Trapped in Pain

It’s summer again and I am trapped inside my pain filled body. Summer storms are abounding and this creates the most immense amounts of pain in my face. For the last three weeks, we’ve had afternoon storms that I have left me paralyze with pain. Some days are much worse than others. Don’t get me wrong, I am in pain 24/7 for the last 22 years; but storms make it 10x’s worse. Storms are my enemy.

Of course, cold, wind, rain, anything that brushes my face like my hair or a kiss, smiling, chewing, facial expressions, sneezing, brushing your teeth, etc. creates pain. Imagine kissing someone and getting an electrical shock shooting through your face. Or drinking a beverage — cold or hot — and feeling a stabbing pain in the face. Trigeminal Neuralgia SUCKS!!!!

I leaned over and kissed my son. ZAP!!! The wind is blowing and it cuts through my face like a knife. My hair brushes against my cheek and I am reeling from the pain. I’m so tired of the pain. I feel I’ve suffered enough. Isn’t 22 year long enough? When will it end?

I have no options. There is no cure. Surgery won’t fix it. Medications have yet to work. Narcotics just make me sleep and don’t even dull the pain. I have no resolution to this unending torture.

Tonight the pain is bad. It is making me sick. My stomach is rolling. My eyes can’t handle the light. The external noise is deafening. My breathing is shallow; because each breath is painful. I crave the darkness and to escape in sleep; but it eludes me.

My little Teddy is cuddled up close to me. My forehead is throbbing with my pulse. I’m trying desperately not to clench my jaw, which only makes it worse.

It’s not easy living with TN. As a matter of fact, it is a nightmare. I don’t wish this on anyone, ever. I have no idea how much longer I will suffer; but God will take care of me, of that I have no doubt.