FFCC Championship

So, for the last 5 months, my son has been practicing for Indoor Drumline Competitions.  His last performance was this past Saturday, April 7th.  They placed 2nd in their division in the state.  YEAH!  So proud of them.  They worked so hard and I couldn’t be happier for them.

The day began like many other competition days with the loading of the trailers.  This time, though, my son stepped off the ramp the wrong way and sprained his ankle.  Not fun.  He did, however; perform on it, swollen and all.  We later went to have it x-rayed and no break.  YEAH!

They performed at 12:30 pm and awards were at 9 pm.  We spent the rest of the day watching the rest of the groups perform.  My parents always come to watch my son perform and they love spending time with him, which makes me happy for them all.

Several of our friends showed up, too.  Such a great day.  Well, except for the sprain, oh and the fact that I started getting a sinus and middle ear infection.  UGH!  First my left ear filled with fluid, then the left side of my throat and neck.  By the time we left that night, the right ear was plugged, too.  Doctor appointment on Tuesday confirmed this.  Feeling better today, though and food has a taste and smell other than black pepper, so life is good. 😀

The week has been busy, too.  The music department has been forced to participate in the school musical, which is a disaster.  Three weeks of three day rehearsals, the show  premiered on Thursday evening.  Tone deaf kids sang flat notes and danced in a crazy, uncoordinated bird style.  However, the band sounded great, especially since it was professional level music.  The most shocking part of the play was when a teenage girl performed a chair dance that rivaled a stripper at a club.  I could hardly believe it.  I have to say, the saving grace of that dance was the gal was slim with no shape or breasts to speak of and had nothing to “fall out” the front of her dress.

They perform again tonight; but I have church, so I’m dropping my son off on my way out.  I feel sorry for the band members.  They sit on stage the entire show and so does their director.  They, too, can hardly believe that the performers are doing such a bad job.

Why, you may be asking, has the play only had minimal rehearsals and horrible choreography and singing?  The man who is running it.  He has forced the band director (his first year) and the choir teacher (her first year) to participate in this disaster, gave minimal notice, horrible direction, and no choice.  He then told the audience (for nearly 20 min before the show started —  LATE) that it was the first time they’d been able to collaborate together.  SMH.  What a putz.

Monday, we’re having an Indoor Drumline and Color Guard party to celebrate victory for the season.  The school year is rapidly coming to an end.  Next up, last concert of year and the band banquet.  Following up with the prom and Senior Awards night and then onto graduation.  YEAH!

Here we go…..

 

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School Walk Out

We do not need stronger gun control laws, what we do need is better Mental Health Care.  Laws don’t stop criminals.  Laws don’t stop gun violence.  An unarmed citizenship allows dictatorships to become a reality, just ask the Jews from WWII.

I remember while I was still in school, Bernie Goetz shot and seriously wounded four men who tried to rob him on the subway.  This was not the first time he’d faced attackers trying to rob him and when the first time ended in the attackers getting a slap on the wrist, he got angry.  This seems to me to be the start of people taking social injustices into their own hands.

I am not, by any stretch of the imagination, advocating for any type of vigilante justice or justifying anyone shooting anyone.  However, I should be able to carry a gun in order to protect myself and property from anyone.  I can also do a lot of damage with a knife, a bat, a crowbar, a broken glass bottle, etc.  If I am wanting to do damage, I will find a way to do it, regardless of the weapon and will get any kind of weapon, illegally or not to do it.  That’s just the way people work.

If I want to hurt you badly enough, I will find the means with which to do it.  It is that simple.

On the other side of the coin, we have a lot more mental illness springing up all over the place.  PTSD is running rapidly through our military, domestic violence sufferers, accident victims and violence survivors.  We have bi-polar disorder, schizophrenia, anxiety disorders, ADHD, depression, dementia and OCD that cause our brains to act in a non-normal way.  Sometimes they are easily identified and sometimes they are not.  Sometimes they are controlled with medication, sometimes they are not.  The stigma we have placed on mental disorders has people who suffer them hiding in shame.

I remember when I was 13 years old and suffered from chronic ear infections (and still do to this day) my pediatrician told my parents it was psychosomatic (all in my mind) and my father freaked out fearing they’d stick this in my medical records, stigmatizing me for life as someone with a mental disorder.  Crazy, right?  True!

We, as a society, need to tear off the Band-Aid that hides people in a closet of shame for being sick.  We do not choose to be this way, it just happens.  Whether it is because of trauma, chemical imbalance, birth/DNA or whatever the reason, mental illnesses are no different than having cancer, influenza, Lupus, arthritis, liver disease, etc.  It is out of the person’s hands and is no more controllable than the sun rising and setting.

I suffer PTSD.  I also take Cymbalta for it.  I will never be able to come off of this drug; because of it.  Without this drug, I can’t go out in public, I suffer in anxiety in crowds, I have uncontrollable episodes of rage and violence, incredible bouts of fear, my mind likes to cycle into madness and my fight or flight response is in overdrive.  I am not ashamed of my PTSD; because it shows the world that I survived what could have destroyed me.  I have had four traumatic instances in my life that have caused me to be at this point in my life and each one could have easily destroyed a weaker person.  I think of it as a badge of honor, not a stigma of shame.  I wish others could feel the same about themselves.

I don’t want to see another school shooting.  I don’t want to see another Oklahoma City bombing.  I don’t want to see another Washington Sniper or Las Vegas Shooter.  I want to see mental health care given a priority.  I want the stigma removed from it.  I want us to live in a better, more caring world.

Taking our guns away will not stop the violence.  Those who wish to do harm will find a way.  We need to wake up and help our fellow humans to be better humans.  Wake up, people!!!  We are turning into our own worse nightmare and if we’re not careful, we may wake up imprisoned by the very people who want to use violence against us.

Walking out for gun violence is not going to solve anything and most who walk out will only do it to get out of class.  Addressing the underlying issue will go a lot further than unarming our citizens.

Whatever you decide to do, be safe while doing it.

God Bless!

 

The End is Near!

In 2 months time, my not so little boy will be graduating high school.  I can hardly believe the time has flown by so quickly.  I can still remember the day I found out that he was growing inside me and how I waited, anxiously, for his arrival.  And now, 18 years later, graduation is drawing near.

He’s kept me busy over the years.  T-ball, scouts, music lessons, concerts, marching band, indoor drumline, competitions, field trips, the daily grind of to and from school, etc.  He has already performed his last MPA (3 this school year), his last marching season and has only FFCC Championship in April for Indoor Drumline.  His last concerts will quickly follow and then it’s nothing but graduation from there.  Oh has the time flown this year.

His last MPA was this past Friday, which was followed by an Indoor Competition on Saturday at Cypress Bay HS.  He made All-County Jazz Band this year and yesterday and tomorrow will have practices and the concert tomorrow night.

As I reflect over the last 18 years, I can’t help but feel a sense of pride in the terrific young man he has become, despite all the obstacles in our way.  He is truly amazing.  At Cypress Bay on Saturday, after awards, we were waiting for our director to return when a number of the members of his “team” got out on the gym floor and began doing the “Ian Dance”.  This lead to other schools joining in and much laughter.

What is the “Ian Dance” you ask?  Let me explain.  My son and I watched the movie, “Meet the Robinsons” when it came out.  We love that movie and especially the T-Rex.  As Rex is trying to do the bidding of Bowler Hat Guy, he can’t do so because of his tiny arms.  My son & I have for years pulled our elbows into our sides, shortening our arm length and pretended to be Rex, with mock cries of a frustrated T-rex.

Fast forward to high school and crazy antics in the band room, where friends would gather and sometimes break into dance while singing or listening to music.  Now, enter, my son.  This young man would pull in his arms and flop his hands about “T-Rex” style,  turning left, then right, then left, etc., much to the enjoyment of his fellow bandmates.  Thus the “Ian Dance” was invented.  Never a dull moment.

What I won’t miss from all this is the dreaded parent pickup line, fundraising, parent meetings, driving to and from endless practice sessions, early morning alarms, and teenage drama (mostly from his friends, he’s pretty drama free).

I’m excited to see where God is leading my son.  He’s a hard working young man and I am so proud of all he has accomplished.  I can only imagine what God has in store for his life and the direction in which he will be taken.  God has truly blessed us so richly and I am beyond grateful for all that we have and all we have overcome.

God is good, all the time.  God is faithful, all the time.

What is wrong with people these days?

Saturday, I chaperoned my son’s Indoor Drumline trip to Riverview HS.  I so love volunteering and spending the day with the kids and my son.  In the morning, the Color Guard performed and then in the evening, the Drumline performed.  It was a long day; but I love watching them perform.

After my son’s team performed, the battery exited the gym to remove their drums and return to remove and fold the tarp. As I exited the gym, I realized they only had one person to hold the doors open, so I stood to the left side of the entrance and held open the door on the left for those exiting with instruments.

At this time, I noticed two students had not returned to the gym with the rest of the battery and that a girl was having a panic attack. It looked like she threw herself down on the ground in a fit.  I told another Mom to check on her and directed the boy to go assist with the tarp. I turned away from the situation and focused on helping those exiting the gym.

As I was helping to guide one of the instruments over the threshold, the girl entered the alcove and tried to reenter the gym. I turned and told her she was not needed and to step away. She in turn, tried to push her way through me and screaming in my face that she needed to help. I and another student told her the tarp was folded and just waiting to get through the door. I then told her to she needed to step away from the area.

All instruments and the tarp were then successfully removed from the gym. As I walked away from the doors to await the group loading the tarp on the cart, the girl was still throwing herself around in her fit and I guided her away from the others and tried to get her to calm down. I told her to breath. She pushed me away, saying she couldn’t breathe. I tried to get her to refocus away from the panic and she told me to get away from her. I then instructed her that if she didn’t calm down, I was calling an ambulance because she was becoming a danger to not only herself; but those around her.

Her panic ended after hearing this and she ran over to help with the tarp. I then talked with the tech and told her that this girl was out of control and was a danger to not just herself; but those around her.

As I walked away from the tech, Mr. and Mrs. S (band director and Guard instructor)were approaching and I walked toward them. At this point, I was not going to say anything; but wait for a better opportunity to speak with Mr. S in private. However, Mr. S read my body language and asked what was going on. I then explained what had occurred stating that in my opinion, if she can’t get herself together, she is going to wind up hurting herself and those around her.

Mr. S then asked me if she put her hands on me. I told him yes, she had pushed me at two different times. He then called out the girl, instructed her that she was never to put her hands on a parent or student and stated a parent meeting was going to be scheduled for Monday evening and he left the area. I turned to retrieve the first aid bag and the girl ran up to me, distressed, telling me that she was in a panic attack and didn’t intentionally do anything wrong. I told her to step away from me, I didn’t want to hear it and I didn’t want her to be in my face.

At that time, I took the first aid bag back to the trailer. I waited for the other parents to return with the kids, gather up my stuff and went to the bus to wait. There were more than enough parents present that I felt it would not pose a problem and distanced myself from the situation.

Now, before I reveal my questions, please know that I am not a “hater” of anyone.  I love and respect everyone, no matter their illness or persuasion.  IMO, it has nothing to do with me and is none of my business.  So, excuse my curiosity.  No offense intended.

Okay, so here is the question?  What is up with all this crap?  More and more kids are having panic attacks, ADD, ADHD, and what have you.  There are more kids these days identifying as gay or transgender, etc.  What is happening?

Can someone explain what is going on?  I don’t understand.  Is it something with all the chemicals in our food and beverages?  Is it that parents are raising their kids this way?  Is it that we can no longer spank our kids?  Are we letting the government have too much control and we just can’t raise our kids the way we were raised?  Is it that the earth is now too close to the sun and we’re on our way to hell?  I just can’t figure it out.

When I was young, I didn’t know anyone with these types of situations that were my age.  We weren’t medicated.  We weren’t in identity crisis.  I’m at such a loss as to what has happened to cause all this.

I’m not saying I didn’t know people who were gay or transgender; but not at the rate and amount of those who now identify as such.  If someone can tell me what is happening, I’d love to know.

BTW, I mean no disrespect.  I’m just curious.  I’m saddened for this young girl.  It just seems like there are more and more people who just can’t handle life anymore in any way.

Best Laid Plans

This has been a crazy week for us.  The boy had rehearsals all week long.  He had a performance on Friday evening, after which, we planned to see the movie, “Black Panther”.  I even pre-purchased the tickets at the theater, so we could go from the school upon our return right to the movie.  Well, as we were running late, and just came off stage at 8:30 pm and still had to watch one more school perform, I decided to call the theater and ask them to assist.

After explaining the situation, the theater has left 6 vouchers for us to use today in their office.  So, today, I am bringing the kids to the movie and we’ll get to see it.

Yesterday, they performed for the Edison Light Parade and we could not go to the movie.  They had great weather for the parade, met at the stadium at 4:15 pm and those bands participating in the parade spent that time dancing and blowing off steam until sunset when the parade kicked off.

They returned to the High School at 10:22 pm and were good and tired.

Between preparing for various MPA performances and Indoor Drumline, we’re busy until the first weekend in April.  After that, just prepping for Graduation.  I’m going to look at a new place for us to move to for less than I am paying now.

God only knows where this life is taking us.  I’m just along for the ride. 😀

Grinchmas Party!!!!

Today was my son’s “Grinchmas” Party with his friends here at the house.  Since it was a half day, I picked them up after school and made lunch.

For lunch, I made a spiral ham, mac and cheese, green bean casserole along with spinach-artichoke dip, veggie dip, lentil hummus and various desserts. The kids loved it and they had a great time.  Gifts were exchanged, watched the Grinch movie and laughed their butts off.

One young man, who we’d be trying to figure out what to get him, was very hard to purchase for, so I made him a bunch of “gag” gifts, which we gave  to him first and then his actual gift.

The gag gifts:  A belly button lint cleaner (a pipe cleaner I’d bent to look like a toilet brush 1″ long.  A redneck raincoat (black trash bag), air guitar strings (empty plastic bag), a money clip (paper clip with a penny glued to it), two #2 pencils (with brown, spiraled pipe cleaners on top like the poo emoji), a pet cloud (5 cotton balls glued together with eyes), a natural blow dryer (balloon) and a little bag of pot (plastic pot from a kids kitchen set).  He LOVED it.  Such a great kid and a super fun time he had.  Plus, he loved the other gifts we got him as well.

I am so blessed to have such wonderful young men and women in my life.  They certainly made for a great afternoon.

Yesterday, I was freaking out.  My USMC ring broke.  It’s made with both yellow and white gold and the white gold “eagle, globe & anchor”, which was attached through the middle of the gold ring, broke off.  I had no idea where it was.  I searched for hours.  Drove me nuts!  Couldn’t find it at all.  Tore apart the garbage, looked in the disposal, under the bed, in the sink drain, etc.

I climbed into be last night and there it was, laying under the pillow.  So grateful for finding it!!  Took it to the jeweler today and it will be ready tomorrow.  YEAH!  I’ve had it since 2009 and I felt devastated when I thought it was lost.  Now, I’m celebrating that it can be fixed!!!!  They no longer make it, so I’d have been so distraught over it’s loss.  😦

There are not a lot of things that I have that would make me sad; but not having my ring would be one of them.   It’s a sentimental thing and not a material thing.  Back in 1994, I’d had everything from my child hood to that present day stolen from a storage unit in KY.  I was upset; but the things that were missing that hurt me most were the pictures in my photo albums.  To this day, I’d give anything for them to be returned.  I don’t put much value on material possessions.  Even though I had about $20,000 worth of stuff stolen, collector items that were valuable, it was the pictures and journals.  Oh well.  Can’t get them back.

Merry Christmas everyone!!!!!

 

Long Week

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What a week this has been.  My son had rehearsals 3 out of 5 days and performances on two nights.  He played drums for the Choir concert on Tuesday evening and then had a Jazz performance on Thursday evening.  We no sooner ended Marching season and have now begun Indoor Drumline, which doesn’t end until April.

The Jazz performance was great.  His director singled him out and told about the song they were playing, “Drumming Man” which featured my son on the drums throughout.  Great piece and he did an incredible job.  He’s also stepped up and is subbing for our drummer at church, who had a stroke 3 weeks ago and is in rehab.  So proud of my boy. ❤

I went to the doctor on Friday due to this prolonged crap from Irma stirring up all kinds of garbage.  Gave me a more powerful antibiotic, two shots, singular and nasal spray.  Doctor told me I was full of fluid in my ears and my sinuses are swollen.  UGH!  So sick of this crap. 😦

My son and I went to see “Wonder” on Friday evening and it was pretty good.  He had read the book a while ago and was curious to see how good the movie was going to be.  He is now on my sh*t list.  He broke the cardinal law of taking me to the movies.  THE DOG DOES NOT DIE!  Anything can happen.  People can die, just don’t kill the dog.  Simple rule.  You’d think my kid would know better?  Nope.  Dog dies.  I lose it and he says, “Oops, Mom, I forgot.”  He’s grounded for the next few years!!!!!

After church last evening, we stopped at CVS.  We were in the Christmas aisle and I was playing with the musical animals.  One was doing a rocking rendition of Sleigh Bells and I was dancing.  Little did I know I was also being videoed and sent to my sons snap chat for all his friends to see.   Brat!  Though he got a lot of great responses to it like:  That is so your mom.  Aw, sweet!  She’s so much fun.   I’m not too upset, just caught off guard that he would do something like this.  SMH Gotta watch myself in public around this one.

We just got Netflix.  We’ve both binge watched “Stranger Things” and “Mindhunters”.  We like them both.  Not sure what the next thing will be.  We LOVE the new ABC show “The Good Doctor”.  He’s a big Freddie Highmore fan from “Charlie & the Chocolate Factory” and “Spiderwick Chronicles”.  He didn’t really care for “Bates Motel”, though.

I can only imagine what this current week will bring our way.

 

Unconditional Love

I love my son’s friends.  In his 18 years of life, he’s only had one “temporary” friend whom I did not like; because he was nothing but trouble.  His mother, unfortunately, encouraged it and I put an end to it.

I digress.

Yesterday, my son & 2 friends went to DQ with me.  We all sat together and talked for an hour about all they were going through as Seniors this year.  College essays, applications, dreams, goals and how to achieve them.  The one friend has completed all her applications and is in “wait” mode.  My son filled out two applications to his school of choice and the third friend is in the process of applying to several places.  She is stressed to the max.  Her mom is riding her butt to get it done.

As we sat and spoke of all these things, I couldn’t help but think back on all the times the four of us have gone to movies, to eat, did projects together and enjoyed each others company.  So many conversations between the four of us; but not just that.  They’ve been to my home, they’ve asked me for advice, they tell me they love me and they genuinely care about me as well as Ian.

I’m on all of their phones and have told them I would come get them, no matter the time or place, if they call.  No questions asked at that time; but we would discuss it later.  Hasn’t happened (yet) but they have the option.  I’ve always thought kids should have a “safe” place or person to talk with and try to be that person.

I’ve had kids tell me they wished I was their mom.  I’ve given hugs to those who needed it.  Been the shoulder to cry on when their heart is broken.  I’ve cheered them on and never let them feel that they weren’t the best and greatest person I’ve ever met.

I’ve celebrated victories with these friends of my sons.  I’ve celebrated birthdays with them.  I’ve offered encouragement, advice, love and correction.  I never lie to them, even if it hurts.   I’ve teased them, laughed at them and with them and my reward is more than I have ever thought possible, their love and affection.

When I was a little girl, I wanted to be a mom.  I wanted little people I could love.  At 16, I was told it was impossible.  For the next 14 years, I believed it.  Two miscarriages due to blocked fallopian tubes and only one intact after the 2nd fetus ruptured one, I never thought I’d see the day.  Then, God blessed me with my miracle and I have loved and cherished that child ever since.

Now, all these years later, I have more kids than I can count and am happier for it.  I get hugs.  I get love.  I get to watch them grow and learn and thrive.

Yesterday also marked an interesting text from a young man who is a friend’s son.  The poor kid is sick.  He’s graduated, has a job; but no insurance and was desperate to purchase his medication to get better.  He’s not allowed to go to work for the next 5 days and asked me for help.  I purchased the scripts and told him not to worry about it, just focus on getting better.  He couldn’t thank me enough.  For me, it was a no brainer.  I didn’t need to ask him about his parents involvement, doesn’t matter.  I asked him nothing, except who to call to pay the bill.  For whatever reason, I was the go to person and since I already consider this young man a son, I only needed to meet the need, not grill him.  He is an honest, smart, kind and sweet young man of integrity.  That was all I needed to know.

Last night also brought a fall.  My son’s dog, Tippy, is 12 years old.  He’s not long for this world.  He has lost bladder control and is shaky.  He has fatty tumors, a bad eye and grumpy on a lot of days due to pain of old age.  Last night, I slipped in a puddle.  I landed hard on my left hip and elbow.  My elbow has a knot on it and is bruised and scraped.  Yes, I was covered in pee.  (GROSS) and immediately took a shower.  Was not happy since I’d just done so and was wearing fresh, clean clothes for the night; but he can’t help it.  I’m debating if I need to take him to the vet for our last good–byes; but I’m not there yet and he is not suffering.  Just keep praying for him.

You see, I’ve got this problem.  I love unconditionally these kids and this dog.  I don’t see their flaws, only their potential.  I think if we had more people who encouraged and loved, despite who they are, what they are or how they look, we’d have less ugly in this world.  I pray for them and sometimes with them.  I just hope when I’m old and they are no longer in my life, that they’ll remember me for this.

Every Little Thing

Yesterday was my sons last Marching  Band Competition in Lake Worth, FL.  We took a charter bus there and for 3 1/2 hours, we were not allowed to eat, drink or use the bathroom.  WTH!!!!!  By hour 2, I had to pee so bad and I was over the limit by the time we arrived.  I tell you, THAT was my 1st priority when we got there.

Oh and one of the girls in the band, while we were still at the high school, walked past where I was sitting and accidently hit me in the head with her Mellophonium case. I’ve got a lump and it hurts; but like I said, it was an accident.  I teased her the rest of the day about it.  Now, I’ve teased every kid in that band at one time or another.  They all know me; but for some reason, she has no sense of humor and got upset.  I told her that I was teasing and I had to apologize to her for having fun with it.

I love these kids.  I’ve told them on plenty of occasions that I do.  I’ve hugged more than half of them on more than one occasion, too.  I’ve tied shoes, I’ve zipped and unzipped jackets (in the back), helped them put in plumes and take them out.  I’ve bought snacks when no one else thought of it.  I’ve taken more than a few out, had them in my home for parties and meals and enjoyed being their biggest fan and cheerleader.

The competition was a lot of fun for all of us and the kids came in 2nd place in their division.  So happy.  Mom & Dad came up from Florida City to watch and stayed until 6 pm.  It all ended around 10:30 pm.   Worst part of the trip?  Stinky footed ride home. UGH!

Auditions for Indoor Drumline are on Thursday.   There show this year is called, “Breathe” and the kids voted between this and another one last Wednesday.  They are looking forward to starting the next “season” with this show.  I’m not sure when rehearsals start; but I do know that they’ll have the same 2 day rehearsal schedule.  My son has already memorized the audition piece and was playing it yesterday while waiting for the others to finish setting up so they could start warm-ups.  His teacher was impressed since they’d just gotten it the night before, after their last game of the season.

I drop off two band kids before we headed home at a bit after 1 am (2 am) LOL!  On the radio, while stopped at a traffic light is the new country song, “Every Little Thing” by Carly Pearce.  I’ve loved the song since I first heard it.  However, this time, it hit me hard.  Memories I didn’t want to remember came flooding back and tears stung my eyes.

“Every little thing
I remember every little thing
The high, the hurt, the shine, the sting
Of every little thing”

Even though I have left it all behind me, the mind still does random memory checks that flash before you like an unwanted movie, forcing you to see what you’d rather not.  I often wish I could just remove them from my mind so that I never have to review them again; but alas, it doesn’t work that way.  <sigh>

It’s a wonder my blog title is “Mind of a Mad Woman” because these memories are definitely what has made me as mad as a hatter can be.  LOL!  There is one thing I can say and that is the ride these last 49 years has been anything; but boring.

A friend asked me if I’d participate in his November Patriot Recognition.  I told him sure and that I’d get back to him.  I have to gather my thoughts and see what to reveal and what not to reveal. Ha, ha!

My birthday week, last week, was awesome.  Birthday Tuesday with dinner and cake.  Wednesday morning breakfast with my girlfriends in God.  Thursday lunch with one who could not make it to breakfast and Friday, spur of the moment Mexican dinner with same friend and another friend.  Great, great week!  So far, 49 is a great age. 😀

OH, and my son, he is not liking that he is now 18 and an adult. LOL!  He still wants to be a kid.  Speaking of which, he uploaded his auditions for his college application and submitted it for early admissions.  I told him I’ve prayed on it and believe it for a fact that he will get in.  Now, we wait to hear.  Not sweating it or stressing it; because there is no reason to, God’s got this.

Spent the morning cleaning house.  When I get to wanting to clean, I whip through my house like a tornado and everyone just backs away as I do what I have to do.  I was so busy doing other things this week, that it got away from me; but now that we’re back on the clean side of life, I’m happier. 😀

Life is good.

 

Autumn Dreams

Ah, Autumn, how I miss the smell, the crisp air, the crunch of leaves under foot, a light sweater and the beautiful colors.  I sometimes wish I was still up north, enjoying the season in it’s full glory.

I used to love to hike in the mountains and enjoy the Autumn in all it’s splendor.  I love it so much and is truly the only thing I miss about this time of year.  I remember when I was pregnant with my son and we didn’t know if he was a boy or girl yet.  We picked two names.  If a girl, she was to be Autumn Hope.  But, alas, he was not a girl and his name is perfect for him.

It’s only 3 days until we celebrate his 18th birthday.  I can hardly believe that he will be 18.  The years seem to have flown by so quickly. I still reminisce about the joyous times we’ve spent together.  He’s been my miracle since birth and I have enjoyed every moment of it I’ve spent with him.  I am incredibly blessed by God to have been chosen to be his mother.  He turns 18 and 6 days later, I turn 49.  Best birthday present ever! ❤

Last night at church, our Pastor discussed Matthew 25:14-29 — The Parable of the Talents.  In this parable, three men are given talents from their overseer to take care of while he was away.  The 1st man was given 5 talents and multiplied it to 10.  The next was given two and multiplied it to 4.  The final man received only one and he buried and hoarded it, not doing a single thing.  Upon the overseers return, he congratulated the two investors and chastised the sloth, casting him out.

As we reviewed the scripture, we began to understand it.  God gives us each talents.  We are all unique, we are all in receipt of abilities that are ours alone and we are to use them to glorify God.  Because, sometimes, we are the only person who is seen by others as God in the flesh.

I took a “Spiritual Gifts” test to figure out what God had given me to use in this world for His glory.  I received giving, caring and mercy as my top 3 gifts.  (These were far above the other gifts you can receive) I have to say, they were pretty obvious to me, even before the test; but to have it confirmed, was a pleasant surprise.

As I reflect on my life, I see these gifts in so many parts of it.  I’ve always felt it is better to give than to receive.  I take great delight in giving things to people and watching their joy and happiness unfold.  I’m also a natural care giver.  I feel my best when I am able to take care of people and ensure their well being and happiness.  As for mercy, I have always forgiven others much more than they deserve.  It’s why my ex-husband told close friends of our years that he could sh*t all over me and I’d always take him back.  <sigh>

I do it all for Him, and still, I cannot do enough for Him.  It is just not possible.

It’s been a strange few weeks.  For some reason, the Lord is surrounding me with the name of my “love”.  I chaperoned my son’s competition a few weeks back and there were 3 boys with his name, sitting and speaking with me.  I turn on the t.v. and I hear both his given name and nickname, which is not a common one.  I hear it on the radio.  I’ve encountered several while out and about in stores, the mechanics, at the VA,  and on.  It is so weird; but also mysterious as to why I am being bombarded with his name.

November will be 2 years since we’ve reconnected.  In 2015, his name popped into my mind, unexpectedly, while driving home after dropping my son at school.  This has happened to me with various friends I’ve know and usually after I reminisce about them, I forget them again and move on.  Not this time.  Three days later, I am still thinking of him and I decide to look him up on Facebook.  He’s the first choice and I check him out and decide to friend him.  He immediately connects and I move on.  Nope, still there.  UGH!  So, I send him a message.  He had pneumonia, so I tell him I’m praying for him to get better quickly and I’m sure he doesn’t remember me at all.  Low & behold, he not only remembers me; but looked for me on more than one occasion; but to no avail.  LOL!  Spelling my name is a bitch. LOL!  No one gets it right.  So we chat several times over the next year.  He dates a woman, I pray for his relationship.  It ends, I pray for his heartbreak.  Until last November.

November 2016 is when I get the vision of him in church during prayer.  It shocks, it disturbs and scares me.  I come home from church, deeply upset and after an hour of contemplation, I message him angrily and tell him I don’t appreciate his invading my God time, etc.  He finds it funny, I don’t.  I pray about it and God let’s me know His plan and his involvement in it.  I’m in shock.

As this year has gone by, this man and I have had several conversations in which he teases me, leads me on and then disappears from communication for months.  Drives me insane.  Now, I’ve read several articles that state if a man shows no interest, move on.  I have tried.  I pray daily.  I ask God for clarification.  Each time, God answers: “Stay faithful to Me, the plan and the man.”  So I do.

So, here I am.  Still faithful to my Lord, His plan and the man. 😀  Only God knows how this will come to fruition; because He is the author of this love story.  ❤

My son has only 2 more weeks until the end of Marching Band season.  Not sure if the new Band Director is going to be doing Indoor Drumline this year or not.  We shall see.  Because of Hurricane Irma, the band is not motivated at all.  They seem to have lost their mojo for performing.  My son and his friends, who usually love it, seem down and ready for it to end.

I’m almost hoping we don’t have Indoor; but we shall see.  I found out he is graduating on May 19th at 10am and I’m happy for him.  Looking forward to him to do so and also missing the fact that he’s going to go to college at the same time.  So proud of him, though.

And time marches on………………..