it won’t.  We shall see.  Miss you, big guy.  Guard those gates well, Marine.  I’ll see you when I get there.  XO